07-30-2012, 03:42 PM
Join Date: Jul 2012
| | Re: Is it over?
Got this email today - my wife and I have been having trouble for quite sometime now and we went to our first counseling session last week. I don't know what to do.
This is not easy to write. I am going to try to be more honest with you than I have ever been.
I have tried for the last 6 years to get you to love me. I have tried to be enough for you. I tried everything I could think of. Maybe I wasnt speaking your "love language". But I tried. I have had my heart broken repeatedly by you. This year, I gave up. I quit emotionally. I checked out. I decided I didnt want to do it anymore. All I kept doing for the past 6 years is get hopeful, only to get disappointed again. It has slowly beaten me down. My honest feelings right now are that this will only be short lived. I dont think it will stay. I do not honestly believe a year from now, things will still be happening like he talked about in his book. I read the whole book, did my quiz, and I was hoping to feel differently than I do. I want to want to try. But in reality, I dont want to. I have given up on us. I went to Columbus hoping to miss you, and I didnt. I wanted to be excited to see you again, and I wasnt. I was relieved when I got home and you werent here. I feel horrible for feeling this way, I do. But I am also tired for feeling guilty for feeling the way I do. I need to realize that it is okay for me to feel how I do.
I am not saying that I cant eventually get back to that place in our relationship. Part of me does want that. But I feel like you are trying too hard too soon. I am very overwhelmed, almost smothered. I cant go from 0 to 60 like this. I need time to figure out what I want. I have no idea what I want. I am not asking you to completely stop what you are doing, but I need some space. I do see you trying, dont think that I dont, I just dont know what to do with it.
I am sorry if any of this hurt you.