Jimbob82

Thanks for all the replies folks, they have given me a new perspective, although ultimately the situation hasn't changed. On saturday, the saddest thing for me was seeing my gorgeous 1 year old son, full of wonder, sat next to her on the settee, and her face was buried in that darn phone the whole time. She barely looks up from it, ever. She is a stay at home mother, but attends daily groups with other moms and their kids, and also goes to 2 exercise groups a week. I know these are genuine as other moms go to it, plus they are women only classes, led by another mom. I am so sad that she is oblivious to the damage it is doing, I rarely even have the confidence to initiate anything now. When I try and cuddle up on the setee, most times she likes 'oh just give me some space and stop pawing at me' and other times when we go up to bed (after she's sat on FB etc all night) and I do my favourite thing of putting my arms around her, it doesn't work anymore and she tends to sigh and face the other way, says good night and goes to sleep. Another masturbation beckons...
Posted via Mobile Device

Paulination

OP, my wife was similar to yours for a couple of years but has really toned it down. I put up with it but it really didn't bother me until we ran into a rough patch in the marriage and then I saw it as a threat.

It caused some pretty good fights for awhile and then one day she sort of got it. She realized it was a problem and completely changed her habits. She won't change until she percieves it to be the problem you think it is.

mina

I was a little guilty of this, heading the wrong direction. I took up exercise and started paying more attention to my husband and suddenly I noticed that my computer and phone time dropped off quite precipitously.

I am in the IT field so I do get paid to sit at the computer all day, though. The difference is now I no longer work until 7pm or later doing programming. I shut off the computer at about 6pm and it pretty much stays off all night. I lose my phone regularly after hours.

Jimbob82

It does look like a total addiction. What would you guys says is a reasonable amount of time to spend staring at a cell-phone non-stop and ignore basically everyone and everything around you.

I only ask because last night, the damn phone did not leave her hand pretty much at all between 3:30pm-11:30pm. That's basically 8 hours solid sat staring at at. She does it when putting the baby to bed ( I do it some nights) and even has to take it the toilet. When she's not on it, or has to have her attention taken away from it - she gets SO angry and irritable - can it be like an instant 'Cold Turkey' she's getting if she has to put it down?

I'm so fed up now to be honest, and in a way am in a kind of 'mourning', that the fun-loving, affectionate woman I fell for all those years ago has become a FB addict with no love or affection any more. There's not a day or evening/night goes by that it's not in her hands, she's even neglecting things that she has to do (like wrapping parcels for ebay items she needs to post - I'm doing it all)Jees, I'm only 30 and bored and frustrated, is this it for the next 50 years?

arbitrator

Jimbob:

Classic signs of FB addiction that has greatly escalated to the point that it is having serious consequences with your married relationship.

Now I haven't exactly been accused of being the sharpest knife in the drawer, but it doesn't exactly take a nuclear physicist to figure out that given the circumstances that you have so aptly described, that your wife has completely oversaturated herself with FB, to the point that there is little to no affection being demonstrated to you by her. Rational human physiology would greatly dictate a need for companionship, closeness, and, yes, even sex, as at least from a hormonal release standpoint. Apparently, you are more than willing to comply, but she obviously is not.

That coupled with her usage of FB, missed messages coming at the odd hours of the night is clearly indicative of other human contact at a time that she doesn't think it would arouse suspicion on your part. Those messages need to be verified either with or without her permission. I'm fearful that she's at least in EA mode and when the time comes that she becomes noticeably absent from the family home, then she has, in all probability, taken it to PA.

You two need to have a "Come to Jesus Meeting" about it~ if she is, in the least bit, unreceptive to it, that is in giving you verifiable passwords and details, then you would have no other recourse than to go 180; because the noticeable lack of affection toward you speaks volumes about the distinct probability that she's finding her affection from yet another sourse, possibly an old flame that has "found" her, or vice-versa, on the FB network.

I just know that that is what had to have occurred in my situation. After all, if it looks like poop, and smells like poop, then you would have a fairly good probabilty that that's exactly what it is!

Best of luck to you and the kids! My heart goes out to you!

__________________
"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Jimbob82

Thank you arbitrator for a wonderful reply, I will see what can be done from here. It has got to the point now where I'm going to kiss her goodbye on a morning before my ten hour shift, that she doesn't even look up from what she's doing, there is no affection, I just peck her on the cheek and she says 'see you later' as if I'm a total afterthought. When I get home, it's always a case of (from her) 'I've had a stressful day, I'm now going to chill out and sit down' - with, you've guessed it, the phone!

arbitrator

My educated guess is that she fastly developed an obsession with the cell phone, then with FB, then with someone "special" either on FB or some other social networking channel.

Would her cell phone perchance be a "smart phone?"

__________________
"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

He'sallright

To the op....I am more or less in the same boat dude. My wife is constantly in her phone or her kindle. Facebook, pinterest, etc. She is also addicted to tv. There's rarely a moment when she is not plugged in. It is extremely frustrating for me... I totally sympathize with you.

She watches movies on her kindle in bed til late late at night... It has Pretty much killed our intimacy. Can't say that I've been all that interested, however. She has gained a lot of weight... All of it due to a general lack of exercise. Who needs fresh air and sunshine... when you can have an entire bag of chips on the couch while playing on your iphone?

Sorry to hear that you're not the only one dude. I have no real advice to offer. I can say that i plan on giving her an ultimatum soon... about her "device habit" and her weight. She's volatile, too. I decided i am just going to have to get over that and bite the b!tch bullet.
Posted via Mobile Device

Jimbob82

Hey dude, sorry to hear that also! It's really comforting knowing that you come a distant second to a smart phone ain't it!

Do you find that the most annoying thing about it is the way you are pushed to one side at the end of the day, every day? - it's never a case of, 'I'm coming off my phone now so I can spend some time with you to chill, chat and have some fun' - it's always 'I'm coming off my phone now, to go to bed - to go to sleep' - WHAM, passion killer!

He'sallright

Yeah, absolutely discouraging. she spends hours on end messing with her phone or kindle... With the tv turned on. when she's ready to crash, it's just a quick peck on the cheek... And then time for some netflix. She pops in her ear buds and that's the end of it. Sometimes she tries to get cuddley with me... But I'm very often not in the mood.

The thought that intimacy is being initiated solely on her terms and her timeline makes me... I don't know... Resentful. I don't wanna come off as cold and uncaring towards her. I do care. I just hate seeing her life being engulfed by all that nonsense. ...is a walk in the park too much to ask for? ha!

What do you plan on doing? I'm doing a 180 on my life... I've lost lots of weight and have been toning and firming up my body. I am hoping that she notices my progress and will finally snap out of it. Here's hoping...

Toffer

Jimbo,

Do you have access to her FB account and can you look at her phone when she's asleep?

You should check waht's going on just to be sure it's a FB addiction alone and there isn't a 3rd party involved

Trust but verify.

Also, this will be your life if you don't step up and deal with it!

He'sallright

I wouldn't rule anything out. Your story, from the posts I've read so far, seems to suggest that your W is having some kind of an affair... if not physical, then perhaps an emotional affair? That does happen... sometimes spouses look for emotioal connections with others through social networking. It CAN be easy and discreet, if their careful. Since you're no longer on facebook, she's potentially got free reign to do whatever she wants.

I get that you're fed up with FB. I understand why you walked away from it. However, I'd highly recommend getting back on there and checking up on her.

Maricha75

As a woman who is/was always on the computer...including Facebook, and on my cell, texting all the time.... I agree with Toffer to check to be certain it's "just" a Facebook addiction. In my case, had my husband checked up on my activities, he would have discovered my emotional affair long before it ended on its own. I was fortunate that it DID end on its own. But I agree...check it out. She's neglecting the kids. She's neglecting her responsibilities...for crying out loud you said she isn't taking care of ebay sales like she is supposed to! Don't do it for her. She needs to get off her @ss and do these things HERSELF!

__________________
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...time-i-do.html
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...elievable.html

Latigo

This thread serves to remind me why I came down hard on my wifes FB activity. It also tells me that I did the right thing. The things you guys are going through are my worst friggin' nightmare! Being a nice guy by nature, there was a part of me that felt guilt for what I did. In fact, one of my reasons for joining this forum was to consider opposing views and to sort out whether I was being a good husband or just another jealous idiot. In almost 3 years of reading/posting I have yet to read anything that changes my opinions. Quite the opposite.

Santa

Yes its sounds very much how my life has been the last several years. Stop giving a **** and start planning your life forward. If she shows no interest in "sharing a life" with you, then let her see you have no problem moving forward. If that doesnt get her attention, you didnt have anything left anyway.

Like I told my wife, I dont need a roomate. Much less one that doesnt contribute. I can pay a maid to clean the house for far less. If there isnt a "relationship" between us, there will be no "us".

Get your head out of your phone and off Facebook, put on your big girl panties and act like an adult wife and mother that gives a damn about her husband and family. If not, I will move forward with divorce and find someone that will be happy to.


Sometimes they dont realize how good they have it until reality hits them like a brick.