Husband insecure about the way I dress - Talk About Marriage
The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

User Tag List

 41Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 53 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 02:41 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
tiredandout's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 135
Husband insecure about the way I dress

As a background, we have been married for 3 years and this is the first time this is an issue.

H told me a few days ago that he finds the way I dress uncomfortable. In my opinion I am by no means dressing in any ****ty way. I generally wear skirts or dresses that are 2-4 inches above the knee, with tights and some knitted shirt or sweater, a couple of them have a v-neck but mostly high cut. I have always dressed like this. But in the past 6-12 months I have started to wear more brighter colours and in some ways more .. flashy clothes. I don't wear make up. My husband finds issue with my appearance being too "sexy" and "attention seeking" — primarily because he noticed that men look at me on the street when I'm wearing a shorter skirt.

Fact is, I'm hot. I don't dress for other men's attention, I dress because I like clothes and dressing nicely. We have now talked a lot and very deeply about this. My husband doesn't care about dressing nicely and thinks a bit less of people who do, that it is superficial and a negative trait in a person. He also thinks I shouldn't be inviting outside attention to our marriage, which is what he sees me dressing in clothes that he finds to be too revealing. I have had self-esteem and body-image issues before. I am finally well set in my body and like the way I look. I like pretty clothes, don't spend too much money on them, just like to wear things that give me a confidence boost and colours that keep me in happy spirits.

I am having deeper feelings of uncomfortableness with the issue that my husband looks down upon people who pay attention to their looks. I started to feel pressured to not only dress less sexy but also dress less like me. He dresses just naturally, sometimes sloppily, but I have never said that I felt embarassed to go to the theater or a concert with him eventhough he just wears baggy clothes and doesn't even own a suit.

My point: I feel judged because of the way I like to dress.
So: Ignore husband and dress how I like? Accommodate husband and dress in some ways less flashy/revealing? Forget about clothes and paying so much attention to what I look like, and go find satisfaction and get into new hobbies? What?

Men, both confident and terribly insecure or anything in between, what is your opinion?
tiredandout is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 53 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 02:44 PM
Member
 
Hope1964's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 9,044
Re: Husband insecure about the way I dress

I am wondering if there isn't more going on than just the way you dress.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Hope1964 is offline  
post #3 of 53 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 02:49 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 638
Re: Husband insecure about the way I dress

This is interesting because, I keep trying to get my wife to stop wearing shirts where the neckline is all the way to her neck.
dormant is offline  
post #4 of 53 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 02:54 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,869
Re: Husband insecure about the way I dress

I LOVE when my wife dresses how you describe. She's SMOKING. I call her my naughty librarian when she's wearing more of a blouse and her glasses.

The issue isn't what do you do in regards to listen to hubby or not, it's why the change in him. Coming from a husband who had a bought of insecurity because of a slow change in my marriage (very minor for what we usually read on this board but still LOL). I can tell you that a change in insecurity is usually linked to something else. He may not feel very connected with you (that was my issue). There could be something on his end where he is transferring. But you need to talk to him. Don't treat the symptom, treat the problem.

The more posts I read.
The more I love my wife!
Dad&Hubby is offline  
post #5 of 53 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 02:56 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Kansas City Metro Area, Missouri
Posts: 26
Re: Husband insecure about the way I dress

My wife is hot and she knows it. She dresses similar to the way you do. It does not bother me that it attracts attention from other guys and even the ladies. It makes her feel good, makes her feel confident...is there anything wrong with it - not one bit.

If she choose to dress move conservative, I would support her in that as well. I can't deny that I would be like dormant and encourage her to "show some more skin"!!

What makes her happy makes me happy!
hubbyfetish is offline  
post #6 of 53 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 03:02 PM
Member
 
thunderstruck's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,319
Re: Husband insecure about the way I dress

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope1964 View Post
I am wondering if there isn't more going on than just the way you dress.
Yeah, that. My W has always worn clothes that will make guys look. It didn't bother me until the marriage started going to shyte.
thunderstruck is offline  
post #7 of 53 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 03:05 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,409
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope1964 View Post
I am wondering if there isn't more going on than just the way you dress.
I would say this....but not nessasarily anything directly wrong.

Posted via Mobile Device
wiigirl is offline  
post #8 of 53 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 03:17 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 428
Re: Husband insecure about the way I dress

How does he dress? Is he making the most of his appearance?
How long has this attitude to your dress style being going on? Have you started to dress in more attention attractive clothes more recently, if so he may be feeling very insecure or he may be noticing other women dressing like you and he gives them substansive looks and is worreid other guys will ogle as maybe he does.

From a male point (me only) I like my wife to dress to impress but yep I draw the line when the cleavage is is prominent or the clothes she wears are revealing. there again she does not and has not worn skirts / dresses ever which were more than 2 inches above the knee but she has had a top which I did once say Nope not that low....

Talk to him about it. If feel he more insecure than a believer that dressing up is for people who love themselvea to much
Pault is offline  
post #9 of 53 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 03:25 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
tiredandout's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 135
Re: Husband insecure about the way I dress

Quote:
I am wondering if there isn't more going on than just the way you dress.
Yes.

There is. And we are both aware of it at this point too. We have had problems, he has felt ignored and that I have been emotionally distant. I have. I guess because I started to feel too pressured and stressed with the demands of my H and my career, and disappointed with the fact that my husband kept refusing to take responsibility for our communication problems. I am too scared to talk about my feelings assertively, he talks about his too aggressively and attackingly for me. A lot of blaming, a lot of invalidation has taken place.

In essence, a whole bundle of mess.

What I take from this thread is that it's true, I should just concentrate on the deeper issues at hand and forget about mulling over the clothing issue. For a while I should probably keep the "sexiness" toned down, just to show DH that I have heard his feelings — but besides that still dress how I like, to show him that I will not change my whole style for him. But try not to concentrate on it. Keep dealing with the bigger picture, how our feelings have gotten hurt and educating each other about how we would like things to be. And see if we can make that happen.

I wish my husband thought like this:
Quote:
My wife is hot and she knows it. She dresses similar to the way you do. It does not bother me that it attracts attention from other guys and even the ladies. It makes her feel good, makes her feel confident...is there anything wrong with it - not one bit.
But for now I think I'll have to shelf that wish and just try to fix the bigger mess here.

I guess I just got caught up with it because it is in some way pretty important to me, as dressing nicely makes me feel nice. But I should also be able to live without wearing my "sexy" skirts for a short period of time, if that helps to bring the focus back to fixing the underlying, fundamental issues in our relationship.

This was a necessary post to make and I thank you for the responses. It helps me to see this as a smaller part, a byproduct of the bigger problem, rather than another big issue to tackle and deal with. Shifting my focus off from my hemline to how to fix what is really bothering him (and me) will be more constructive. Thank you!
tiredandout is offline  
post #10 of 53 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 03:31 PM
Member
 
40isthenew20's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 663
Re: Husband insecure about the way I dress

I tell my wife all time time to wear more revealing clothing and enjoy what she has. I have no issue with it at all but have not had to experience it much because she dresses very conservative.

A man should be proud if his wife has the confidence to wear sexy outfits.
40isthenew20 is offline  
post #11 of 53 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 03:34 PM
Member
 
Hope1964's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 9,044
Re: Husband insecure about the way I dress

Quote:
Originally Posted by tiredandout View Post
Yes.

There is. And we are both aware of it at this point too. We have had problems, he has felt ignored and that I have been emotionally distant. I have. I guess because I started to feel too pressured and stressed with the demands of my H and my career, and disappointed with the fact that my husband kept refusing to take responsibility for our communication problems. I am too scared to talk about my feelings assertively, he talks about his too aggressively and attackingly for me. A lot of blaming, a lot of invalidation has taken place.

In essence, a whole bundle of mess.

What I take from this thread is that it's true, I should just concentrate on the deeper issues at hand and forget about mulling over the clothing issue. For a while I should probably keep the "sexiness" toned down, just to show DH that I have heard his feelings — but besides that still dress how I like, to show him that I will not change my whole style for him. But try not to concentrate on it. Keep dealing with the bigger picture, how our feelings have gotten hurt and educating each other about how we would like things to be. And see if we can make that happen.

I wish my husband thought like this:

But for now I think I'll have to shelf that wish and just try to fix the bigger mess here.

I guess I just got caught up with it because it is in some way pretty important to me, as dressing nicely makes me feel nice. But I should also be able to live without wearing my "sexy" skirts for a short period of time, if that helps to bring the focus back to fixing the underlying, fundamental issues in our relationship.

This was a necessary post to make and I thank you for the responses. It helps me to see this as a smaller part, a byproduct of the bigger problem, rather than another big issue to tackle and deal with. Shifting my focus off from my hemline to how to fix what is really bothering him (and me) will be more constructive. Thank you!
What an awesome post. If you want some relationship building book recommendations, have a look at the link in my sig to My Story and scroll down to the end of the post, there are a couple there. I also just bought His Needs Her Needs and the workbook to go with it - it's been recommended on here a lot but I don't know if it's any good yet.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Hope1964 is offline  
post #12 of 53 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 03:40 PM
Member
 
Toffer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: East Coast
Posts: 2,737
Re: Husband insecure about the way I dress

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope1964 View Post
What an awesome post. If you want some relationship building book recommendations, have a look at the link in my sig to My Story and scroll down to the end of the post, there are a couple there. I also just bought His Needs Her Needs and the workbook to go with it - it's been recommended on here a lot but I don't know if it's any good yet.
Toffer is offline  
post #13 of 53 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 04:03 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,450
Re: Husband insecure about the way I dress

Quote:
Originally Posted by tiredandout View Post
Fact is, I'm hot.
And modest to boot!

jaquen is offline  
post #14 of 53 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 06:07 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 56
Re: Husband insecure about the way I dress

Quote:
Originally Posted by tiredandout View Post
...I generally wear skirts or dresses that are 2-4 inches above the knee...

Fact is, I'm hot.
Not sure why but I'm looking for an age. You're gonna struggle to pull off the look if you're 60+
earlyforties is offline  
post #15 of 53 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 06:11 PM
Member
 
chillymorn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 4,696
Re: Husband insecure about the way I dress

fact is you are insecure in your personality and all you got is your looks.

dressing like that is for attrcating the oppisite sex. and if your married then you should tone it down some for the man you love.

I always find it amussing when some women is dressed provatively and then get pi$$y when she gets unwanted attention. news flash don't advertise if your not in the market.
chillymorn is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Husband is getting insecure,plz help DivaRandal General Relationship Discussion 7 01-09-2012 12:13 PM
Insecure Husband - Please Help! troubledbeyondhope General Relationship Discussion 8 07-05-2010 11:45 AM
Am I insecure or jealous of my husband? klohr82 General Relationship Discussion 3 12-17-2009 10:29 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome