Though I realize many women here don't do this (because they care enough about their marriage to be here) but there is an overwhelmingly prodominate dynamic that happens to alot of good men.
1) Have a wonderful courtship with loads of sex.
2) Get married to the love of your life.
3) Have kids and work your A$$ off to take care of your little family.
4) Because of the love and admiration for your wife you dote on her and do all the things SHE says make her happy.
5) The sex goes out the window.
6) About 7 - 10 years down the road you get the "I'm not happy" or the "ILYBNILWY" speech.
7) If you are really unlucky you find she had an affair.
You then question everything you thought you knew about women and marriage. My wife didn't have an affair but I did get the "I'm Not Happy" speech. She's a SAHM and I have provided all she could want so how can she feel this way?
You know what it takes to make your man happy? Just have meaningful sex with him on a regular basis. You what it takes to make a woman happy? Everything, something, nothing who knows. So us guys fall over backwards with effort and we get ILYBNILWY. Meanwhile so many women know that single little thing that means the world to us and they don't bother.
Well MMSL is a book that deals with female psychology and thinking that leads to the above scenario and how to avoid it. There are many psychologic factors and the idea of a sh!t test is just one of them.
Sometimes some people are too good, too reliable, consistent, dependable. Think on some of the most consistent, reliable and dependable things that you use.
Take oxygen. Probably the most consistent and reliable thing you use every single minute of every single day, 24x7. Do you treasure it? Do you count your blessings that it’s there “all the time?”. Do you even think about it, ever?
What about the sun that you know will come up in the morning, or the water you know for a fact that will come out of the tap when you turn it on. Or how about that light you switch on.
We never think about those things because they’re always there and we don’t have to do much to ensure we have a constant, consistent and reliable supply of them and because of that we take them for granted. But how long could we live in a world without oxygen or water, what would the world be like, how long would we last if the sun didn’t come up tomorrow morning.
Marriage is like that. The more consistent and reliable you are, the more you provide and the longer you provide for the more you are going to get taken for granted. Unfortunately a husband in your position can’t just “turn the supplies off”. Stop paying the mortgage or rent, you’re in trouble. And how about the services, what if you stop paying for those?
So in a way you are well and truly buggered. The better the husband you are, the more unappreciated and devalued you become.
In over 30 years of paying rent and mortgages I slipped just the once. I paid all the bills in my marriage even though my wife worked, I was a fool. Years later I just couldn’t get my wife to appreciate what I did for her. So to try and wake her up, I told her fictionally “I’m not able to pay the mortgage this month”. Know what she said? “How could you let that happen again”. When I pointed out the point I was making she did at least apologise.
Why not just plan to book yourself a three or four week holiday? Don’t tell your wife until a few days before departure. Get yourself a backpack or whatever and just take yourself off. She’ll have a long time to think about things and may actually fear losing you (all that you provide) because fear of loss is probably the only thing that’s going to wake her out of her slumber!