How long after separation before dating?
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - Online Counseling - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships »The Men's Clubhouse » How long after separation before dating?

The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

Like Tree3Likes
  • 1 Post By unbelievable
  • 1 Post By unbelievable
  • 1 Post By Robrobb

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 10-21-2012, 05:50 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 84
Default How long after separation before dating?

So we agreed to divorce (I'm more on board after I found out about her EA/PA) and I'm wondering, whats appropriate before you start dating again?

In her case, she was kissing another guy she had an emotional connection with the day after she told me we should divorce.

I'm 39 years old, have a decent job and not many friends. At least not many friends I call on a weekly basis. My marriage lasted about 6.5 years.

It's been my experience that the couple of times after a break-up I've dated immediately, it's resulted in a short term relationship - yeah, it's the "fog". However with my first ex-wife (that's another story, but it was short term and we should never have been married), I had met my current wife and started dating her about a month after the ex moved back to her/our home state.

I thought about volunteering some where, but my only free time is weekends and Mondays - and I usually spend most/part of the weekend with my son. Mondays are the morning to myself (errands and house chores) and then afternoon with son to save money for him being at after daycare.
gdtm0111 is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-21-2012, 02:22 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Benevolence's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 67
Default Re: How long after separation before dating?

Try to stick to platonic female friends. Join an embroidery club or what ever chicks are into now days lmao
Benevolence is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2012, 02:57 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,412
Default Re: How long after separation before dating?

It's different for everyone. You should get to a place where you are happy with yourself, and the general direction of this new life.... and then you'd be ready, IMO.

I met someone 10 mos. after being separated. Divorce didn't actually happen for about 3 years....nobody pursued it, etc... Some people don't understand dating while separated, some people get it.

For me, there is no "separated".... either you are married or you aren't, and "separated" is the time period of waiting for divorce paperwork.

Look into single parent activities. There used to be "Parents Without Partners"...not sure if there is anymore. There is also meetup.com which is separated by activities... dancing, bowling, hiking, dinners, dog walking, everything. They are nationwide and might be near you. They are also group activities, some people there are looking for love, some are just looking for companionship...but you just sign up for things you enjoy doing anyway!
SunnyT is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2012, 03:12 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 8,062
Default Re: How long after separation before dating?

How soon after surviving a hanging should one try out a new noose?
unbelievable is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2012, 03:44 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 64
Default Re: How long after separation before dating?

Just an FYI. I am legally separated. In March the papers will be filed, and probably April or May be divorced. In my state, I am legally married until that time. The property division is a done deal. However, she can get me, as I can get her for adultry. In my case I would shave two months off the divorce time, and is not worth it. Every state is different so don't get burned on some fluke in the law.

Past that, the Meetup.com seems to be pretty cool. I joined last night. I lost alot of the friends...even though she cheated and then after reconciling decided to divorce anyway. So I can relate to the few friends comment.

c2500
c2500 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2012, 03:54 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 8,062
Default Re: How long after separation before dating?

Go to the pound and adopt a dog. Unlimited companionship, great exercise, they're always glad to see you, they never talk bad about your mama, never run up your credit cards, they won't run off with your best friend, they don't care if you gain a couple pounds or if you don't get that promotion. If it doesn't work out, they won't take half your stuff, or call the law on you, or post ugly things about you on Facebook.
unbelievable is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2012, 08:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 64
Default Re: How long after separation before dating?

Unbelieveable,

I was lucky, she does not use FB...lol

c2500
c2500 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2012, 08:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California
Posts: 85
Default Re: How long after separation before dating?

I use meet up.com as well, its a good site to meet more people with similar interests.

As for the OP's question, I dated during separation, but made it clear I wasn't divorced yet, and likely rebounding, to give the women the proper expectations of what their long-term prospects with me were.
frootloop is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2012, 11:04 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 102
Default Re: How long after separation before dating?

I'd say date whenever you feel ready. I'm out of the house four months, and began to see someone a couple of weeks ago. In this case we're both recently out of bad relationships, and expect to keep it platonic, but it's a good start. It beats the snot out of sitting at home every night, and it's good for both of us. We wind up discussing problems with our exes at times, and it highlights how neither of us is in a position to get into a proper romantic relationship now. I see it as an important step.

Point is, go ahead if you want. You'll find out quickly if you were really ready or not anyway.
Robrobb is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Dating during separation? BigdadG Considering Divorce or Separation 17 06-30-2012 09:18 AM
Dating during separation? FML2011 Going Through Divorce or Separation 8 02-17-2012 12:13 PM
Dumpee dating after separation ? frenchmanfl The Men's Clubhouse 12 05-11-2011 08:38 AM
opinion on dating during a separation mama Going Through Divorce or Separation 2 03-05-2011 11:58 PM
Advice on dating during separation Claire Going Through Divorce or Separation 8 10-29-2010 08:38 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads





Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:16 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage