TheMarriedMan

this is a drunk post.
i love my wife. i love what we could be but i hate what we are. every time i post something people basically tell me I'm out of control. maybe i am. my wife is clinically depressed. she is paranoid and she is angry about everything in my opinion. she ostracizes her self from my friends and my family. her family lives in Arkansas or in Illinois. we live in Oklahoma. It seems like nothing i do is correct. i gave up chatting with ex 1girlfriends and female friends but yet there is always another issue. she thinks my friends dont like her so everytime we are at a friend function she is by herself with her phone playing "phone games". when we are at these functions she text me saying things like she she would of rather be home. she thinks my friends are against her some how. like they dont like her or something.

we have been married one year and a couple weeks. to her we are aways having conflicts and everything is bad. i believe that some things are bad but not as bad as she thinks. i am faithful to her and she to me but im confused as to why everything is always my fault. i have basically ostracized myself from my friends. i chose my wife over everyone. EVERYONE! seems like thats not enough. maybe its the depression. things that seem petty to me are gigantic in her mind.

we are currently in marriage counseling and i feel like its a witch hunt. guess whos the witch? me. everything is my fault. according to her and our female counselor i have issues.... wife is waking up to see what im doing so buh bye....

KanDo

Wow. Short marriage for all this strife. Maybe you should hang it up. Also, if you feel the couselor is taking sides rather than being objective say so or get another counselor

Toffer

You also share some responsibilities for these problems since you were talking to an ex.

I think KanDo is right.

1- Find another counselor
2 - Think about going your seperate ways if counseling assigns all the balme to one partner or the other

Prodigal

I assume from the title of your post that you are the one who is drunk. Drinking doesn't fix matters, it only causes more problems. I've never known anyone to get drunk, then sober up and say, "Hey that was a great drunk! Everything is better now. That took the edge off my tension, I've gained perspective, and now I'm feeling great."

I don't know how much you drink or how frequently. Sometimes people rely on alcohol just to relax and lower their stress levels. But to get drunk? Nope. Only contributes to the already-existing problems.

Definitely get another counselor. I also am keeping in mind I'm only hearing your side of this issue. Your wife sounds very defensive and stand-offish around other people. Not a pleasant situation. But maybe you are relying a little too much on drinking to put a band-aid over your own feelings.

I dunno ... just guessing at that.

__________________
I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

thunderstruck

"She, she, she, she..."

Quit getting drunk. Stop talking to ex-gf's. Read the Nice Guy book, and start working on yourself to become the man you want to be. When you get your head on straight and grow your sack back, it might improve your marriage. Or, you may decide to move on.

__________________
Instant karma's gonna get you. -Lennon

southern wife

Don't you know that everything is always the man's fault?

__________________
~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.

sisters359

Dude, you are living in De Nile. You have minimalized what you did and then thrown everything else on your wife. And I suspect the counselor has called you on that--rather than the counselor saying "everything is your fault," said counselor is looking for you to understand that "most everything is at least partly your fault."

You expect your wife to feel better about herself when you were cheating and you have shown no understanding of how deeply damaging that is? You expect her to enjoy herself around YOUR friends, people who either don't know what you were up to or may have condoned it?

Get a grip. Face up to the fact that you may truly be "out of control" b/c you do not accept responsibility for what happens to you. You may say you accept responsibility, but that means squat if it is not followed up with behaviors designed to show your wife that you are truly remorseful for being a slimeball, talking to other women; behaviors designed to demonstrate your commitment to her and the marriage; and behaviors designed to show you are taking control of yourself.

You will feel better if you take these steps. It won't be easy at first, but you will know you are doing the right thing. You know when you are making excuses for yourself, and you will know when you have stopped making excuses and chosen to do the right thing. Good luck.