Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !
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Old 02-24-2013, 07:02 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !

I've been checking out some of the online dating sites seems as it looks like I might be single .

The girls seem out there in their expectations.
A lot of them will actually say they've been alone for 5 years , or even 10 , they're lonely, they're sick of being alone .
Then they follow up with a so precisely and exactly just what they are looking for in their next man.
Um , alone for 5 yrs , or 10 , but I will require perfection because after all , the world is my fckg ouster in this candy store .

Does anyone else find this or have I just been into crappy sites so far ?
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Old 02-24-2013, 07:38 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !

I avoid dating sites despite being encouraged for the last two years to join them. My ex and I met online so the internet in general is a bit of a trigger for me in a manner of speaking.

I'm not picky per se, but I do have better boundaries. I know what I will and will not tolerate in behavior. Rather than pull out a laundry list when I'm getting to know men, I just sit, absorb, watch. I try to talk little which is VERY HARD for me... lol. I like to give the benefit of the doubt.

Just getting to a date though... seems like a monumental task sometimes. I've resisted the pressure, accepted that I'm going to have to get used to alone time, and felt that if I keep on doing things I love I'm going to eventually find someone who is going to be heading in the same direction.

I've had many friends say they are successful with match, eharmony, even the yahoo personals but I just don't think that strategy is for me.
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Old 02-24-2013, 09:41 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !

I did sign up with Eharmony and took lots of time answering questions and was as specific as could be. After a few weeks I had 3-5 potentials. I started emailing 2 of them. Am currently dating 1. (2 years later!)

I was happy with experience but have heard many other sites just dump everyone on a search page and you pick.

It seemed Eharmony filtered out some of the things that might be issues and only gave you a handfull of potentials.
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Old 02-24-2013, 09:50 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !

Whitehawk,
I have done the same as you with dating sites. I use one now but I have no expectations from it. I have met some wonderful women on there but none have been long term material. I will also say that most of the women I have met have been somewhat overweight (defined as "curvy" on the site.) There are a few hotties on there but like you said you pretty much have to be Brad Pitt before they will even pay you any attention. I don't want that kind of "high maintenance" woman who probably has daddy issues anyway.

What Satya said above is really good advice. I focus on things that interest me and if/when the time is right I will meet someone. I'm in no rush. I am enjoying the "me" time I get now with my daughters.

Yes, UNREALISTIC expectations abound. Those women will find themselves alone for another 5-10 years waiting on Mr. Perfect who doesn't exist.
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Old 02-24-2013, 10:30 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !

Quote:
Originally Posted by whitehawk View Post
I've been checking out some of the online dating sites seems as it looks like I might be single .

The girls seem out there in their expectations.
A lot of them will actually say they've been alone for 5 years , or even 10 , they're lonely, they're sick of being alone .
Then they follow up with a so precisely and exactly just what they are looking for in their next man.
Um , alone for 5 yrs , or 10 , but I will require perfection because after all , the world is my fckg ouster in this candy store .

Does anyone else find this or have I just been into crappy sites so far ?
Welcome to the world of on-line dating.
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Old 02-24-2013, 11:29 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !

I got drunk one night and signed up for a dummy account
on one of those popular dating sites, just to see what was out there.

Now, this is just from a man's experience and is meant
to be light humor. Please don't take offense, as I'm sure
many other men can testify to the following set of circumstances.

I found that there were many different categories of women on this popular dating site.

The obvious - these are the women that when you see their photo,
you instantly understand why they're on an online dating site.

The derps - these are the ones that look like they may not be playing with a full deck.
They ramble in their bios and it reads like a bad fairytale. (run!)

Crazy eyes - these types usually think their eyes are their best
feature... but they make me wonder if they'd club me over the
head and eat my brains for dinner.

The pucker-uppers - these are the ones that can't avoid puckering
their lips in every god damn picture. You're 35 - stop already!

The shady ones - these are the ones that post altered photos,
whether it's cut and pasted, or photoshopped into oblivion, you
can clearly tell some manipulation has taken place.

The hidden - these are the ones that have extreme close-ups
of their faces in 4 out of 5 pics, then the last one is a body
shot that launches you out of your chair.

The elderly - these are the ones that you look at and say "No WAY are you 30."

And finally.......


The hot ones - these are the ones that will never message you back
because they're already getting bombarded by every man with
a pulse on the site.


In the end, I noticed that I had never clicked the word "No"
so many times in my life.

While I know internet dating sites have been useful for some, I simply find
it to be another case of selling hope to the hopeless.

I think I'll stick to my social circles, word of mouth and
good old fashioned confidence. Eye contact and face to face
conversations have to be more effective than this internet dating garbage.
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Old 02-24-2013, 12:20 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !

Quote:
Originally Posted by whitehawk View Post
I've been checking out some of the online dating sites seems as it looks like I might be single .

The girls seem out there in their expectations.
A lot of them will actually say they've been alone for 5 years , or even 10 , they're lonely, they're sick of being alone .
Then they follow up with a so precisely and exactly just what they are looking for in their next man.
Um , alone for 5 yrs , or 10 , but I will require perfection because after all , the world is my fckg ouster in this candy store .

Does anyone else find this or have I just been into crappy sites so far ?
They are tools to use to your advantage, to assist you in meeting your ends. Don't read a woman's profile and decide if you are what she is looking for ... decide if she's what you are looking for and send a note.

The goal is about getting dates, not window shopping for your soul-mate.

And believe me, women have it WAY worse than men on a dating site. Dated a woman who told me she had over 300 emails within 48 hours of joining, and guys would send her follow-up emails that they were pissed that she hadn't responded.

Online dating is not for the sheepish and thin-skinned, just like real world dating. Relax, have fun.
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Old 02-24-2013, 12:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !

I've pretty much ruled out online dating. For one, it's too much damn work. Post all the stuff then you have to email, text, chat, etc, etc. Too much like my job. No thanks.

Then there's the blind date. Yes, that's pretty much what it is. Never liked blind dates and still don't like the idea.

It's too much like shopping for a used car. And I also don't like BEING the car! I'm more into meeting people through my various hobbies, clubs and I go to Meetup.com to socialize and have fun.

If I meet someone in my travels and they are interested in going on a date then I'll give it a shot. So far I haven't found anyone that interests me. One guy was close but he was too flakey so I pretty much ended it.

Helps that I really don't care about finding someone. I'm content being alone and on my own and never want to get married again. I don't even want to live with anyone again. I really feel for those who are lonely. I've heard that from so many people...

,,."Aren't you lonely?"

..."Aren't you bored?"

..."Don't you miss having someone in your life?"

No, I'm not any of those things and I don't miss having someone in my life.. So dating isn't a big priority at all.
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Old 02-24-2013, 01:00 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !

Whitehawk:

1. Go to Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup you will meet people (men and women) to join activities with: hiking, kayaking, shooting pool, argue politics, etc. Join up...you'll meet interesting people of both sexes and you MAY find someone to date in a group where you share a common interest (or a new buddy may have a sister/neighbor, etc.).

2. Feel free to come over to the Life After Divorce boards. There's one called The New Online Dating thread...most of us there are 40+yo. Lots of company with whom to commiserate!

Edited to add: Amen, Freak on a Leash! The only thing *I* miss is the sex (and the last 10 years was pretty crappy anyway....guess I miss GREAT sex, from the OLD DAYS!)
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Old 02-24-2013, 01:08 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deejo View Post
And believe me, women have it WAY worse than men on a dating site. Dated a woman who told me she had over 300 emails within 48 hours of joining, and guys would send her follow-up emails that they were pissed that she hadn't responded.
Yeah, if I got 300 emails from women within 48 hours of joining my life would be so terrible...........sarcasm off.
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Old 02-24-2013, 01:11 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !

BTW, just googled and found out that the average gender composition of a dating site is 41% women and 59% men.

They are good for women, not for men.
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Old 02-24-2013, 01:19 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !

This was a fun little article regarding an experiment with ten fake male and ten fake female profiles on OKCupid:

Cupid on Trial: A 4-month Online Dating Experiment | Jon Millward - Blog

A hot girl is going to have her mailbox overflowing no matter what she says in the profile. Guys get way fewer responses in general, but looks dominate.

I've read other larger and better controlled studies that say women are most interested in 1) height and 2) money, whereas men are most interested in looks. Women lie mostly about their weight and men lie mostly about how much they make.

My brief trial with online dating proved to be much less satisactory than meeting people in person because of lying on their part. Lying about whatever it was I demonstrated an interest in.

Last edited by Wiserforit; 02-26-2013 at 06:12 PM.
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Old 02-24-2013, 01:24 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !

Quote:
Originally Posted by SlowlyGettingWiser View Post
Edited to add: Amen, Freak on a Leash! The only thing *I* miss is the sex (and the last 10 years was pretty crappy anyway....guess I miss GREAT sex, from the OLD DAYS!)
For me, sex with someone who is just a warm body is the same as doing it on my own. It might be worse because then afterwards you have to TALK to and DEAL WITH that person. I just can't do that kind of thing so for me, it's not an option. Unless I'm with someone I truly love and care about I'll go solo. I'm not sweating it about finding that "special person" though so there are compromises that need to be made.

Please don't ask me to explain what "solo" is. Let's just say there's lots of ways to have fun on your own. I'm good at doing things on my own, from hiking and camping to..uh..yeah. And like you, my STBXH was no great shakes when it came to having sex so my current situation is actually BETTER.

I like the Meetup groups a lot. It's a fun, noncommittal type of way of meeting people who have the same interests as you do and getting out and doing things with other people. I've met some really nice people through Meetup.

Yes, there are single/dating Meetups but most aren't that way and I like that. I just don't like the online dating thing because it's just TOO focused on "finding that person." For some, it's what they want and that's fine but it's not my thing.
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Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
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Old 02-24-2013, 01:25 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !

Quote:
Originally Posted by SlowlyGettingWiser View Post
Whitehawk:

1. Go to Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup you will meet people (men and women) to join activities with: hiking, kayaking, shooting pool, argue politics, etc. Join up...you'll meet interesting people of both sexes and you MAY find someone to date in a group where you share a common interest (or a new buddy may have a sister/neighbor, etc.).

2. Feel free to come over to the Life After Divorce boards. There's one called The New Online Dating thread...most of us there are 40+yo. Lots of company with whom to commiserate!
Both good recommendations.
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D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
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Old 02-24-2013, 01:32 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !

Quote:
Originally Posted by cantthinkstraight View Post
I got drunk one night and signed up for a dummy account
on one of those popular dating sites, just to see what was out there.

Now, this is just from a man's experience and is meant
to be light humor. Please don't take offense, as I'm sure
many other men can testify to the following set of circumstances.

I found that there were many different categories of women on this popular dating site.
Now, this is just from one woman's experience and is meant
to be light humor. Please don't take offense.

I found that there were many different categories of men on a popular dating site.

The obvious - these are the men that when you see their photo, you instantly understand why they're on an online dating site.

The itemizers - these are the ones who will not even consider a woman that doesn't meet their extremely narrow criteria for hotness no matter how average looking they are themselves. They also display a propensity to complain that there are no good women out there.

Crazy eyes - these types usually think they are superior and alpha, but they make me wonder if they'd club me over the
head and eat my brains for dinner.

The bicep flexers - these are the ones who feel the need to prove they've got biceps in every goddamned picture. Yeah, I get it, you grew yourself a muscle. What about the one between your ears?

The shady ones - these are the ones that post altered photos,whether it's cut and pasted, or photoshopped into oblivion, you can clearly tell some manipulation has taken place. They also fail to give any details about themselves, so they can pretend their emotional wall is cool and mysterious.

The elderly - these are the ones that will only consider a match that is half his age or less.

The hot ones - these are the ones that have an extremely high opinion of themselves and will expect you to drool all over them while they continue to check out other women over your shoulder should you make the mistake of going out with them.

And finally.......


Oh, wait, is that it?
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