Tina Sweeney

I have never posted a thread in my life before, but i am desperate for another's perspective!

My husband and i have been married for over a year. I am 16 years younger than he is and in excellent shape. In the beginning he was so loving, affectionate and complementary of me. After we moved in together, with his 3 teenage children, he became, well just mean. He constantly accuses me of cheating, he has placed a phone tracker on my phone, constantly tells me i am going or am places that i am not. I get up, go to work for 8 hours and then come home and take care of the house and his kids. I am not allowed to meet friends or even really talk to them on the phone anymore. He travels out of town Monday through Friday for 9 months of the year.

I don't want this post to be too long because i want you to read it and please tell me what you think!!!!

The first 6 months of our relationship we had sex 4-7 times a week, i know the initial sex stage, but his friends have always said that he HAS to have sex to be happy. He has told me he has an extremely strong sex drive and that he wants to have sex all of the time. Anyway...we slipped into the 2-3 times a week after we moved in together even though he was only in town 2 days a week.

Today is not affectionate at all, no loving words, no more touches, not even a kiss goodnight. He says that he feels bad all the time, blames it on the sleeping medication he takes, whatever other excuse you can think of on not having sex.

We have not had sex in over 6 weeks until this morning. No kissing, not looking at each other, just sex.

He is back in town now for 3 months and he couldn't go 2 days without having sex. I think that he has been cheating on me for the last 6 months. He goes out of town and gets his sex fix there and can go without it the 2 days that he sees me, BUT NOW that he is in town now and has only been for 4 days so far we suddenly have sex.

HELP!!! someone please tell me what you think.

anchorwatch

Tina, I'm sorry for your situation. I don't know if he's getting it anywhere else. I do know he's a sorry ass of a husband.

You should never let yourself be treated such an abusive way.
Regardless if he is cheating or not, the abusiveness alone is enough disrespect for you to leave him. No one should have to live in a relationship like yours. I'm assuming you had no warning signs before the marriage. If so, he pulled a bait and switch on you. Looks like he only wanted a housekeeper, babysitter and some sex, during the little time he's home.

I'd say get some help, leave him or both. Don't waste your time trying to fix him. Your young, its only a year lost. Everyone deserves a fulfilling relationship, so do you.

C123

Tina,

This is just awful. No one deserves this kind of treatment. There are so many red flags that I don't even know where to begin.

Typically, men who constantly accuse their wives of cheating without any evidence to support it are doing so because they are involved in something they shouldn't be involved in. I'd be very concerned that he is projecting his own behavior here.

This is especially true given his own admission of an "extremely strong sex drive." I've got news for you. Every man on the planet has an extremely strong sex drive. The fact that he and his friends actually brought this up to you tells me he was probably laying the foundation for future affairs, e.g., "I told you I had a very strong sex drive! It's not my fault!" Don't fall for that crap. It's utter nonsense.

This is an abusive relationship, no way around it. He might not be physically harming you, but he might as well be. He's going to destroy your psyche, confidence and self worth.

I'm sorry to say this, but you got conned. If I were in your shoes, I'd start preparing for my exit, because I can't imagine this manipulative prick is going to change.

Also, given his behavior, I'd be concerned about my own sexual health. You are responsible for protecting yourself! Good luck!

Tina Sweeney

Thank you for your advise! This is what my mom has been telling me for 6 months now. Living in his world of "smoke and mirrors" has left me with no confidence and second-guessing every fight as if i really caused it. I am trying everyday to get the strength to leave. This really opened up my eyes today seeing a non-bias perspective.