How does someone "woman up"?
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

Like Tree17Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 12-10-2012, 04:37 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 797
Smile How does someone "woman up"?

Having read such a lot about the guys "manning up", "becoming the Alpha" and whatnot, I am interested to hear what the guys (and laydeez) here think about the female equivalent.

I have read various bits here and briefly referenced on MMSL - which said females basically need to do the same - and show interest in other guys (paraphrased but you get the gist!)

I have been on a journey of self-improvement for quite a while now. I have taken a long hard look at myself and working on various areas of my life. Some changes were relatively simple (took up gym and other sports) but others, such as working on ingrained habits, are a work-in-progress. Things such as not replying, "I'm okay" when asked if everything is all right, and saying what is on my mind. I've always been introverted and very shy and quiet so opening up is difficult. It is something I have become better at - faking confidence I have practiced by chatting to other parents at school about the kids, opening up conversations by commenting on cute things about the kids, that sort of thing. Chatting to the shop assistant when picking up groceries.

I have also worked on becoming less "nice." I have stopped overextending myself and started saying "no" when I am taking on too much. I have stopped feeling I have to apologise for other people or offer explanations if I don't want something.

Hubz describes me as "nice", a nice girl. I think this is a compliment, and to the most part I think I will always be like that in the way that he means it well and that he is describing positive qualities.

I would be very interested to hear what people think about "womaning up" What kinds of things would people be offering as advice to a woman looking to woman up? I'm thinking the whole spectrum a la the advice offered to guys here so throw in anything you think personally or generally.
tobio is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 12-10-2012, 05:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Dollystanford's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,054
Default Re: How does someone "woman up"?

Hummm, difficult one - the last thing I want is to become some A1 b*tch because I'm just not (no really)

For me with my ex it was about not hiding my intelligence and pretending I didn't have anything to say when he was talking out of his ass about something. I will talk to pretty much anyone about anything so being introverted isn't an issue, but it's key not to lay yourself out there. I used to meet people and really open up - big mistake, be careful about who you share with

And you can be assertive without hurting people's feelings as long as you communicate why you've taken a particular stance on something. Don't be afraid to say 'no'

Lastly, wear high heels
__________________
Learn how to talk proper, know what I mean?

Quote:
Originally Posted by WorkingOnMe View Post
Dolly is all of the women actually.
Dollystanford is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2012, 05:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 4,725
Default Re: How does someone "woman up"?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tobio View Post
I have read various bits here and briefly referenced on MMSL - which said females basically need to do the same - and show interest in other guys (paraphrased but you get the gist!)
That's shet testing behaviour!


No way!

The intent is not to show interest in other women. That just creates jealousy and is to be avoided.

Now gaining the interest of other women because the guy has made himself attractive is a totally different matter. The guy is making himself more attractive for his own self-esteem and self-respect. The knock on to that may be that re regains his wife’s attraction and desire for him and for sure, other women may too be attracted to him.


Tobio, if that’s the way you are thinking, then if even at the subconscious level you are showing interest in other guys it sure as heck explains why your H responded like he did in the pub. Of course you will see his anger. He responded out of jealousy, the thought of losing you because of the way you were behaving. You should know that you have got it so very wrong.
AFEH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2012, 05:21 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 797
Default Re: How does someone "woman up"?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AFEH View Post
That's shet testing behaviour!


No way!

The intent is not to show interest in other women. That just creates jealousy and is to be avoided.

Now gaining the interest of other women because the guy has made himself attractive is a totally different matter. The guy is making himself more attractive for his own self-esteem and self-respect. The knock on to that may be that re regains his wife’s attraction and desire for him and for sure, other women may too be attracted to him.


Tobio, if that’s the way you are thinking, then if even at the subconscious level you are showing interest in other guys it sure as heck explains why your H responded like he did in the pub. Of course you will see his anger. He responded out of jealousy, the thought of losing you because of the way you were behaving. You should know that you have got it so very wrong.
No Bob - I was saying that that is what Athol said in his blog. Not that that is what I do! If you knew me IRL you would see that, but obviously you don't so you'll just have to take my word for it! Hubz knows how shy I am and he knows I am not like that.
tobio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2012, 05:51 AM   #5 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 4,725
Default Re: How does someone "woman up"?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tobio View Post
No Bob - I was saying that that is what Athol said in his blog. Not that that is what I do! If you knew me IRL you would see that, but obviously you don't so you'll just have to take my word for it! Hubz knows how shy I am and he knows I am not like that.
Can you copy and paste what you read about it. It's not that I doubt your word, I would like to see what Athol says about it.

thanks
AFEH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2012, 05:55 AM   #6 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 4,725
Default Re: How does someone "woman up"?

Tobio you are looking for solutions, but what are the problems you want to solve?
AFEH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2012, 05:57 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Caribbean Man's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Caribbean Region
Posts: 10,320
Default Re: How does someone "woman up"?

Tobio,
" Woman Up " is the exact , same principle as the Alpha concept.
My suggestion to you is to go and read the
" Becoming the Alpha Thread " again.
If possible, read ONLY the posts by the two moderators and you will get the concept.
As I have said throughout the thread,
It is a gender neutral concept.

Firstly, you must understand what about yourself you need to change, and why.

Secondly, know that its not about your husband or how he treats you, but its about making yourself the best you.

Finally, my personal mantra is ,
Never accept disrespect.
__________________
FITNESS ~ Our Lifestyle.
Something For The Ladies.
“....And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music....”
Friedrich Nietzsche
Caribbean Man is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2012, 07:29 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 797
Default Re: How does someone "woman up"?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AFEH View Post
Can you copy and paste what you read about it. It's not that I doubt your word, I would like to see what Athol says about it.

thanks
Bob

Here and scroll down to the bottom. Puts it in a little more context from what I was saying.

Will post a bit later about what the problems are.

And also thanks CM, I will go and read it again later.

Last edited by tobio; 12-10-2012 at 07:45 AM.
tobio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2012, 09:59 AM   #9 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 4,725
Default Re: How does someone "woman up"?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tobio View Post
Bob

Here and scroll down to the bottom. Puts it in a little more context from what I was saying.

Will post a bit later about what the problems are.

And also thanks CM, I will go and read it again later.
The only reference I found from Athol on your link is this one ….

Athol Kay says:
October 28, 2012 at 8:41 pm
@Wendy another dude hitting on your girl and her looking like she is enjoying the interaction fills men with utter stomach churning dread. I keep saying “mild disloyalty” because the male reaction is so powerful.


Which appears to me to be the “exact opposite” of your interpretation (make your partner jealous) or the 3rd party interpretation which you are referencing.

Maybe if you’d have started your post off in a positive and optimistic way instead of a negative and criticising way you’d have a really different attitude to it all.
AFEH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2012, 10:16 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 797
Default Re: How does someone "woman up"?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AFEH View Post
The only reference I found from Athol on your link is this one ….

Athol Kay says:
October 28, 2012 at 8:41 pm
@Wendy another dude hitting on your girl and her looking like she is enjoying the interaction fills men with utter stomach churning dread. I keep saying “mild disloyalty” because the male reaction is so powerful.


Which appears to me to be the “exact opposite” of your interpretation (make your partner jealous) or the 3rd party interpretation which you are referencing.

Maybe if you’d have started your post off in a positive and optimistic way instead of a negative and criticising way you’d have a really different attitude to it all.
This was the part I meant... At the bottom of his blog post.

Not for nothing, but the men that find MMSL on their own are always highly motivated to make change because they are deeply worried about how their relationship is going. Men simply don’t respond to “I’m unhappy”, “I’m unhaaaaaaaappy!” or “You suck! That’s why I’m so unhappy!” They do very much respond to wives dressing up nice and spending time with other men though.

I’m not saying it’s polite to do it, I’m just saying what works.


And I have to take issue with you saying my post started off "negative and criticising" - because it simply isn't, if you are referencing my original post. If you read through, I was explaining how I have taken positive action to change things I don't like about myself. Not negative and criticising, more positive change and outlook.
tobio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2012, 10:28 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 446
Default Re: How does someone "woman up"?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tobio View Post
This was the part I meant... At the bottom of his blog post.

Not for nothing, but the men that find MMSL on their own are always highly motivated to make change because they are deeply worried about how their relationship is going. Men simply don’t respond to “I’m unhappy”, “I’m unhaaaaaaaappy!” or “You suck! That’s why I’m so unhappy!” They do very much respond to wives dressing up nice and spending time with other men though.

I’m not saying it’s polite to do it, I’m just saying what works.


And I have to take issue with you saying my post started off "negative and criticising" - because it simply isn't, if you are referencing my original post. If you read through, I was explaining how I have taken positive action to change things I don't like about myself. Not negative and criticising, more positive change and outlook.
If the problem is that the husband is ignoring you sexually, then exhibiting "mild disloyalty" may be part of the solution. Sex is how men and women become emotionally bonded to each other such that they don't want sex with anyone else. So, when one partner gives the appearance of not being fully "bonded", it triggers sexual desire in the other one. Likewise if you behave like you are completely and totally attached to your spouse, there is no need to have sex with you. It won't get them aroused at all. I don't believe this is gender specific in any way.

Just keep in mind the "mild disloyalty" is very powerful stuff, only to be used with extreme care. If you overdo it, giving the impression that you might actually go outside the marriage, then the other person might just clam up and get ready to pull the ripcord on the whole relationship.
east2west is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2012, 10:36 AM   #12 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 4,725
Default Re: How does someone "woman up"?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tobio View Post
This was the part I meant... At the bottom of his blog post.

Not for nothing, but the men that find MMSL on their own are always highly motivated to make change because they are deeply worried about how their relationship is going. Men simply don’t respond to “I’m unhappy”, “I’m unhaaaaaaaappy!” or “You suck! That’s why I’m so unhappy!” They do very much respond to wives dressing up nice and spending time with other men though.

I’m not saying it’s polite to do it, I’m just saying what works.


And I have to take issue with you saying my post started off "negative and criticising" - because it simply isn't, if you are referencing my original post. If you read through, I was explaining how I have taken positive action to change things I don't like about myself. Not negative and criticising, more positive change and outlook.
Are you sure you've problems with asserting yourself?
AFEH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2012, 10:50 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 797
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AFEH View Post
Are you sure you've problems with asserting yourself?
Ha! I can't tell your tone but I'll take it as it reads... Yep. I have alwats been quite timid and very conflict-avoidant in an unhealthy way. That is something I have also been working on with some success - once I realised me and my voice is just as good as anyone else's.

Speaking up for myself generally is a real achievement. Feels very good whether it achieves anything or not. Small steps all add up.
Posted via Mobile Device
tobio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2012, 11:30 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 4,066
Default Re: How does someone "woman up"?

OP, I would say it is developing good self-esteem, self respect and creating healthy boundaries. It's about living authentically and treating others with the same level of healthy respect with which we treat ourselves. It's about being strong enough to stand alone, but also being strong enough to allow ourselves to be vulnerable with another human being. It's about continuing to grow and allowing others the space to do the same.

I'm sure I'll think of other things, but that's a good start!
Cosmos is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2012, 03:13 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 797
Default Re: How does someone "woman up"?

Quote:
Originally Posted by east2west View Post
If the problem is that the husband is ignoring you sexually, then exhibiting "mild disloyalty" may be part of the solution. Sex is how men and women become emotionally bonded to each other such that they don't want sex with anyone else. So, when one partner gives the appearance of not being fully "bonded", it triggers sexual desire in the other one. Likewise if you behave like you are completely and totally attached to your spouse, there is no need to have sex with you. It won't get them aroused at all. I don't believe this is gender specific in any way.

Just keep in mind the "mild disloyalty" is very powerful stuff, only to be used with extreme care. If you overdo it, giving the impression that you might actually go outside the marriage, then the other person might just clam up and get ready to pull the ripcord on the whole relationship.
See, I get what you are saying, but I'm not sure I understand how that actually happens in practice. I can't see where one draws the line between what is okay and not okay. Is it being flirtatious? Showing to your spouse that you are attracted to someone else but not actually doing anything that enters the realm of EA/PA?
tobio is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Does a " Good Guy " ever speak the woman language ? Triton The Men's Clubhouse 19 12-01-2013 12:26 AM
If a H says another woman is "worth one" to his guy friends... walkingwounded The Men's Clubhouse 18 07-24-2011 12:07 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:42 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage