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Old 09-18-2012, 11:00 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife talks to men on dating sites

i call troll.
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Old 09-18-2012, 12:31 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife talks to men on dating sites

Quote:
Originally Posted by willywonka747 View Post
Today, my wife joined a dating site because she likes the attention and the newness of the situation. She was open and honest about it and did not try to hide any of her conversations. She says she completely loves me and that I have nothing to worry about. My wife has NEVER cheated on me and would leave if she even thought there was a chance at it happening.

I do think men and women can have opposite sex friendships so long as there is trust and respect.

Thoughts?
My "thoughts" are that a dating site is for dating. People don't join dating sites in order to find a book club or argue politics or raise money for causes. They join them to meet people who they could have a connection with and date and sleep with it.

As far as opposite sex friends go--ok, you may believe that, but your wife is'nt looking for friends. Notice she didn't join a "friend" site. She joined a "dating" site.

Omg. Please find your dignity and self-respect. This is so sad.
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Old 09-18-2012, 01:58 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife talks to men on dating sites

Thanks for all the comments. Being my first time here it's not exactly the most easier things to hear.

I do have opinions on much of what you have said and want to really think things over before I re-post.

I am struggling with this situation and have been talking to my wife about things. For now it seems she just wants to have a little fun but does have lines in the sand. I have told her what I am willing to put up with because I am open minded. (and please do not think that I feel some here are not - because I don't).

I have read much on the internet and am trying to figure out were I fall as I am open to hearing different opinions. But make no mistake I have my limits and understand that at some point if these limits are challenged, I may have to make hard choices. For now, I am trying to see what comes next. Push comes to shove, I don't think my wife would let it go to far.

Some of the situation I am in is my fault. Several weeks ago, I listened in on a conversation my wife was having with her mom on the phone. For some reason I just had it in my head she was going to tell her she wanted to leave me. Well that was not the case, as it never is. Yes I have issues and am working with a therapist for get over these stupid feelings. Perhaps what she is doing is just sending me a message. Only time will tell.

Anyways, I am rambling....and for all that bash me for listening in on her phone call, I deserve it.
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Old 09-18-2012, 02:45 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife talks to men on dating sites

I listen to my wife's phone calls all the time. She listens to mine. Did you wife say this was an issue with her?
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Old 09-18-2012, 03:22 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Hey that's so much truth but I would also like to ask you what do you think your wife needs from the dating site? You are not married? Why would a woman committed to a relationship want the attention of another man? Confidence issues is no excuse not to fulfill your duty as a man get up in the morning believe in yourself coz if you don't no one will ever believe in you. Change your life now before it is too late and win her back.
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Old 09-18-2012, 03:23 PM   #36 (permalink)
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I listen to my wife's phone calls all the time. She listens to mine. Did you wife say this was an issue with her?
Yes because I did it without her knowledge and then tried to lie my way out of it. I was wrong and it made a mess.

We have been talking all day and I am starting to put some perspective to it all. I have also taken what some have said here into consideration.

You all do have me thinking.
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Old 09-18-2012, 03:27 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Hey that's so much truth but I would also like to ask you what do you think your wife needs from the dating site? You are not married? Why would a woman committed to a relationship want the attention of another man? Confidence issues is no excuse not to fulfill your duty as a man get up in the morning believe in yourself coz if you don't no one will ever believe in you. Change your life now before it is too late and win her back.
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Thing is.....I do have her. People need to understand I am an open minded person and I think I am trying to figure out my limits. Some spice is fun; I just need to better define what is acceptable to me.

Everything people have said here has helped so thanks for that.
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Old 09-18-2012, 03:37 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife talks to men on dating sites

Why do I think we're about to see yet another of the recent rash of "My Wife Is Going on a Date" posts.
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Old 09-18-2012, 03:40 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife talks to men on dating sites

Quote:
Originally Posted by willywonka747 View Post
Today, my wife joined a dating site because she likes the attention and the newness of the situation. She was open and honest about it and did not try to hide any of her conversations. She says she completely loves me and that I have nothing to worry about. My wife has NEVER cheated on me and would leave if she even thought there was a chance at it happening.

Thoughts?
You're a fool if you believe her. That's my thought.

I have a book for you to read. Well, several: First, No More Mr Nice Guy

then, Married Man Sex Life (no, it's not about sex)

then, Hold On To Your N.U.T.S.

You are going on the absolute wrong path. You don't ASK your wife if you're doing ok. You do NOT tell her it's ok for her to be on a dating site. You DO tell her that if she carries through with it, you will be filing for separation.
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Old 09-18-2012, 03:43 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Has it occurred to you that she detests that you're such a Nice Guy and she signed up for it thinking that, finally, you WOULD get upset and FIGHT for her?
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Old 09-18-2012, 05:43 PM   #41 (permalink)
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Has it occurred to you that she detests that you're such a Nice Guy and she signed up for it thinking that, finally, you WOULD get upset and FIGHT for her?
Yes and I have read up on The Nice Guy Syndrome and how increased confidence can help to modify this to a degree.

I have told my wife what my boundaries are which I am ok with. Should these boundaries come in to question, I will either adjust them based on what I am comfortable with or tell her to stop. If it comes to that I do have the strength to leave. I am not a total wimp here.
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Old 09-18-2012, 06:00 PM   #42 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife talks to men on dating sites

Willy,

You have lost perspective on your manhood brother. Your wife is openly disrespecting you and you are desperately trying to find a way to rationalize it as "Spice". Your wife is fishing for male attention because she doesn't think your attention is worthy. She needs to be validated by strange horny men on a dating website. Does that sound sexy to you? If it does then just admit you want to see other men bang her. Do you want to be a cuckhold? She is testing you and you are failing miserably. Wimpy guys sit around and talk about what they will do if..... Real men take action to resolve problems. Put your foot down immediately or turn in your man card.
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Old 09-18-2012, 07:16 PM   #43 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by willywonka747 View Post
My wife and I have been together for 16 years and have two boys. We have never officially gotten married but have decided to make it legal this coming October.

I have always suffered from low confidence and have been working very hard at getting stronger this past month. I have also started therapy to help.

Our sex life has suffered because of my esteem and confidence issues. I also worked from home for almost 3 years and this did not help the situation. I guess I let myself go in a way. About 3 weeks ago I started to take better care of myself, dress better and have returned to the office to give my wife the space she said she needed.
Things have gotten better and my wife she loves me very much. I asked he if I was a convenience to her and she flat out said no. However, my wife has a bit of an adventurous side, which I do like, but can cause stress. This could just be my low confidence controlling me. It's hard to break old habit's but I am trying.

Today, my wife joined a dating site because she likes the attention and the newness of the situation. She was open and honest about it and did not try to hide any of her conversations. She says she completely loves me and that I have nothing to worry about. My wife has NEVER cheated on me and would leave if she even thought there was a chance at it happening.
I know some may say I should leave her, but I completely trust her. I guess I am just worried and looking to see what others in this same situation think.

I do think men and women can have opposite sex friendships so long as there is trust and respect.

Thoughts?
The parts in Bold are your 'low confidence' controlling you.
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Old 09-18-2012, 07:50 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife talks to men on dating sites

Sometimes spouses are simply self-destructive - me included. Let me give you an example. I have a twisted fantasy of sharing my wife with other men and women, and in the past I have pressed this issue repeatedly.

However, this is a boundary that my wife will never cross and has been stubborn up till now in regards to it. She hates it whenever I bring it up and it's grounds for a fight. Now, since TAM I have read stories of folks who did indeed CROSS that boundary and all the problems that it causes. It also made me look deep within myself and ask myself if that is really what I want -> to lose the principled and strong woman that I fell in love with only to turn her into a s--t for my own sexual enjoyment.

If my wife did not stand her ground on this boundary, our marriage would have been f--ked. Boundaries are indeed important and being open-minded is one thing, but somethings you JUST DON'T DO as it will damage the marriage.

For some people open-marriages work, but they will be the first to tell you that if your marriage isn't strong enough, don't do it, as they know firsthand how swinging can destroy marriages. Now in your case, your marriage is far from strong enough and it's on a self-destructive course if you don't enforce this boundary.

My wife stood her ground and saved our marriage from crumbling. You should take up her example.
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Old 09-18-2012, 08:43 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife talks to men on dating sites

You know about the ILYBINILWY speech, right?

It goes hand in hand with the "I need space" speech.

You're being played.

Go get the damn books. Before she starts bringing the guys home to stay in bed with the two of you.
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