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Old 01-04-2013, 12:08 PM   #76 (permalink)
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Unhappy Re: Advice: Am I being ridiculous?

McMuffin,

You still don't get it and , in my opinion, several of the previous posters also don't get it. A confident alpha male does not need to address a want-to-be suitor who is trying to talk to his wife. You can't be around your wife 24x7. You will look weak and foolish to others in the bar if you intervene in this silly game. More importantly, you will look needy and incompetent as a man to your wife. A man with good self-esteem is not worried about these guys and also isn't worried about what his wife thinks. He states simply that he views tolerance of this flirting by his wife as disrespectful and unacceptable. Period. If observed, we are leaving. If she doesn't leave than she can stay as long as she wishes. You will take the time to box up her sh1t.

You can't control what she does or what anyone else does. You can only control your behavior and what you will tolerate. Stop even considering the guys. Deal with what you will tolerate and with communicating that clearly
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Old 01-04-2013, 01:54 PM   #77 (permalink)
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Default Re: Advice: Am I being ridiculous?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KanDo View Post
McMuffin,

You still don't get it and , in my opinion, several of the previous posters also don't get it. A confident alpha male does not need to address a want-to-be suitor who is trying to talk to his wife. You can't be around your wife 24x7. You will look weak and foolish to others in the bar if you intervene in this silly game. More importantly, you will look needy and incompetent as a man to your wife. A man with good self-esteem is not worried about these guys and also isn't worried about what his wife thinks. He states simply that he views tolerance of this flirting by his wife as disrespectful and unacceptable. Period. If observed, we are leaving. If she doesn't leave than she can stay as long as she wishes. You will take the time to box up her sh1t.

You can't control what she does or what anyone else does. You can only control your behavior and what you will tolerate. Stop even considering the guys. Deal with what you will tolerate and with communicating that clearly
what you say makes perfect sense..... I understand the importance of focusing on the boundary and not the guy(s) at the bar.
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Old 01-04-2013, 02:22 PM   #78 (permalink)
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Default Re: Advice: Am I being ridiculous?

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Originally Posted by KanDo View Post
A confident alpha male does not need to address a want-to-be suitor who is trying to talk to his wife.
This is great if you are PUA. Who cares about one girl when there are tons of others ripe for the picking. It is not appropriate however in a committed relationship. There are going to be ups and downs in the level of attraction between any two people and at some point you may have to have to step up and protect what is belongs to you.

If you react to someone making a move on your spouse with indifference, there are four possibilities.

1) You are so "alpha" that other men cannot pose a threat.
2) You are so afraid of confrontation that you won't do anything to stop someone else from f*cking your wife.
3) You are completely unaware of what is going on.
4) You honestly don't give a sh!t.

Everyone who witnesses the event decides for themselves which camp you are in.
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Old 01-04-2013, 02:28 PM   #79 (permalink)
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Default Re: Advice: Am I being ridiculous?

And why do we care what other poeple think?

I'm married. There are plenty of other girls ripe for the picking. If the one I'm married to can't handle her sh1t, I'm going to go pick another one.

This is the entire basis of the MMSL approach, by the way.
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Old 01-04-2013, 02:30 PM   #80 (permalink)
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Default Re: Advice: Am I being ridiculous?

I agree with east2west. Although if in a situation where a man is flirting with me, my H will deal with me not the guy....he will also shoot the guy a "look" that says "back off, dude". He never has to do any more than shoot this look because he is very alpha and very large. But the point being, he has no problem making it clear to everyone, me, any guy talking to me, and everyone else who can see, that I belong to him and he doesn't share.

My H is confident in all situations and knows no other male has any chance with me at all. That doesn't mean he will idly sit by and watch me disrepsect him NOR will he idly sit by and watch another man trying to approach me.
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:34 PM   #81 (permalink)
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Default Re: Advice: Am I being ridiculous?

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Originally Posted by Saki View Post
And why do we care what other poeple think?

I'm married. There are plenty of other girls ripe for the picking. If the one I'm married to can't handle her sh1t, I'm going to go pick another one.

This is the entire basis of the MMSL approach, by the way.
You are wrong, MMSL does not advocate indifference in these situations.

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Old 01-04-2013, 05:03 PM   #82 (permalink)
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Default Re: Advice: Am I being ridiculous?

This attitude is the central concept of MMSL:

Who cares about one girl when there are tons of others ripe for the picking. It is not appropriate however in a committed relationship....


ENH wrong, you want your wife scared you have a foot out the door. In fact it's the secret to a happy marriage, at least some would say.
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Old 01-04-2013, 05:14 PM   #83 (permalink)
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Default Re: Advice: Am I being ridiculous?

Saki - I am married to a natural alpha male. The "secret" you are talking about is not acheived by childish antics like POA crap. The "secret" - the fact that I know my husband could easily nab another woman - does in fact make me know his worth. I know he is valuable to other females because I have eyes, I am a perceptive female, and the upstanding, honorable way he treats me shows me his worth, and I know other females would value him as well.

However, it is never a one sided worth, or this "secret" will not work. My H knows I can easily nab another man as well. He knows my worth the market.

Both of us having high value on the open market is evident to the other. Yes, we both cherish each other a bit more due to this. BUT...neither of us do some kind of stupid tricks to "show" our value on the open market. If we did so, we would simply look lame and silly to each other.

You are implying, I think, that a man, according to MMSL, should "game" his way into appearing that he has worth on the open market.

But a man who DOES have worth on the open market needs to do nothing to "prove" this....it is simply evident.

True alpha males don't need to read books to figure out how to "have game".
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Old 01-04-2013, 05:28 PM   #84 (permalink)
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Default Re: Advice: Am I being ridiculous?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
Saki - I am married to a natural alpha male. The "secret" you are talking about is not acheived by childish antics like POA crap. The "secret" - the fact that I know my husband could easily nab another woman - does in fact make me know his worth. I know he is valuable to other females because I have eyes, I am a perceptive female, and the upstanding, honorable way he treats me shows me his worth, and I know other females would value him as well.

However, it is never a one sided worth, or this "secret" will not work. My H knows I can easily nab another man as well. He knows my worth the market.

Both of us having high value on the open market is evident to the other. Yes, we both cherish each other a bit more due to this. BUT...neither of us do some kind of stupid tricks to "show" our value on the open market. If we did so, we would simply look lame and silly to each other.

You are implying, I think, that a man, according to MMSL, should "game" his way into appearing that he has worth on the open market.

But a man who DOES have worth on the open market needs to do nothing to "prove" this....it is simply evident.

True alpha males don't need to read books to figure out how to "have game".


My partner is an easy going alpha who indulges me in many things, but there's no way I would dare (or want to) behave the way the OP's W is doing. He wouldn't play silly games with me, but I would undoubtedly lose value in his eyes and he would no doubt tell me to either shape up or ship out.

The OP needs to set very clear boundaries with his W, and let her know in no uncertain terms that there will be consequences should she not stick to them.
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Last edited by Cosmos; 01-05-2013 at 01:13 AM.
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Old 01-04-2013, 09:33 PM   #85 (permalink)
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Default Re: Advice: Am I being ridiculous?

Quote:
Originally Posted by east2west View Post
This is great if you are PUA. Who cares about one girl when there are tons of others ripe for the picking. It is not appropriate however in a committed relationship. There are going to be ups and downs in the level of attraction between any two people and at some point you may have to have to step up and protect what is belongs to you.

If you react to someone making a move on your spouse with indifference, there are four possibilities.

1) You are so "alpha" that other men cannot pose a threat.
2) You are so afraid of confrontation that you won't do anything to stop someone else from f*cking your wife.
3) You are completely unaware of what is going on.
4) You honestly don't give a sh!t.

Everyone who witnesses the event decides for themselves which camp you are in.
We will have to agree to disagree. A husband running up to every man that approaches his wife is an insecure beta. A secure man expects and demands his wife will control these situation. It's the husband's responsibility to intervene if the loser doesn't get the message.
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Old 01-04-2013, 11:53 PM   #86 (permalink)
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Default Re: Advice: Am I being ridiculous?

No where in the natural world does the Alpha sit by when another male crosses into his 'territory'. That includes us. Again, Alpha is gained througout your life mainly through your interactions and your comfort in conflict with other men. The confindence that is gained throug these social interactions which can start as early as an elementary school yard is part of what women naturally respond to.
PUA's, who are mostly betas who learned how to mimick some alpha behavior don't get this. They did not come to their 'alphaness' in this way. It is contrived. This is why they advocate the aloofness thing in these situations. They fail to realize that it is sometimes about the other guy. Because their goal is to get laid they have set up a system where the woman gets to decide whether or not he is alpha by choosing to sleep with him. This is backwards. By the way, they should not be giving relationship advice. I actually posted about this at MMSL in June. Under My real name. Eric V.
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Old 01-05-2013, 12:16 AM   #87 (permalink)
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Default Re: Advice: Am I being ridiculous?

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No where in the natural world does the Alpha sit by when another male crosses into his 'territory'. That includes us. Again, Alpha is gained througout your life mainly through your interactions and your comfort in conflict with other men. The confindence that is gained throug these social interactions which can start as early as an elementary school yard is part of what women naturally respond to.
PUA's, who are mostly betas who learned how to mimick some alpha behavior don't get this. They did not come to their 'alphaness' in this way. It is contrived. This is why they advocate the aloofness thing in these situations. They fail to realize that it is sometimes about the other guy. Because their goal is to get laid they have set up a system where the woman gets to decide whether or not he is alpha by choosing to sleep with him. This is backwards. By the way, they should not be giving relationship advice. I actually posted about this at MMSL in June. Under My real name. Eric V.
Sorry, it was August.

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Old 01-05-2013, 12:35 AM   #88 (permalink)
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Default Re: Advice: Am I being ridiculous?

AS I said, we will have to agree to disagree. I stand by my statement that A husband running up to every man that approaches his wife is an insecure beta. Thread jack over
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Old 01-05-2013, 12:53 AM   #89 (permalink)
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Default Re: Advice: Am I being ridiculous?

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AS I said, we will have to agree to disagree. I stand by my statement that A husband running up to every man that approaches his wife is an insecure beta. Thread jack over
Threadjack??? This debate is directly related to the issue the OP is posting about.
I think he's getting alot from us defending and articulating our positions on mate guarding.
Mcmuffin, If i'm wrong about this, then I apologize.
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Old 01-05-2013, 06:24 AM   #90 (permalink)
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Default Re: Advice: Am I being ridiculous?

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AS I said, we will have to agree to disagree. I stand by my statement that A husband running up to every man that approaches his wife is an insecure beta. Thread jack over
I agree with that statement as you stated it. However the OP's situation is different. The problem is with one specific man who he has previously identified as having a strong interest in his wife. We are not suggesting he should interfere in every single conversation with anyone at the bar.
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