We've had our share of ups and downs and really let ourselves go for awhile. We're both overweight severely and she just recently told me she's not attracted to me from the neck down anymore. I came back with I've never been not been attracted to you and so the convo went on from there about weight and such. We both started working out but I'm not sure if that will be enough to go the attraction back?
Re: My wife said she's not attracted to me anymore?
Well you won't know till you try will you? I love my husband dearly but I do have a weight limit. He's hit it a few times and no I'm not attracted to him when he's that size. I can deal with overweight just not severely overweight.
__________________ "In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.
Last edited by anchorwatch; 01-20-2013 at 12:26 PM.
Re: My wife said she's not attracted to me anymore?
Quote:
Originally Posted by brianj_usa
Really let ourselves go for awhile.
Both overweight severely
Told me she's not attracted to me
We both started working out
I'm not sure if that will be enough to [get] the attraction back?
Although gaining weight is an obvious attraction killer, there's more to it than that. You also lose attraction points on behavior, and behaving in a way that allowed you to become 'severely overweight' has to have popped a confidence bubble in your spouses mind, 'how could he let himself go this much'. (I know she is overweight to, but that doesn't change her judgement of you, it doesn't sound fair, but it is what it is).
So, you have two problems to address (at least):
Reestablish her confidence in you.
Take charge of your sad, sad, physical state; for your own damned well-being.
Starting today:
Stop whining to her about your, or her, weight problem.
Stuff yourself with baked chicken or chicken cooked in olive oil, eat so much of it that there's no room for crap.
Eat a lot of steamed broccoli, it'll help cut the extra estrogen the fat in your body is creating (you have to get rid of that estrogen, it affects the way you think also).
Carbs are killin ya, if that's your mission there are easier, more honorable ways to go about it. If on the other hand, life is important, cut that junk food (carbs).
Don't watch more than an hour of tv.
Don't sit at the computer for more than an hour.
Don't play video games for more than an hour.
If you sit at your job, try to do it standing, if possible.
The modifications I mentioned, are just a sampling of what you need to do, but, and this is important, if you do these things with a good solid attitude, you'll start to regain some of your wife's attraction to you, even before you lose any substantial weight, because she will see a determined man taking decisive action, and that my friend, is an attractive trait.
Re: My wife said she's not attracted to me anymore?
I just read your other thread.
My guess is the OM in better physical shape then you. No?
Have you confronted him to stay out of your marriage? You need to.
He's a orbiter. He's going to make it sound like he's there for her. Then when she feels comfortable enough she'll make the jump from you to him. He's setting himself up to be in place when she jumps.
__________________ "In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.
Last edited by anchorwatch; 01-20-2013 at 11:33 AM.
Re: My wife said she's not attracted to me anymore?
Lose the weight for you. Don't plan on her coming back after that. It's not the weight. I'm nearly 100% sure of that. Once you guys split, it'll be a lot easier to get back into the game if you're thinner.
She's falling out of love with you, and it's not the weight.
Re: My wife said she's not attracted to me anymore?
Wow awesome responses! The other guy sent me a message and told me that if I wasn't comfortable with them talking he would stop. I trust her completely. We are having a hard time right now but we're both trying and we'll see how it goes but I do need to work on myself to get confidence and stability back in my life and our life. I appreciate all the responses, thanks
__________________ "In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.
Re: My wife said she's not attracted to me anymore?
I need to clarify some things I wrote before....I know severely overweight was probably the wrong choice of word to use on her weight because her weight is the result of 7 pregnancies and a thyroid problem. She has lost the weight 2 times but gained it back with a pregnancy. Also, it's not like we're not having sex because we are, we've actually had more in the past few weeks of talking then we did in the past 6-9 months. I do need to be more confident but it's hard with everything that's happened in the past few years...been fired from 2 jobs, hours cut back at the job where I am now and she's a small business owner that has been picking up the slack for me since my job situation has been horrible. She is a strongindependent woman and I'm not very strong right now and it's bothering her. I know I need to be more take charge, driven and I need to stand up for myself, which I don't do. She said I need to find something to do with my free time but around her I don't what to do, it's a very small community.
Re: My wife said she's not attracted to me anymore?
I'm going to bet her issue with you isn't physical. She may find you less attractive these days primarily because your job difficulties and your lack of confidence. She's "picking up the slack"? Does that mean she's the primary bread-winner and that's not something she's been used to? Your hours cut back? Is she seeing you working less and relaxing more? If she owns a business, she probably drives herself pretty hard. You might try to stay hustling at least 40 hrs a week. If you don't have a full schedule at work, use the time to look for a better job, train for a better job, improve your education, exercise, lose weight, or something. You'll feel more in control and your confidence will improve, too. Big can still be sexy but as a guy you don't want to look weak, indecisive, and dependent. Women usually go for security and weak or depressed doesn't broadcast "security".
__________________ "In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.
Re: My wife said she's not attracted to me anymore?
Quote:
Originally Posted by anchorwatch
You really need to read MMSL now. You have free time? Download it today.
Completely agree. Brian, you are a textbook example case of everything the Author talks about in the Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011. You need to read it and you will see -- it will change your life.
Re: My wife said she's not attracted to me anymore?
I see a few similarites between your story and mine, Brian. While my wife never gave ultimatums, or criticized my appearance- I was overweight and I had lost my confidence as a result. The MMSL was essential for me as the MAP is pretty much an outline of how to get your sh*% together as a guy. It's pretty simple at the core- better yourself.
Your health is essential in this process, but you have to want it... no, you have to NEED it. If you can't commit to becoming the Brian you used to be, or NEED to be, well, then you will fail.... but, if you can taste it, and are willing to put in the effort and time- you can do it.
I hear you that money is an issue (when is it not?), but there are things you CAN do. As Tony mentioned, eat smarter and exercise. Broccoli and chicken are cheap. Running is free... well, provided you have some shorts and sneakers. You want something to do with your free time? Run!
I started my journey back in Oct 2011. Every day is another day forward. I've lost 75 pounds. When I started I could barely walk around the block, now I run 3-4 miles every weekday morning at 5am. I do a long run on Sat or Sun. I move forward.
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My wife said she's not attracted to me anymore? 
Re: My wife said she's not attracted to me anymore? 
