Originally Posted by kag123
This is kind of why I was asking here, rather than googling. I am interested in hearing men's personal opinions of what it is (not just the book definition).
I think I just read maybe 10 or so threads where a man was an author and they mentioned their wives performing these fitness tests.
I scratch my head and think, either there are a crap load of super immature women in the world (which I don't doubt is true), or anything a woman does is being over analyzed and seen as a fitness test?
If I am not allowed to ask my husband to put a dish in the dishwasher without it being called a fitness test - sheesh!
Just trying to understand, that's all.
Perfect example of a sh!t test my W threw me a month ago...
I'm outside on patio. She'd just walked in to work on dinner (her night to cook), while I remained to finish up on the computer. Several minutes later, I see her learing at me through the sliding door. I motioned to her "what"? She looked at me with a stern glare for a second, turned and walked back in the kitchen. I was baffled. I got up, went inside and asked what was up. She said "I'm hungry, I want to eat now". I said "well, okay, all you had to do was say so".
So, as I'm walking in with a confused "WTH was that all about" thought and grab our plates to go sit down, as we're walking she says "ha-ha, I got my way". Well, no she didn't. I turned right back around and carried my azz right back outside.
She hardly ever pulls stuff like this, so not a biggie. But I wasn't folding to it.
An example of a test: Wife says "what if I told you it would be okay for you to sleep with another woman?", when she has no intention of doing so and would never allow it. Just to see how her man will respond and where he is coming from. Does he say "hmmm, okay, let's explore this a little" (obviously not the answer she was looking for...chit test failed). Does he state calmly "Well, it's not ok for me. And if you think it is, we have a problem" (stating his morals that he'd not do it, and putting it back on her for even suggesting it. Test passed). Or he may dismiss as ridiculous and say something like "woohooo! Now I don't have to cancel my three dates tonight, thanks babe!!!", and then drop it. (Test passed, and she was "put in place" by him letting her know he felt her question was ridiculous and silly, and refused to even entertain it).
Other examples would be:
Throwing out unwarranted snarky comments to see how he responds. Does he kiss her azz, or put her in her place. I'd get that one a bit from my W early on in dating (and every once in a great while now). Passed them all. Because I didn't snap back in retaliation, yell, or give a rude response back. I didn't mope. Didn't call her a name (never have in fact). I would simply stop what I was doing and look at her with a raised brow. When she'd finally catch on that it was suddenly quiet and I'd stopped, she'd look at me and say "what?". I'd just say "we're not married (or I'm not your ex husband), and you won't talk to me like we are (I am). When you're ready to get out of marriage mode, let me know". If her response was anything other than "I'm sorry" or some variation thereof, I'd remove myself from the room until she acknowledged she'd messed up. If she accepted it right away, I'd just say something about "I don't take you for granted, I don't ever talk to you like that, and I expect the same from you...I won't have that type of relationship where we talk to each other like that", and then I'd drop it completely as soon as she understood, and we'd continue our evening. Passed on several levels (set the boundary, didn't retaliate, no anger. Just calm reasoning, a willingness to "walk away" from her for bad behavior, and a boundary that I'd not tolerate it).
Acting unreasonable and seeing how he responds. Does he let it go? React with overt and undue anger? Or does he calmly put and end to it?
Making hurtful comments. "My last boyfriend was huge and screwed me so good!". Does the target of the test cry or whine? Mope about? Throw things? Or does her instead calmly set a boundry that such comments will not be tolerated.
Flirting with others. She openly flirts when she knows he's not okay with it. How does he respond? Cry and whine about it, stomp off and mope about, or set a boundary with her? What does he do if she crosses that boundary she was just warned about?
They are basically all about "testing" your confidence, boundaries, and manhood. To see how you stack up. If you're genuine. If you're a guy she can respect.
Some of these (like snarky or hurtful comments) can be a conscious act, or subconscious. If it's a conscious act, she's waiting for the response. If it's subconscious, she may not even realize she did anything, but you can bet if her behavior is not checked, the behavior will likely escalate over the course of the relationship as it becomes more comfortable or people get complacent. And she'll start losing respect for a man who won't stand up for himself as a result. And it's a snowball effect. Once that respect is lost, the chit tests will come harder and faster until she knows you're not a man that will stand up for much of anything, let alone himself or her.