Child support question again: a bit deeper than previous

Scannerguard · 07-06-2012, 03:30 PM

My middle son came home blabbing about his mother getting a job promotion that involves a $50,000 raise. I went to the company website and sure enough, her job title has changed but of course, her salary isn't posted.

I am still paying her support but it will drop significantly (I will still owe her) in a year, when our youngest leaves daycare.

Here's the rub. . .honestly, we both are professionals and I wanted to set it up originally the way my attorney wanted to - no claim to child support, she carries insurance, we both part ways, no money exchanges hands. Simple, neat and clean.

But, she wouldn't hear of it so she has tried to nickel and dime me every step of the way.

I think it was just part of her value system, "A man should made to pay, dam the formula's!!!!"

Last year, I had to defend myself in court over 5 motions, all which were denied, one of them being she thought I should have to pay for school lunches.

My girlfriend can't even believe she's obsessing over school lunches, but now she has cancelled her credit card so the kids can't charge their lunches to her card, thereby forcing me to pony up, even though the Judgment specifically says that's part of child support.

Oy. Such drama.

My question that's supposed to be in here somewhere:

Should I petition the court for a reduction? It's been almost 2 years and I have been on time.

I am still paying off my attorney from the last time.

Here's my feelings. If I knew in my heart of hearts she wouldn't petition me every time SHE got a bug up her butt, I would just wish her well and congratulate her on her raise and promotion.

But she just isn't like that. If it were opposite, you can bet she'd be all over me like a fly on crap.

I haven't talked to my attorney yet. . .my gf says the petitioning process is relatively straight-forward and I guess there is a process of discovery and disclosure.

Any advice? I don't know. . .maybe my 9 year old son was just making the whole thing up too.

Homemaker_Numero_Uno · 07-06-2012, 03:42 PM

Well, in my state the total amount goes up when there is an increase. Under this sort of scenario, your percentage of contribution would go down, but the total amount would likely go up, or stay the same. Look at the spreadsheet or formula that is used to calculate support, plug in the new numbers, and then figure out if it's worth it. You might not have to use an attorney if it's just a matter of petitioning under some clause that allows you to do that.

turnera · 07-06-2012, 03:46 PM

Do it.

Scannerguard · 07-06-2012, 04:01 PM

Well, I used an online calculator and my child support actually goes to zero. I am not sure if I did it right though.

Let me say. . .it would be welcome relief.

Hope1964 · 07-06-2012, 04:05 PM

Hell yes, do it. Why WOULDN'T you?

Scannerguard · 07-06-2012, 04:13 PM

Hope,

Sounds crazy, but I only want good relations with this unreasonable woman. If it meant good relations, I'd keep paying the child support.

(yeah, crazy, but true)

Most men (and this is why I posted it in the Men's Lounge) just want to go our way and be done with it when we divorce.

I am not trying to gold-dig or convert my marriage into a 15 year annuity as long as the kids are young.

Most women I find just the opposite. . .given the chance, they'll go for the jugular - she's fighting over school lunches for crying out loud when she's making upper 5 figures or now perhaps mid 6 figures.

I'm sorry, but my own life experiences have proven this prejudice to be true for the most part.

I guess it's my own dysfunction. . .I keep thinking if I be nice and play nice, she'll be nice, but everything for the last 15 years and especially the last 2 years has proven that to be untrue about her.

Maybe I can call her employer and ask what "pay grade" her position is to extrapolate what she makes in a range and see if this is even true or something my 9 year old was talking out his butt. (as 9 year olds often do).

She is unfortunately a sneak and her word is to not be trusted.

Homemaker_Numero_Uno · 07-06-2012, 04:23 PM

I take a lot less than the formula says I can.
That way I feel better about my lifestyle.
I COULD take a full time job, but I prefer to live a simpler, more frugal lifestyle and to spend more time with my kids.
Also, the times when I ask their dad to pick them up or drop them off here, vs. halfway or 1/3 way for me, I feel better about it.
And when he wants the kids more, I don't worry about saying yes if the kids want to go, and then having their support slashed on account of it. It's already low.
The other thing is child care, when I need it - which is rarley, because of my lifestyle - it's expensive, so having less income lowers the cost of the child care, since it's sliding scale. If I had more support, I'd also be working more, and then I'd need more child care, the bottom line would be the same, I'd spend more time working and commuting and less time with my kids, and my kid with the disability wouldn't be accommodated as well, also we'd be using up more resources like dog sitter and car and tires and mileage and risk in the winter and stuff just falling apart logistically when kids are out of school or someone is sick.

Not all women go for the jugular. Some are content to take what's really necessary to care for their kids, and don't like to take money that they don't need, out of the pocket of the other parent, which is really the same as taking money out of your kids' day to day lives when they are with the other parent.

My kids have grandparents on their dads' sides which have trust funds. I can afford to live my lifestyle because I know it will only affect me in the long run. I don't have to worry about leaving behind some kind of estate for my kids' benefit if something were to happen to me. So I give them the best gift I can give them, which is my time together with them, and do it frugally. We have a lot of fun, and are close. No amount of extra money can really provide that. I'm suspicious of anyone who says it can.

Conrad&Janie · 07-06-2012, 04:27 PM

5 petitions in the last year and you want to play Mr. Nice Guy.

Wow.

Hope1964 · 07-06-2012, 04:41 PM

I'm not like your wife whatsoever. When I left my first husband, a court order went in place for child support from him - a hundred something dollars for three kids. Yes, seriously. He worked under the table and his taxes showed he had no income. When we divorced it went up to just over $500 a month. I have never taken him to court for anything since.

I didn't really care. I knew I'd never get anything and I just wanted to be DONE with him. That was 18 years ago, and today he owes me over $65,000 because he has never paid unless something was garnisheed.

When I split with my current hubby in 2010 for a few months, I didn't make him pay anything, despite the fact all 3 kids were still at home and two were still young enough to get it. I make more money than him so what's the point?? I'd way rather rely on no one but myself. I'm a lot more like a guy in other ways too - tonight I'm going home to drink beer and watch football

I honestly don't understand gold diggers.

Cara · 07-06-2012, 05:27 PM

"I guess it's my own dysfunction. . .I keep thinking if I be nice and play nice, she'll be nice, but everything for the last 15 years and especially the last 2 years has proven that to be untrue about her."

You know what they say about nice guys? Besides, in the next sentence you answered your own question. I really dont mean to sound mean, but you are coming off really weak. To me all this junk always comes down to whats best for the kids, and another aspect of that is showing them a strong, father who doesnt take crap from his petty ex-wife. Child support, while necessary most of the time, is a real tragedy when it is used by the recipient to abuse the payer. She is, if what your son said is true, STEALING from you. Thats a big deal and at some point your kids will see how you are letting a woman control and take advantage of you. Remember, they live in their future what they saw in their past.
Posted via Mobile Device

Hopefull363 · 07-06-2012, 08:14 PM

Check with a lawyer before trying to go for a reduction. Here in NY it's 17% of your yearly income for one child. Doesn't matter what your wife makes. The sliding % for things like daycare, private school and health insurance depends on income. If you both make the same amount the the cost for that is 50% each in addition to the child support. Every state is different. Look online for your state.

If you go for a reduction and your income went up you could be paying more.

Conrad&Janie · 07-06-2012, 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hopefull363

Check with a lawyer before trying to go for a reduction. Here in NY it's 17% of your yearly income for one child. Doesn't matter what your wife makes. The sliding % for things like daycare, private school and health insurance depends on income. If you both make the same amount the the cost for that is 50% each in addition to the child support. Every state is different. Look online for your state.

If you go for a reduction and your income went up you could be paying more.

New York is a joke.

Lived there long enough to figure it out.

Married in VA · 07-07-2012, 07:30 AM

Scanner,
You must fully evaluate the circumstances as they are now. Fully trusting what your child says about a pay raise is not the best idea. Ex-spouses tend to brag to the children knowing it is going to get back to you in an attempt to make you jealous. You must investigate further. Each state has formulas as spelled out by statute. You need to take your current income and your best guess of her current income and plug them in and see where you land. I personally wouldn't recommend going for a reduction unless there is significant savings. By this, I would mean at least a 20% reduction.

If you do go for the reduction, you don't need an attorney. The forms are pretty straight forward and the filing fee is small (Here in VA anyway). All the judge is going to care about at the hearing is proof of yours and your wife's income. If she did get the raise and your income and time spent with the child hasn't changed, then you should get the reduction.

EleGirl · 07-07-2012, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scannerguard

Well, I used an online calculator and my child support actually goes to zero. I am not sure if I did it right though.

Let me say. . .it would be welcome relief.

Do you live in California? They have an online calculator.

If you do, I know of a company that will calculate using the Dissomaster software that the court uses. They only charge $40 to run it.. and you can have it run up to 10 times.

We used it with my brother's divorce. Their caclulations matched the court medator's calculations to the penny every time.

EleGirl · 07-07-2012, 08:39 AM

Figure out how much you will save. If the savings will cover the attorney's fees go for it.

If you think she will lie about her income, our attorney can supena her company for her pay etc.