JCD: I am very surprised at how much understanding you have for my position as a Moslem woman. I did take a very big risk. If someone from my community got ahold of those nude pictures, it will not only my name that will be tainted but also the name of my family.
The part about there is no going back is also true. If divorce were to happen, my family will bear the shame and scorn of other people. No daughter with strong sense of filial piety will do that to her parents.
Interfaith marriage is actually unrecognized by some of my Moslem peers, some see it as if I am currently living in sin. To marry a man from other faith, getting involved in a swinger community and God forbid, be a divorcee…one sin after another.
We have been talking a lot since January, but I have a feeling that he does not even want to communicate about it. He did not want me to leave and to my shame, I actually love him too much to think about leaving him.
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم,
[ bismi-llāhi r-raḥmāni r-raḥīm ]
You are from a different cultural background whose value system is entirely different from those in the West.
Your family's name/ reputation is at stake,
Your Marriage is at stake,
Your sanity is at stake.
What are your options?
What about your residential status in the country you live at present?
If you should divorce , would you be deported?
Would it be difficult for you to get a job and support yourself?
You love your husband and seem willing to allow him to have his way. Is it that you respect him as the head of the marriage, it that you are willing to compromise your integrity and respectability because the other options are not good?
It looks like you are in " checkmate " to me and you cannot make a move. You are stuck, so you are starting to rationalize your feelings.
I ask you these question because the situation you are describing may be an abusive one.
Abuse can be defined as treatment given to a spouse , child , or person below the standard of what he or she is accustomed to, with the intention to force them or humiliate them.
Seek professional counselling and you will overcome this,
Take care of yourself, Insha'Allah إن شاء الله