Here's the situation. Yesterday we had our company golf tournament and afterwards went back to the owners house for dinner, drinks and a campout. Being the awesome Dad that I am (no sarcasm here, I am a really good father), I called home at 7:45 to say goodnight to my daughter. While talking to my wife about the day there were a few guys around me in the driveway talking, and every once in a while would fire off a comment my way.
All of a sudden the line goes dead. I thought maybe I had lost signal, but still had 3 bars. Called her back to find out that she had hung up on me because "She didn't want to be in a conversation with 5 other people". Then hangs up again.
I'm not about to be hung up on again, so I threw the phone in the tent trailer and didn't check it again till this morning. Turns out she had tried calling me 19 times, sent a text message (which she NEVER does), sent me 3 emails, and even a Facebook message. All the messages pretty much said the same thing - that I am such an awful person for not calling to say goodnight to my daughter, and that drinking was more important than my family.
I should add that I very rarely drink, and come home right after work every night to be with my family.
I just don't know what to think about all this. One more thing - today is our 11th anniversary, and one of her messages stated that she was taking the girls somewhere today.
She is just being dramatic and passive-aggressive. Probably angry that you're out with friends while she's at home.
Or it could be deeper and she could be having panic attacks when your schedule changes like this...maybe she has issues with abandonment and this is the effect of a mini panic attack.
I was once like this. It was horrible. I got therapy for my issues and now I don't behave that way.
Talk to her about it...don't rugsweep this. Tell her you don't appreciate her blowing up your phone when you had called twice and she hung up. But then ask her why she is behaving that way. Be loving but don't let her blame you.
She is a drama queen laying a full blown sh!t test on you.
She is acting like a child throwing a tantrum, treat her like you would a child that is throwing a tantrum. Ignore her until she calms down. Then tell her that she behaved inappropriately for an adult.
Stay calm, don't raise your voice or feed into the fight she will want to start. Do just what you would to a two year old, ignore the acting out, respond to the rational.
__________________ The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?
OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
Whenever I answer or make a call on my phone,I always ask excuse if others are around.
I NEVER talk to other people at the same time, whilst I'm on the phone. I think its bad etiquette.
My wife did it to me once and I did the same as your wife. I told her when she's ready to talk to me,then she can call back,and I hung up.
She NEVER did that to me again.
But then,that's just me.
Yeah, she should not have hung up on you, but yeah, you should not have tossed your phone away for the whole night. A dad mighta wondered if the kids were okay, that's all.
Not being able to get a hold of you at all, all night, wasn't a good move. Implies that something else was going on.
I think you both overreacted. IMO. I would have excused myself for privacy and called back. That's all.
1) She was offended you could not give her your full attention for a moment. Hey you were off having a blast so why put any blame on her here?
2) You saw she was hacked off, right or wrong. Bad move shutting down your phone. Most of us could have predicted she would reach out to you at some point. When she could not reach you, THEN there was a further problem. If there was drama, you provided your share for sure.
3) yes the comments from the others matter. I guess it was just drunken chatter. I would have been annoyed if I was on the other end of the phone myself. Then highly PO'd when I could not get in touch later on.
So if the genders were reversed I would have felt the same way. My wife shutting off her phone would have caused our marriage a big problem AND I would not be ok with the next event because of it.
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Last edited by Entropy3000; 07-21-2012 at 02:44 PM.
1) She was offended you could not give her your full attention for a moment. Hey you were off having a blast so why put any blame on her here?
2) You saw she was hacked off, right or wrong. Bad move shutting down your phone. Most of us could have predicted she would reach out to you at some point. When she could not reach you, THEN there was a further problem. If there was drama, you provided your share for sure.
3) yes the comments from the other matter. I guess it was just drunken chatter. I would have been annoyed if I was on the other end of the phone myself. Then highly PO'd when I could not get in touch later on.
So if the genders were reveresed I would have felt the same way. My wife shutting off her phone would have caused our marriage a big problem AND I would not be ok with the next event because of it.
^^^^^^^
That right there is the " crux " of the matter.
Just say " Baby,im really sorry......."
No need for sabre rattling.
Yea, the shutting off the phone is wrong. A simple, "I will not talk to you until you stop slinging insults" or whatever would have worked. But I know the shetstorm that can come from an angry wife cause i used to do the same thing. H stopped replying too which would send me into a fury, but I don't blame him. I'd have stopped as well or said some horrible things (he never did).
I'll admit, putting the phone away and ignoring it for the rest of the night was a pretty stupid mistake on my part. I'll take full responsibility for that.
I did talk with my W yesterday morning (after I started this thread) about the situation, and did mention that I felt it was pretty rude of her to hang up without even giving me a chance to go somewhere else.
I'll add one more little bit of information that my wife is unaware of.
The bosses girlfriend brought one of her girlfriends to the party. She's pretty cute, and sure enough she caught the eye of one of the other guys from work. Me and this guy get along pretty good (I wouldn't say best buddies, but definitely friends). Anyways, he and this girl hit it off well enough that they decided to find a secluded spot after dark.
Well, this secluded spot just happened to be in MY tent trailer, and my daughters bunk, of all places. You know, the complete Disney Princess setup for blanket, pillow, night light, etc.
I thought I handled myself pretty well. I walked in, turned the light on, and told them they had 1 minute to get out. I was mad enough to want to grab him by the scruff of the neck and pull him out, but I figured that may have some serious consequences (job, friends). So I took a two hour walk up the gravel road to blow off some steam. In my bare feet. After the walk I found buddy and had a quick conversation about the lack of respect and got an apology.
Remember the phone being left in the trailer? This was the main reason why I didn't get the chance to call her back right away. I really should have called once I got sorted out with buddy, but it didn't happen. Lesson learned there.
yea lets jsut take the kids somewhere and use them as a pawn for you to submit. hmmmm. Immature ?
YES!
I hate talking on the phone much less needing to know others are also in my conversation.
She contradicted herself in calling you back numerous times to have an arguement with you while those other guys were present but hangs up on you because she doesnt want to be in a converstaion with you while those other guys are present?
wooh.
yes and have you seen your wife thise morning sense the incodent last night, for your anniversary?
I just don't know what to think about all this. One more thing - today is our 11th anniversary, and one of her messages stated that she was taking the girls somewhere today.
My wife always has emotional problems in the days leading up to and usually including our anniversary. I chalk it up to some kind of fear of commitment or intimacy or both, notwithstanding the fact that we've been married almost 12 years. Anyone who calls you 19 times to holler at you is an obsessive personality and not subject to the normal rules of rational exchange. It's best to be nice to your wife on her anniversary no matter how she behaves
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Just need to vent 
