First time posting here, although I have been a creepy "lurker" for some time now. I have gained a lot of insight into my own 21 year marriage on this site and this forum has helped me a great deal in other areas of our marriage.
My situation is a little unique. I have gone to other message boards and forums more closely related to the subject title, but frankly I found them to be a bit whiny and self loathing and I just enjoy the overall (usually
) positive attitude on these forums.
My wife is quite ill and has been most of her life. I knew this going into marriage and was 100% committed to supporting her. She was not nearly as sick when we got married (we were both 20 years old at the time, 21 years ago) and lately she has gotten pretty bad. She has a blood disorder that causes her to be incredibly anemic, which causes MANY other health issues along the way (she had 2 strokes in her 20's, painful internal bleeding, and frequent bloody noses daily). We have had to make many adjustments in our life and our friends/work colleagues understand her condition and we have a lot of support. There are days when she cannot perform the simplest tasks, even walking up a flight of stairs can be cause her to be very short of breath and immediately tired. She refuses to stop working, but has luckily found a low stress/non physical job on Mondays, Wed, and Fridays so she can rest in between work days.
I do most of the household chores. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of the animals, etc. She likes to do laundry, although a lot of the time I have to carry it to and from the bathroom for her (we had to move the washer & dryer from the basement to the first floor bathroom as she couldn't do stairs with a basket full of clothes). I am completely fine with doing these things and hold no resentment towards her. I have told her I have some anger & resentment towards the situation, but certainly not towards her.
What I am wondering, is how do I continue to be a decent caregiver, but not go overboard and lose "myself" in the situation. While my wife has a lot of guilt around her condition and feels badly, I sometimes I enable her to be a little lazy. That may sound cruel and harsh and I sometimes feel guilty for feeling that way, but I find myself doing everything around the house, even when she isn't feeling that badly. When she is feeling really badly, I wait on her constantly and make sure she is comfortable, but I find myself continuing the pattern even after she has had treatments and transfusions and is feeling "ok" (she never feels great anymore). I find I give up a lot of personal activities for me as I don't want her to be alone and possibly need me (like I said, even when she is doing alright). She is in no way demanding of me, I take this all on myself.
This may be a little too complicated to solve in a forum full of strangers that don't know me or my wife. I think I needed to just vent a little to people that are 100% unbiased and removed from our situation.
Now that I have an account set up, you will probably start to see some other questions and concerns that I am working on, but we'll stick to this for now.
Thank you everyone for taking the time to read this and I look forward to hearing what you all have to say.