Oh man I wish I had seen this post earlier. OP's story sounds exactly like mine. Find previous posts made by me. Though my ex was never open and honest about what she was doing. She started just seeking validation from internet dating sites. When I caught on found out she had met up with 50 men in the 1 month span I gathered evidence.
OP if you are still reading this is just a prelude of things to come.
There are different types of people that post on these boards.
Some people post just to vent, or to share in the experiences of others.. not necessarily looking for advice but to feel like they're not alone in what they're going through.
Others are at a complete loss and want advice, or strategy, or the next steps, and many of them take the advice and use it to their advantage.
Then we've got posters like Willy here, all too common that post on these boards expecting to hear that they're doing fine, all is ok, nothing to worry about, great job. As soon as they hear something contrary to what they believe, or what they can handle, suddenly everyone else is wrong and ganging up on them because of their own problems.
There are different types of people that post on these boards.
Some people post just to vent, or to share in the experiences of others.. not necessarily looking for advice but to feel like they're not alone in what they're going through.
Others are at a complete loss and want advice, or strategy, or the next steps, and many of them take the advice and use it to their advantage.
Then we've got posters like Willy here, all too common that post on these boards expecting to hear that they're doing fine, all is ok, nothing to worry about, great job. As soon as they hear something contrary to what they believe, or what they can handle, suddenly everyone else is wrong and ganging up on them because of their own problems.
He might just be reading now. But the name of this thread is false. Maybe he knows we caught on to her not being his wife.
"Some of the situation I am in is my fault. Several weeks ago, I listened in on a conversation my wife was having with her mom on the phone. For some reason I just had it in my head she was going to tell her she wanted to leave me. Well that was not the case, as it never is. Yes I have issues and am working with a therapist for get over these stupid feelings. Perhaps what she is doing is just sending me a message. Only time will tell."
WOW - just spent sometime reading through this post. Wonker there are many points made by the guys that are right.
You have admitted that "you" have an issue which in credit you are getting help. This appears to be one that concerns your wife potentially leaving you? If this is the case why the heck is she clearly firing up the anxiety levels by joining a dating site? This to anyone with some sense is a massive warning of things to come. If there are trust issues then this is a stoker filling the boiler. Just because she says she on the site and its just looking IMO means that shes covering it as OK to be on there and yes SHE IS LOOKING it doesnt mean shes not going to do something about it. If this was my W then the roof would rise. This is a boundry that even the most open marridge would not cross. Its fueling a trust concern. You need as stated above to either set in place a key logger and see whats happening (and I bet it isnt a happy friends chat ) or at the very least stop this obserd belief that this is an ok thing todo. What next will be acceptable meeting someone because they are just friends....
Sorry my friend but reading the detail here is so uncomfortable. Your low confidence is not being helped by the adventurous wife comments. Its a time bomb waiting to go up and it will if your not careful be you that is in the line of fire (I sincerly hope not).
Take control of this now as you W's adventures will move to more unacceptable areas
Today, my wife joined a dating site because she likes the attention and the newness of the situation. She was open and honest about it and did not try to hide any of her conversations. She says she completely loves me and that I have nothing to worry about. My wife has NEVER cheated on me and would leave if she even thought there was a chance at it happening.
I know some may say I should leave her, but I completely trust her. I guess I am just worried and looking to see what others in this same situation think.
I do think men and women can have opposite sex friendships so long as there is trust and respect.
Thoughts?
Wow, 16 years together is not easy. willywonka747, congratulations.
Yes, I agree that men and women can have an opposite sex friendship.
And your wife lets you know she joins the dating forum, that mean she still loves you and don't want you to feel misunderstood. Do you agree that, women like to share her feeling than men? I guess your wife share her feeling more than you share your feeling with her...I will feel scary if one day my wife do not talk to me, I can sense she is not happy and moody on the day...then I will try to talk to her...in fact, women like to talk...
For me, not a problem if my wife talks to men on dating sites as long as she lets me know in advance.
I give my wife absolute freedom to the point I even push FREEDOM to her and then she whines about me not being protective enough... pffft
She has never needed to go on a dating site, she has never gave me reason to distrust her either. But come on, WTF really will be my response. This is a sign of complete disrespect and utter disregard of one's husband
For me, not a problem if my wife talks to men on dating sites as long as she lets me know in advance.
Sounds like a good trusting thing to say.........until it happens.
People go to DATING sites for finding and meeting someone to DATE. The casual talk will eventually lead to something more substantial like Flirting/EA/Meeting/Sex. There are all types of forums and chat rooms to meet people to share or talk about general experiences and a DATING site is not one of them for a person in a committed relationship to be involved with.
I give my wife absolute freedom to the point I even push FREEDOM to her and then she whines about me not being protective enough... pffft
She has never needed to go on a dating site, she has never gave me reason to distrust her either. But come on, WTF really will be my response. This is a sign of complete disrespect and utter disregard of one's husband
Hi, RandomDude, I understand why you are unhappy. You feel disrespected from your wife.
But, do you ever try to understand what a woman wants from a man? Care. Yes, they need our care. They do not like so much of freedom in fact, they want their husband to take care her, help her make decisions. For example, do you decide which restaurant for dinner or your wife? Tell you one secret, woman likes her husband to decide the place, not asking her opinion and let her make the decision (sort of freedom). If she does not like that restaurant, she will let you know, and then, you can show you listen to her and she will feel you are respecting her.
You must understand this, last time, her father did make the decision for her, so, after marrying, she expects the same thing from her husband too. Do not give her a lot of freedom and make most of the decisions for her. She will feel her husband cares and protecting her just like her father (your father in law) did.
Sorry, if I do not know the whole story and misinterpret your issue. But, as for I did, I always try to improve myself instead of change peoples mind to respect me. Maybe you can talk to her about your feeling too and ask her the reasons. You will surprise the reasons that she gives you just a small matter.
Sounds like a good trusting thing to say.........until it happens.
People go to DATING sites for finding and meeting someone to DATE. The casual talk will eventually lead to something more substantial like Flirting/EA/Meeting/Sex. There are all types of forums and chat rooms to meet people to share or talk about general experiences and a DATING site is not one of them for a person in a committed relationship to be involved with.
Thanks AlphaHalf. But I always believe this, if I have done my husband part, and my wife still goes to dating site, that means I didn't perform as a husband well.
Do you agree that, man always take it granted and assume we do everything for our wife, but in fact maybe not what our wife wants?
Of course, I cannot say every woman like that, but most of the women like to share and need our cares. Proper communicate is the best solution and don't keep quiet observation.
A woman goes to dating site to find extra cares and sharing her feeling, of course will lead to flirting /EA/Meeting/Sex ... as per you mentioned. But, at the first hand, if we can give her with our cares, there is not a reason for a woman visit dating site. (***Of course there might an extreme case)
Thanks AlphaHalf. But I always believe this, if I have done my husband part, and my wife still goes to dating site, that means I didn't perform as a husband well.
Do you agree that, man always take it granted and assume we do everything for our wife, but in fact maybe not what our wife wants?
Of course, I cannot say every woman like that, but most of the women like to share and need our cares. Proper communicate is the best solution and don't keep quiet observation.
A woman goes to dating site to find extra cares and sharing her feeling, of course will lead to flirting /EA/Meeting/Sex ... as per you mentioned. But, at the first hand, if we can give her with our cares, there is not a reason for a woman visit dating site. (***Of course there might an extreme case)
You’ll find it much better if you treat your wife not as a child but as an adult with total responsibility for her own values and beliefs and therefore her own behaviour and life.
For me, not a problem if my wife talks to men on dating sites as long as she lets me know in advance.
Remember you said its not a problem.
Quote:
But, at the first hand, if we can give her with our cares, there is not a reason for a woman visit dating site. (***Of course there might an extreme case)
But the very act of visiting a Dating site (or any action harmful to the relationship) is a problem regardless if you know in advance.
From what I learned in life I don't take a lot of things for granted especially when dealing with women.
I do believe communication is key in every relationship. But there is no 100% effective way to prevent someone from infidelity. You can be the "Perfect Husband/Wife" and your spouse can still cheat for whatever reason they see fit. Check out some of the other posts in this forum and you'll see what I'm talking about.
All you can do is effectively communicate, love each other, find out what is best for the relationship and try to fulfill each others needs. Both partners must commit 100% into the relationship to make it work. But if your to married to a selfish, narcissistic, (Fill in the blank) person then It wont matter how good of a provider you are.
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Re: My wife talks to men on dating sites 
