If you wife of 15 years told you that she would not have chosen you if she could do life all over again, would you still be able to continue staying married to her? Forget about all the circumstances such as kids, finances, the great life you have built together, everyday enjoyment, how good the sex is etc. and please answer one simple question. Could you stay married to a person who would not choose you again but only stays married due to having kids together.
That would depend on why she said that. Why is she unhappy? My wife would have said that a few years ago. I changed some things about myself and therefore she was willing to change some things too. We're not very happy together.
Have you thought about going to a marriage councilor?
If it wasn't because of some legitimate, objectively big-time screw-up on my part (and I'm talking adultery, chronic alcoholism, murdering her Chihuahua, etc.), no. That would kill a piece of my heart that would never grow back. I'd be done, and the only question would be when I filed.
Sure why not. Talk is cheap. I know for example that no matter what no matter what she says or how much she complains or how miserable she says she is, my wife will never make any effort to leave me. That would deprive her of some many things to be miserable about. So if she told me what you said, I just say 'ditto'.
Thank you. It's hard to believe most of us made the decision at the time let alone having the dubious benefit of 15 years of intimate knowledge of our partner. But it still wasn't a very nice thing to say.
I am confused by something that is quite important: you say that her one big issue is sexual compatibility. But you do not wish to work on it now because she has upset you. Why is that? The incompatibility caused her to feel that way. Why not address it and see if her feelings change?
I get the sense you don't want to address this issue. Instead you come on here, tell a group of strangers almost nothing about your marriage. And despite knowing almost nothing of your situation they recommend divorce.
Originally Posted by inking
It is a sexual incompatibility issue which I am more than willing to work on. She is too.
My problem is that I am hung up on her assertion that she would have chosen differently if given another chance. I tend not to stay around people who would avoid me if they could.
We are considering sex counseling but I need to get past this other issue first before I can contemplate discussing intimacy.
Forget about all the circumstances such as kids,............ Could you stay married to a person who would not choose you again but only stays married due to having kids together.
the question cant be simply answered without considering the circumstances. if you in fact have kids, especially young ones you have an obligation, in my opinion to do what it takes to bring them up in a wholesome family environment. potentialy (most likely) damaging your children because of a split is selfish. if there is one thing I have come to realize in 15 years of marriage is that bad things happen (are said), you try to make them better, then time heals. being hummiliated by comments directed at your manlyness is painful for sure. The way I feel is that I planted the seed now i'm responsible for my childs wellbeing no matter the cost