well here is what im doing so far, some of what you mentioned but i actually did it before i read it.
i have suggested she take a nap while i watch the kids. it worked and she looked like she needed sleep and wasnt feeling well.
i have suggested she go get her hair done or something. i think she is getting her nails done.
i have separated out a "mommy and daddy time" and a stricter bedtime for the kids so she knows she has some time when i get out of work and also before bed just for her (kids permitting).
i have stopped ignoring her texts, and premptively started sending her one telling her i loved her. her texting has slowed down some.
i have left a note telling her i loved her before i went to work in the a.m. (i leave before anyones awake).
i lowered the amount of hours im putting into work.
im preemptively asking her to come to me, instead of trying to get her to leave me alone. she seems much happier.
i told her im taking her birthday off from work for her, and taking a vacation next month to spend time with her. which i am.
i sent her out on errands while i watched the kids. Just told her i really wasnt up to going out and asked her to please go run errands. It also would give her a break from the children. she has. Course today she was asking me to go with her to spend time with me on the errands and i went so not sure what that says.
First thing i did when i got home today from work was ask her to lay on the couch with me for a few minutes. she seemed pretty excited it was my idea. Coursei almost fell to sleep laying there but it is the thought that counts.
i took her away for a overnight at our camp and stayed that following day. i hated driving back in the night but i still made it to work that morning so all is good.
i put pictures of her on my touch phone for a home page and showed it to her. So she knows im carrying around pictures of her too.
i called her on my lunch at work, BEFORE she managed to call me i beat her too it.
im not pushing her away now. im pulling her in and giving her a little more affirmity.
we are talking more now, and im listening more. But one thing i said to her is that im not a really lovey kind of guy but she shouldnt worry if she looks at the big picture i do most of what i do for her. Also that i was always there for her and had been there for her and i wasnt planning on going anywhere. She seemed to think about that for a few minutes and commented that i had always been there and relaxed some. I had actually told her this before, but she seemed to let it sink i this time.
wait and see what happens. But she seems to be calming down so far. She did look up co dependent and dependency on her own i guess. she brought it up to me earlier today. she agrees she is. But doesnt really see anything wrong with it. She actually told me "codependent wives in marriages have a lessened chance of ending their marriage in divorce" so she thinks it is a good thing. Also she said she is dependent on me for EVERYTHING and starting naming things off, physical, emotional, financial, etc. but she just is and she hopes it doesnt bother me too much. It really doesnt i told her she is great like she is then i noticed she left me to myself for a while and she seemed to relax there too.
Bought more ink for the copier and our printer. she wants to print and learn about coupons or something to save money and print pictures and things for a family photo album or something. she had a few going but ran out of ink. i order enough ink to last her a year and bought her another printer so we have three printers and a year of ink. figure that should keep her busy for a while she loves family photos stuff and seems to really want to get into printing coupons for some reason.....
Told her we could find some time to take the boat out. Its just a little offshore one we run around nearby lakes on. We have a boat and canoe, neither have been in the water this year i havent had time to get to it. But she seems to want to take the boat out with me so i have it on my to do list.
Going back to the camp on her birthday, and with her monday, kids too. just taking a day with them. i dont get much sleep with the back and forth driving but they seem to like it up there. Probably be easier to just stay up there a few days but i cant go that far, i do have to work i cant skip out to much.
And met with the family with her for a little get together. i was sure to hold my wifes hand and give her plenty of kisses in front of my mother and sister so they realized she was doing fine, we were fine. Also talked to my mother separatley about litening up on the wife a little. Mother sounded off a little defensively but i basically just said my wife is doing fine, a little positive encouragement from her would be helpful because over the years she had given her a complex.
something the wife said odd today "Our family really depends on your work doesn it?"
im not sure if she was saying it just to remind herself of that or what. But perhaps a realization hit her that i wasnt out just trying to avoid her.
i basically just told her that yes, it does. And you never know what could happen. That eventually we will be a little more financially secure and it wont be as big a concern but right now i really need to still keep myself concentrating on work too for all our sakes.