Losing

My wife of 8 years says she has really had it this time and actually filed divorce papers.

Long story short, for at least 6 or 7 of those years I have taken her for granted and even treated her badly. I never meant to but I would sometimes say things that would be hurtful and not even realize it. The worst of it though is that I have NEVER initiated sex and I ALWAYS walked away from problems. When she needed me, I wasn't there.

The issue of not being a man or having a backbone (like I have read many on here) has also been an issue. She has told me over and over again what the problems are and I continue to be pathetic, apathetic and destroy our relationship.

She's been berating me through text messages for the last hour, telling me how much she hates me and wants me dead...

I think she's really done this time. I've hurt and ignored the best thing that ever happened to me and I disregarded all of the vows I took at our wedding. I feel like an absolute piece of garbage.

loveandbeloved63

This might be the begining of your change. Recognizing your mistake is a start and you are there. Now take the next step by doing-action.
We humans are creatures of habit, you can break a habit, and creat a habit. Show and tell her you want to change.
And start it

notperfectanymore

And this will be my husbands post as soon as I grow some to stand up for myself...I'm sorry you are here...wish you had listened to her I'm sure....I have tried to communicate my issues with Hubs...he says "we are fine" and that is the end...I am also at my end...I hope you both can work it out...

Toffer

Losing,

Wheteher or not she comes back to you is a coin toss at this point

However, now that you've had your awakening, deal with these shortcomings so that you'll be an improved man down the road

Losing

I may have used up all my chances there though. This is not the first time she has been angry and hated me over these issues (well probably always there but not always outwardly showing).

We have been through this so many times and I have been told what the issues are. I keep saying I understand and that I will change and I never do.

I never did anything about it and she now absolutely HATES me and does not believe a word I say.

Toffer

NPA,

Why don't you give your husband this posting and delete your comments (copy and paste) and let him know how you feel in black and white?

Sorry for the thread jack

PBear

I would say that it's not looking good. Best bet, start taking a good long look at yourself, and figure out what you want to fix for yourself. Then start working at it. If nothing else, it will set you up for the next relationship.

C
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Losing

I have a lot to learn about being a man and a good husband. I found some books thru this site that i'll readand make changes in myself. I really wish I had sooner as my wife, best friend and the mother of my children may be gone for good.
Posted via Mobile Device

thunderstruck

Sorry to hear. Ask her if she'll go to MC and/or delay the divorce a bit. Go buy the No More Mr. Nice Guy book today. You trashed yourself in your 1st post, and I agree that you had your share in messing up the marriage. I wonder though, if your W has a little part in this as well? Berating you with texts for an hour wishing you were dead? Does she possibly have a few issues as well?

__________________
Instant karma's gonna get you. -Lennon

Complexity

Look at it from her perspective. If she came here and said all of this after she's given you so many chances...... not many of us would recommend remaining in the marriage.

Losing

No more mr nice guy is one of the books on my list!

As for the MC I tried that before. Actually had the appointment but she wouldn't go.

Losing

As for looking at it from her perspective and what would be recommended if she came on here... I see that all too well. I wouldn't recommend her to stay in this marriage. I can see it but I haven't done anything about it.

I've taken the easy way out every time.

Does she have any blame in it? Probably. But she isn't one of those women who expect you to know what the problem is, she told me several times. I never did anything about it. I never changed...at least not for long.

She has so much anger because she feels like I have wasted years of her life. I'd be angry too.

thunderstruck

Go see a lawyer ASAP to learn your custody rights. Most will do a free initial consultation. You may not want to D, but she may force it on you, so protect yourself.

__________________
Instant karma's gonna get you. -Lennon

Losing

I haven't learned how to be a better man or husband yet but one thing I know absolutely for sure... my wife is a completely fair and reasonable person. She would never do anything unfair as far as custody goes.

She is probably the most unselfish person you could ever know.

Thank you for that advice thunderstruck and you may be right that she may force divorce. I told her I wouldn't sign and she said she'd sign it for me. But I know her well enough to know she wouldn't keep my from my kids.

Complexity

I really don't think that's a good idea. He hasn't been a nice guy hence his marital problems. Reading No More Mr Nice Guy will only reinforce her perceptions of him.