better2gether

I'm going to give some background before I get to my concerns/ questions. My bf and I met in October 2009. We have both been in serious relationships before. Call it what you want but for us it was love at first sight. He is amazing. He always tells me I'm beautiful, appreciates the things I do, helps around the house, hands on father etc. Our son was born 1 month before our 1 year anniversary. He went out of work in February 2011 on workman's comp. Then again in August 2011. We didn't get paid until January 2012. So the past year has been difficult. To add to it all I suffered from post partum depression (I think it was just down on your luck depression) anyway.... we have been fighting a lot the past 6 months. Our sex life is and always has been great. We have sex or some kind of sexual contact 3-4 times a week. He has always genuinely been attracted to my body even right after our son was born and I weighed 100 pounds more than I did before I got pregnant.
My concerns...
About a week ago I snknowd (no need to tell me this was wrong because I know) I found about 5 different Google image searches for things like "sexy women" girl on girl porn" girl on girl naked" sexy lingerie and a search for youporn. Now I know its normal for men and women to look and masturbate to pictures/porn. My concern is that
a. He has never looked at porn to masturbate before(to my knowledge)
B. He has always told me that I'm the only one who gets him off, when I'm not there he says he's always used dirty pictures of me
C. He is lying to me about it. He says he didn't look it up and it was probably just an add. There are no adds for a straight up Google image search of girl on girl nude
I know its normal but I'm still hurt. The weird part is that I've even suggested watching it together in the past.
I didn't get mad. I just asked him about it. The search was when were fighting pretty bad. We have since made up and things seem fine but I'm still feeling bad about myself because of this. During our fight he also told me that he doesn't love me as much as he used to but took it back after we made up. But its still stuck in my head. He also used to tell me he couldn't wait to marry me. Now he doesn't want to get married. He just went back to work a few weeks ago and things seem better. But I'm still concerned and would like some male insight. Thanks!
Posted via Mobile Device

better2gether

Ladies welcome to respond as well. Especially if you have insight as to how I might overcome my insecurities!
Posted via Mobile Device

lamaga

Well, you've asked quite a hot button question around here.

I can only tell you my opinion, as a 53-year old female who has had quite a few relationships.

This is nothing. Normal young men look at porn, and they frequently lie about it because they think they're going to get in trouble for it. Which you proved.

Let that go.

Now -- your last paragraph indicates that you guys have some more serious problems going on. Have you given that some thought?

pmiller

The porn thing is nothing (agree's with lamaga) it's a normal thing all around. He probably denied it because he figured you would get mad, or he isn't that comfortable talking to you about it, so he hides it. Maybe he's a little ashamed of it.. that also pretty common.

To get past this part, maybe stop by a adult store and pick one up.. maybe even pick up a couple other things while you're there.

As far as now saying he doesn't want to get married... figure this out BEFORE you do. Maybe he is second guessing, maybe he is worried that he won't be able to provide for you guys given his recent work outage (huge blow to the male ego there), maybe it's just cold feet. It could be someone he knows is having marital problems and doesn't want to ever have to go through them (it's like having your nuts in a vice sometimes)

Either way, the only way you will figure this out is... communication. Don't be confrontive about it.. just talk. (I wish I could go back and take my own advice here..lol)