I posted this topic in another forum but thought i would post it here as well because I would really like a man's point of view on this...The other day my husband accidentally left his phone at home when he went to work. He has done this before and i have never looked through his phone or had the urge to, but for some reason on that particular day something told me to go through his internet history. I honestly didn't really think i would find anything, but in his history i found tens of dozens (if not hundreds) of times he had logged on to various pornography sites and all of them were of women with HUGE breasts. when i say huge, i don't mean like a D cup - i mean these women literally all had breasts the size of my head. And some of the sites were just of women with huge breasts taking off their tops and touching or shaking their breasts,etc. Not even having sex which I could understand if my husband likes to watch random porn of people engaging in sexual activity every once in a while. Who doesn't? But these were mostly a lot of sites of just naked women with enormous breasts, so he was obviously just watching to fantasize about their bodies. I confronted him about it when he got home and after being embarassed and not being able to speak for a while, he said he was so sorry and he didn't know why he did it and he would never do it again. i asked him how long this had been going on and he said since he got his new phone that has internet (which i think has been about a year.) i feel so hurt and like he is not attracted to me, although he says he is happy with my body. I am a 34D, but i feel so insecure now that i have seen what kind of breasts actaully turn him on. I am trying really hard to move on, but i think about this all the time and i don't know how to get over it. I like watching porn too sometimes, but never ever have i done it because i wanted to lust over some other guys body. I just like to see what they do (sex, oral sex, etc) But this was obviously more than that, he was watching to fantasize about huge breasts. I feel traumatized. I would like to hear from men out there who can tell me if this is normal guy behavior, or if i should be worried that he is not attracted to me or wishes i had bigger breasts? I asked him if he wanted me to get breast implants and he said no, but i don't know what to believe..
You violated his privacy for no good reason. You say that it is the first time, but that is unlikely.
You dressed him down like his mother because you found porn. Although you look at porn, he has to be shamed because his is different than what you watch. You treated him like an insolent child for doing exactly what you do.
You then hide behind words like hurt, insecure, traumatized and betrayed for him doing the same thing you do.
You embarrassed an apology and promise out of him that he will most likely not keep, because coercion doesn't work.
Instead of respecting him in the first place, you chose to find something and make an issue out of it. You went looking to get your feelings hurt and did.
__________________ The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?
OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
Last edited by Mistys dad; 06-27-2012 at 07:56 PM.
1) Why do I like them big. Because they jiggle. Yum. I like more watching my wife squirm underneath me. If the porn is an addiction and causing a problem in the marriage you might have a leg to stand on. If not BFD!!!
2) To bad he caved to your sh*t test. A lot of men on this board wouldn't have. I would be more worried about his NG tendencies for later in the marriage.
Usually those extremely, enormous breasts are attached to enormous women. So if you don't match that description, do you think he wants you to gain weight also?
Listen you said you are a 34D, plenty big enough for 99% of men. He looked at porn that didn't exactly fit who you are, but that (99% chance) means nothing. If it was gay porn, you might have a reason to question something.
Also why are you worried about him fantasizing if you don't care if he watches porn in the 1st place?
ok, well i asked for brutal honesty and that is what i got. It was a little painful to read some of the posts, but i do thank you all so far for your honesty. to reply to Misty's dad, i was actually on his phone because he had a video on there of my ultrasound (i am 2 1/2 months pregnant with our first) and i was trying to find the video to send it to my mom. i dont know why but i just had that gut feeling to check the history - and honestly, he has left his phone lying around many times and i never have looked through it before. if i had, i would have found out about this a long time ago since he said it's been going on for about a year now. i am not an overly jealous person and we do watch porn together sometimes, but i thought we were both watching it to get excited by what other people were doing, not what they look like. I don't know why that seems more hurtful. it may seem unrational - that's just how i feel. also, to reply to what mr happy said, could you please let me know what NG tendencies means? i'm not very up to date on computer abbreviations. again, i do appreciate the feedback so far, but haven't really gotten an answer to my question - does what he looks at on the internet mean he is lacking attraction for me or wishing i had bigger breasts?
You feel like that but men don't. We are very visual and can usually detach a picture from reality. Put a 1970 Mustang Cobra or porn in front of me and tell me to only choose one and I would have to think about it. Add my wife to the mix fully clothed and I would choose my wife without hesitation. Now a marriage with problems might not go that way and you might have to dig for the cause.
NG = nice guy (not dominate). A guy who caves to his wife just to please her and doesn't stand up for himself. NOT a jerk who only cares about himself but someone who is comfortable with who he is. Being a NG causes resentment and WILL destroy a marriage. This doesn't mean not to voice an opinion. I always listen a re-evaluate my values if need be but will not be yelled at a brought into an argument.
What we look at on the internet and what we actually want in our lives are two very different things. I've stared at the weirdest things on the internet and would never want them to be in my life. Give your husband more boob play and do it with pride...34D is nothing to sneeze at!
mr happy, up until i found this out, i was in a "bubble" of thinking we had a near perfect marriage. we dated for 3 years and have now been married for 3 years. we laugh together, have a lot of the same interests, are always loving and respectful of each other, never name call, etc ,etc. i have never turned him down for sex and i dont believe we have ever ever gone longer than a week without sex, but usually we have sex more like every day or at least every other day. I'm slender and haven't gained any weight since we got married and i still try to look nice for him. I always tell him how handsome he is and that i love his body and his "male member". i thought i was doing everything right to make him happy and not want for anything. i want desperately to please him and be his "dream girl" both the person i am on the inside and how he feels about my body. i guess what everyone has said so far is that what he looks at online has nothing to do with what he wants in reality, but if i was online a lot specifically looking up huge penises, then i think my husband would think that is what i wanted. and if the ones i always looked at were much bigger than his, i think he would feel inadequate.
You have every right to feel upset, what your husband is looking at is unrealistic for most women and especially for you. I do think porn is harmful to marraiges, and that couples should focus on each other and fantasize about each other. It is doable.
Moreover I don't think there should be secrets in a marraige. Posted via Mobile Device
As long as it isn't causing any problems in your sex life or anything Id let it go.
I guess some women are different. But many, if not most women I know read those smutty romance novels. My other half does, her friends do, her mom and aunts do, my mother and aunt do also.
Its the same thing, just a fantasy. For guys its visual, for women its mental. Dosent mean anything.
Also, I can honestly say that I'll look at just about any kind of porn. I wouldn't want to actually do most of it. Nor would I want to be with those women.
I am a boob guy.. I love them.. I love them big too.. 34D is probably just the exact size that i would go nuts over. That to 42DD...You are so lucky to have those and most girls I know would do anything for a real chest like that. If he is cheating or addicted to porn thats one thing.. But if he is a boob guy and you have those, then you shouldn't be worried.
You did violate his trust and privacy, but I'm sure an apology would fix that. If he is a big boob man and you are graced with what you have, then flaunt it. Instead of him looking at porn and on a site with just jigglin boobies, why not send him a video of your jugs a-jiggling? I'm not sure if your comfortable with that, but if it was me, and I got a text with that.. OH BOY!! you'd be in for some fun when I get home!!
if you are ok with sending pics of yourself or video to him, then do it. Tease him with a low cut shot. don't have to be topless or showing anything.. then when he comes home meet him at the door topless...ask him if he would like to say hello to the girls..
I speak for myself of course, but men LOVE these games when it involved the woman in their life. Again, not sure if your comfortable with sending that kinda stuff, but tease him..ask him if he's heard what happened in the rocky mountains today.. when he texts you back that he did.. send him a pick of your chest and tell him they have relocated to his living room..
I'm sure I'll get some flak from a few ladies here, but I'm just being an honest boob addicted guy.
34d...honestly..he's a lucky man and you are a lucky girl.
mr happy, up until i found this out, i was in a "bubble" of thinking we had a near perfect marriage. we dated for 3 years and have now been married for 3 years. we laugh together, have a lot of the same interests, are always loving and respectful of each other, never name call, etc ,etc. i have never turned him down for sex and i dont believe we have ever ever gone longer than a week without sex, but usually we have sex more like every day or at least every other day. I'm slender and haven't gained any weight since we got married and i still try to look nice for him. I always tell him how handsome he is and that i love his body and his "male member". i thought i was doing everything right to make him happy and not want for anything. i want desperately to please him and be his "dream girl" both the person i am on the inside and how he feels about my body. i guess what everyone has said so far is that what he looks at online has nothing to do with what he wants in reality, but if i was online a lot specifically looking up huge penises, then i think my husband would think that is what i wanted. and if the ones i always looked at were much bigger than his, i think he would feel inadequate.
I'm going to put my two cents in, for whatever they are worth.
You mention that you wanted to be his "dream girl." Do you really think that when you got married, that he would never look at another woman, fantasize about another woman and have eyes for YOU only for the rest of his life.
That's a tad bit naive. He married you, not because of your breasts, but because you attracted him in many ways, I'm sure. Your personality, he had fun with you, you made him laugh, you excited him, he enjoyed having sex with you--could be all of those or a number of different things. But just because he likes huge breasts doesn't mean he doesn't like yours or you.
I'll give you an example--my husband is like yours--a huge breast man. Huge--loves them, always has--says he's loved them since he was a teenager. Now, his first wife--flat as a board. Said he didn't marry her for her breasts, he loved her even if she didn't have any. But--he still looked at huge breasted women and still bought big breast magazines (before the internet of course).
Now me, I have huge breasts--but guess what--he still looks at huge breasts on the internet, even though there's a large pair that lay in bed next to him every night.
So I think you're making more of it than it is/was. If you both weren't having sex and you weren't intimate--then, I would say you need to worry. But give the guy a break--take it from me, once he thinks you are snooping on him, he will start not to trust you and will move it underground--this comes from personal experience.
From my own perspective, I made a bigger deal about porn than it needed to be, simply because I felt insecure. Don't get caught in the same trap--it will drive you crazy.
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husband obsessed with huge breasts 
