fact is you are insecure in your personality and all you got is your looks.
This is a bit of a rash judgement I would say. Yes, I have had self-esteem issues — as I already stated before — and I am aware that I am not the most confident person. But these days I'm pretty darn confident compared to what I used to be: I'm confident about my looks, about my personality and about my style. Which is why I'm not afraid of letting it show.
I have no reason to prove to you that looks is not all I have. You haven't even seen me, so your view of me is not really based on facts anyway. I have diplomas, references, friends and family who could prove you otherwise, but for me that's not relevant for this discussion.
But I do agree that I shouldn't dress too revealingly because I am married and that should in some way mean that my assets are for my husbands eye's only. The line between toning it down and ending up feeling like my husband controls my wardrobe is not however perfectly clear to me.
Also one thing to note: I am not complaining about the attention. For 85% of the time I don't even notice it. I don't dress for men to look at, I don't even notice if they do. My husband notices. And minds. I don't dress like I'm a product on the meet market, I dress like any young lady in my town dresses like, and much more modest than many of them. I'm 24 and my H is 28.
I don't think I'm a goddess, I'm not Playboy hot, but I'm fit and cute looking. I said I'm hot just because that is the short way to explain: I wear short skirts, but I have the legs to pull it off. And I guess these days, after years of abusing my body, I'm finally friends with it. It's not perfect nor will it ever be, and doesn't have to. But I like it. So to me I look hot.
Anyway as I said before I will be putting the short skirts on hold for now and wear other kinds of clothes that still express my personality.
Thank you all for your comments, they gave me a lot to think about.
Btw, I have read His Needs Her Needs, but somehow it didn't strike a chord with me. Best book for relationship problems that I've found is The High Conflict Couple. Have also read a ton of others and found some useful. Husband is not a reader but some of the info has trickled down to him. I'm also currently in IC for my own problems with talking about feelings and my boundarilessness, which date back to my FOO. Wish my H would agree to CC but that's a no go.
So we're working on it. Not always so effectively, but we are.