Dreams about women who are not my wife! - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-18-2007, 12:43 PM Thread Starter
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Dreams about women who are not my wife!

We've been together for over three years and I have never had any inkling toward cheating on her. I do not entertain this now, and I know that if I were faced with temptation, I would remain faithful to my wife with flying colors. Actual cheating is not an issue as far as I'm concerned.

The past couple weeks, however, I've been having strange dreams in which I am sexually involved with a different woman. In my dreams, it's never a woman that actually exists, it's always just a made up character. But in the dream, I am still married, but fooling around. The women in the dreams are never like a stereotypical "fantasy" girl. They're just normal women with whom the dream-me has a connection.

Any psychoanalysts wanna fill me in as to whether this means anything? Because I wake up feeling guilty and weird about it, and I honestly don't like it. But a person can't help what they dream, right?
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-18-2007, 01:12 PM
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Re: Dreams about women who are not my wife!

Most people control there dreams before they go to bed. The fact that you wake up feeling "guilty" shows you a small amount what you'd feel like if you did cheat.

Most would point out that while it means very little, it might be hinting to the fact that you feel like you don't have enough sex, not a wide variety or miss having the newness of the relationship.

You might want to communicate to your wife that you'd like to spice things up a bit. You don't have to tell he bout the dreams, just that you want to break the routine.

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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-18-2007, 08:48 PM
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Re: Dreams about women who are not my wife!

I think Draconis is pretty close here. I know a psychoanalyst that might say "dreams are our subconscious desires or wish fulfillment."

In your post you pretty staunchly deny your desire to cheat, which is probably the way you deal with this uncomfortable desire. When we cope like that, sometimes our desires will come out in our dreams.

It's ok though, it doesn't mean that you will ever cheat, it could just be that you have a little too much denial going on. The fact that you experience the guilt upon waking is a healthy reaction for your relationship. I think you're pretty safe.

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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-22-2007, 08:59 PM
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Re: Dreams about women who are not my wife!

Thanks for posting this actually lol!
I'm also married (5 years) and am happily married I wouldn't want to be with anyone else in the world!!
Except every once in a while at least once a month i have a vivid dream about my first boyfriend from high school and its usually a very fulfilling dream and I wake up really happy to have seen him--however later feel horrible because I'm with my husband :-o
It's really weird how the mind works....I'd actually like to know what that dream means--why I keep having dreams of my ex boyfriend! I even hear little updates about him from my mom and it turns out he didn't grow up very sucessful or isnt a "good boy" like he use to be w/me.
Maybe I ought to tell my mom to stop telling me about him and the dreams will go away haha!
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-22-2007, 10:36 PM
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Re: Dreams about women who are not my wife!

Many times if you are thinking of something before you goto bed you can dream about it. Then again maybe you just don't have closure. Chances are it is nothing.

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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-06-2008, 06:00 PM
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Re: Dreams about women who are not my wife!

When things like this have happened to me in the past, I have found it helpful to take some quiet time and sit and ponder the dream. Instead of tensing up and trying to deny the feelings, I just allow my head to go wherever it needs to and I ask why it's going there.

Usually I make some sort of discovery about where I'm at in life, where my relationship is, or something completely unrelated. It can often be an uncomfortable discovery, but your subconscious is trying to sort something out. I wouldn't worry about it, but instead just allow yourself to discover what it is.
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-08-2008, 12:22 AM
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Re: Don't worry about it

I agree with Good Husband. Taking time to reflect on your dreams is a good way to be more in touch with yourself.
I don't agree that because you dream of making love to other women means that you want to be unfaithful to your wife; not at all. Dreams about sex don't necessarily have to be about sex; it could be about an other intimacy, about trust, etc.
If you say that every sexual dream you have is about sex, then you must believe that the purple-spotted dragon you dreamed about last night or the flying monkeys you dreamed about last week are all about reality...or maybe they are symbolic, just the way a sex dream can be symbolic.
Stop beating yourself up!
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-13-2008, 07:27 AM
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Re: Dreams about women who are not my wife!

In all honesty I believe many married men and women have these types of dreams...I know I do. But, I have no desire to sleep with anyone else, I think they come just b/c I'm feeling horny. It's a good thing my husband is there to satisfy my dreams. I wouldn't worry too much about this, you sound pretty normal, just unload the guilt and wrap your arms around your wife.
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-14-2008, 02:37 PM
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Re: Dreams about women who are not my wife!

I would have to agree with you debrajean. There are some dreams that do bug me and I feel I need to really think about them and maybe find the meaning but in my case it is not any sex dreams that I may have. I just take them as having had a good nights sleep with a plus added to it.
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-11-2008, 02:28 AM
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Re: Dreams about women who are not my wife!

a lot of times i have dreams of cheating on my betrothed with either a different version of him or another guy. other times dreams with him. still i dont find myself at all wanting to cheat or being with anybody else, but in my dreams i'm able to act out whatever i want because i am aware i'm dreaming and it's safe there.
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-14-2008, 03:59 AM
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Re: Dreams about women who are not my wife!

I have these sorts of dreams every now and then... last week it was George Clooney, the time before that it was Antonio Banderas... I'm not lacking anything in my real life, nothing wrong with a vivid and fertile imagination.. you sound like a normal human being to me, stop beating yourself up about it
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-15-2008, 04:42 PM
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Re: Dreams about women who are not my wife!

I would talk to you wife. Tell her about these dreams, and tell her what you told us. That you know you would never cheat on her and everything you put in your original thread. I say this because maybe she can help you, and it could cause you to communicate a little more about little problems...which this dream seems to be.
I say this because I did the same thing, ecept it was with a REAL person.

When I was 15yrs old I met my 1st love. He was older than me...to old to date legally, but I still haven't forgot about him, and he'll always hold a dear place in my heart because he was considered a dear friend to me. A few weeks ago I had a dream about him...I asked a friend what to do and she suggested me talk to my husband. I'm glad I did...because he was understanding, he trusts me that I would never do anything. (Plus I couldn't anyway, this 1st love of mine was killed 5 years ago by a former friend of his from his "bad days". ) So, even though I can never "act" on this, nor would I because I have a wonderful husband, I still had the dreams. Talk to her. Prepare for some friction, but hopefully she will be understanding and you can figure out together why you are having these dreams...

"I'd rather have three minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special" from the movie 'Steel Magnolias'
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