I am wondering if there isn't more going on than just the way you dress.
There is. And we are both aware of it at this point too. We have had problems, he has felt ignored and that I have been emotionally distant. I have. I guess because I started to feel too pressured and stressed with the demands of my H and my career, and disappointed with the fact that my husband kept refusing to take responsibility for our communication problems. I am too scared to talk about my feelings assertively, he talks about his too aggressively and attackingly for me. A lot of blaming, a lot of invalidation has taken place.
In essence, a whole bundle of mess.
What I take from this thread is that it's true, I should just concentrate on the deeper issues at hand and forget about mulling over the clothing issue. For a while I should probably keep the "sexiness" toned down, just to show DH that I have heard his feelings — but besides that still dress how I like, to show him that I will not change my whole style for him. But try not to concentrate on it. Keep dealing with the bigger picture, how our feelings have gotten hurt and educating each other about how we would like things to be. And see if we can make that happen.
I wish my husband thought like this:
My wife is hot and she knows it. She dresses similar to the way you do. It does not bother me that it attracts attention from other guys and even the ladies. It makes her feel good, makes her feel confident...is there anything wrong with it - not one bit.
But for now I think I'll have to shelf that wish and just try to fix the bigger mess here.
I guess I just got caught up with it because it is in some way pretty important to me, as dressing nicely makes me feel nice. But I should also be able to live without wearing my "sexy" skirts for a short period of time, if that helps to bring the focus back to fixing the underlying, fundamental issues in our relationship.
This was a necessary post to make and I thank you for the responses. It helps me to see this as a smaller part, a byproduct of the bigger problem, rather than another big issue to tackle and deal with. Shifting my focus off from my hemline to how to fix what is really bothering him (and me) will be more constructive. Thank you!