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Innocent Text?

20K views 191 replies 52 participants last post by  anonymous42 
#1 ·
So my wife is getting a really expensive tattoo that covers her entire back and requires multiple long sessions to finish. She admitted that the artist is 26 and attractive, and she even told me that she texted him saying,

"This is ***** we can do it next Friday or sometime next week."

Before he replied, she added,

"I just realized how that sounded. lol"

And she even told me all of this. Well, the next day she left her cell phone at home when she went to work, so I looked at the text and it went on,..... he replied to her sexual inuendo,

"Sounds like a plan, we can do that!!! Just bring in $800 and we can make magic happen!! :):)"

To which she replied,

"Alright. Sounds great, so long as you're worth my while...what time?"

He replies, "1 PM ???"

They text goodbye and she ends with a smiley face.

IMO, she is basically giving this guy an open invitation to nail her ass or get a blo job after he tatts her up and takes all of our money. Am I insane to think that?

I confronted her about my insecurity and she showed me the text word for word and did not try to delete or hide anything. She thought that I was overreacting and said that there was nothing to it.

It still did not make me feel better. If a girl tells me that, married or not, I'm thinking I can do that if I want it and if not at least get a BJ. Right??? Or am I crazy?

Please help
 
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#141 · (Edited)
I truly think you have big problems other than the tattoo guy.

-She's nearing her sexual prime, maybe she's in it, but she doesn't want to have sex(hint here: not with you anyways.)That means she's not sexually attracted to you. She is probably having sexual thoughts about anyone but you. That sucks. You need to have a long-term plan to build the attraction back. And this cannot be done by lame-ass romance either. Read Married Man Sex Life Primer and run the MAP.

-You haven't pairbonded with your wife. Weird that someone who teaches anthropology is clueless about basic human relationships. Has she ever said she felt like roommates etc? You need to spend time, use non-sexual touching, communicate daily, even go on dates to successfully go from basic infatuation/attraction to pairbonding. "His Needs Her Needs" and spending 15 hours weekly with your wife for just "you" time is very important.

-But there is also the imminent danger. Building attraction and pairbonding takes time. But she's got her eyes on another guy. so you cannot let this go on. I agree with other posters, you've let this go on longer than enough.You have to put your foot down, and you have to do it in the strongest and most assertive way possible. If you turn into a blubbering, pleading, begging, crying whinebag... she may pity you and let this go(she probably won't even do that and take it underground) and start another affair in a short time. And leave you. And rape you in divorce court. And make false accusations about you to every mutual friend you have.... So be a man and put your foot down... LIKE A MAN. Now, the problem with this is, you don't have the kind of relationship with your wife that she respects your demands. I mean, why should she, after all you are just a roomie. So... I think you should be ready for the break of your marriage, just in case.
 
#142 ·
She does seem like she is being very flirty. I get the feeling that she is very attracted to him. I don't get how people can be thinking about sex while they are in such pain. When I got my tat, that was the last thing on my mind. I got mine from a woman but I just can't imagine.
I don't know that she has decided she wants to cheat but she definitely enjoys the sexual chemistry.
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#143 · (Edited)
I don't get how people can be thinking about sex while they are in such pain. When I got my tat, that was the last thing on my mind.
A lot of people get off on pain. She's submissive to this guy. She's laying there vulnerable, he's putting something on her that's always going to be there... there's a lot of attitude and "kinky" potential in tattooing and these guys are preeminent examples of "don't give a f..." manliness that will make your typical damaged chick swoon. Compared to OP, who is coming off overly nice and weak... this guy is a stud. Female primal brain, doin' its thing.

OP: You don't seriously need to ask other people if these texts are innocent. YOU don't think they're innocent. THAT's why you're here. Now its time to ante up.

One guy I know who is a tat artist gets more @ss than a ladies' room toilet seat.

The way I figure, this is how your conversation with your wife should go. No more beating around the bush. Get some balls and put your foot down. She IS about to hook up with this guy if she hasn't already.

Him: "Babe, I tried to be understanding, but this stuff with the tat guy isn't flying with me anymore. You need to get a new one."
Her: "What? You're just being jealous and paranoid. Its innocent. He's cool, totally professional and the best at it."
Him: "I don't care. This texting and flirting is bullsh!t. Get your priorities straight. I'm not gonna sit back while you go line up to bang some loser tattoo artist."
Her: "I can do what I damn well please. You're really becoming a controlling jerk."
Him: "Tough sh!t. You're done with him or you're done with me. I brought this up nicely before and its clear you don't give a crap how I feel about it. I'm done with it."

The next part is tricky, because she's still probably going to come at this guy. So you basically need to keep your head up and be ready to bail. The writing is on the wall... she doesn't respect you.
 
#147 ·
So I did some more research on the shop and found that it is notorious for offering sex for tattoos and drawing ****s on girls and all the good stuff. Worst in town as far as I could tell. When the day of the appointment came, it was supposed to start at 12, but did not start until 3, and my wife and the artists had various stories as to why. So I decided she had ****ed him and I got a little crazy for a while until she started bawling one day saying that I had no faith in her and she could never forgive me for making her feel like a *****. So anyhow, I went and got a therapist. She said she will probably start going too. Beyond that, she still was acting crazy and not sleeping with me so I decided to bang her current best friend who has been texting me non-stop the last couple of weeks. Presto, within an hour of her friend leaving, my wife comes home and jumps on me in a way she has not in 2 years. She tells me she has done soul searching and is going to open her heart to me, give me more blowjobs, everything. She has been screwing me every day since, even when she works a 12 hour shift. My lesson from all this: do whatever it takes to get your confidence back. Women sense things subconsciously. I'm guessing from now on I will just sleep around when she is starting to with hold the sex. Is this a good strategy? :)
 
#151 ·
well it worked for now...you guys don't seem to understand that she can't be open with me about part of herself but that does not mean I am offended and going to leave her. She is an amazing woman and she has shown many signs of opening up recently. She works too hard and so it leaves her little time for our relationship, plus she approached it badly. She genuinely seems to have a new approach now, but the lack of energy and time together will be a problem until we get **** together financially, which with 5 children, will take some time. I appreciate all of the advice, but I do feel it is super conservative for the most part. I do not believe people are monogamous biologically, and while many people certainly conform to that, other can't or choose not to. I choose not to and want to be open about it, while my wife chooses not to and has trouble being open about it. That issue has more to do with her than me. My issue is letting go of my jealousy and insecurity if I am going to be involved in an open "don't ask don't tell" relationship which I agreed was acceptable when we embarked on this adventure. I guess temporarily, my solution was to break the glass, I felt it was an emergency. It has definitely worked out well in my favor, and now her best friend may be pressing for a threesome. How can this be bad, considering where I was, acting like a punk and whining and looking through her phone?
 
#158 ·
well it worked for now...you guys don't seem to understand that she can't be open with me about part of herself but that does not mean I am offended and going to leave her. She is an amazing woman and she has shown many signs of opening up recently. She works too hard and so it leaves her little time for our relationship, plus she approached it badly. She genuinely seems to have a new approach now, but the lack of energy and time together will be a problem until we get **** together financially, which with 5 children, will take some time. I appreciate all of the advice, but I do feel it is super conservative for the most part. I do not believe people are monogamous biologically, and while many people certainly conform to that, other can't or choose not to. I choose not to and want to be open about it, while my wife chooses not to and has trouble being open about it. That issue has more to do with her than me. My issue is letting go of my jealousy and insecurity if I am going to be involved in an open "don't ask don't tell" relationship which I agreed was acceptable when we embarked on this adventure. I guess temporarily, my solution was to break the glass, I felt it was an emergency. It has definitely worked out well in my favor, and now her best friend may be pressing for a threesome. How can this be bad, considering where I was, acting like a punk and whining and looking through her phone?
We seem to have a number of guys who are fine with their amazing wives having sex with other guys and who are only posting here for advice on how to feel fine about it. Like it is a bad thing. LOL.

These things end up being a hotwifing story.
 
#152 ·
so she's a ***** and I'm a troll now? Why is everyone so judgemental. Do you feel like exclusive sex bonds you immortaly with your mate or do you just not want to hurt their precious feelings by touching others? We barely touch each other in this spirit - forsaken society as it is...why is love bad but violence okay?
 
#155 ·
The good thing is that you now communicate with her on boundaries, althoug they are different from what the posters here would like to see. But I respect your choice and her behaviour shows improvement from your point of view. So yeah I think you do better now.
 
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#161 ·
People forget that the succes rate of marriages are very low, at least in my opinon. Other kinds of relation like open marriages and poly-amory, mistresses and 'masters' are not worse in that aspect.

Betrayal is the real problem. So if people agree to have a certain relation that is much better than open or secret betraying eachother.
 
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#162 ·
You both have got boundary problems.

If I were your wife I don't think I'd have much respect left for you because you seem to be too easy to give your wife away for another man's pleasure and you don't know how to protect what's yours. This is a big turn off for women, especially those of your wife's type.
None of you sounds like marriage material and if you both want to bang other people then what was the point of getting married in the first place?
 
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#163 ·
lovelygirl,

I don't own my wife, she is not mine like that. I would protect her if someone was trying to physically hurt her. Last I checked, sex feels pretty good and sometime even hurts good too. Gay people, polyamorous people, all kinds of people should have the right to get married and enjoy the legal benefits and those of living together. Perhaps not marriage as you conceive, but marriage nonetheless.

somethingelse,

This all happened in less than a month. Yes, we are both very impulsive and sexual...this is why I suggested an open relationship in the first place. I have hung out with her BF several times since and no intimacy has happened further. Maybe it was a one time thing. At any rate, upon going to therapy and re examining my own behavior, I think that the greater problem has little to do with my wife and relates to my own fixation on orgasm. I have been addicted to cumming since I was able to. So now I have ceased masturbating, watching porn, and when we have sex, I don't have to finish, but can. It is more about her. All of this came from my own idea that my sexual energy needs to be raised. This is basic tantra for those who don't know. I am now doing more reading on the subject and beginning to understand how I have accepted this base and masculine type of sex and how it misdirects a lot of my thoughts and messes me up in intimate situations. I feel real hope with this approach...much more so than having contest with wife to see who can **** the most other people...
 
#164 ·
Sorry I was so mean about it. I just hate to see this going on between people all of the time, including my own M. It drains the soul and is sick all together. I think a lot of people allow themselves to get caught up in the thought of sexual pleasure with other people more so than pleasing their current S and enjoying the benefits that come with having a S. For myself, I know what my H likes and what he doesn't like in bed. Other women couldn't possibly know what I know...therefore I think sex with other people is like void emptiness. For my H, the only thing that keeps him wanting to have other women is most likely the high he gets from "winning" them over. But he's told me before that after he does the dirty, all he wants is to do is leave and come home to me.

I'm happy for you if you are doing your part in making your M better. That's what it's all about. Absorb yourself in your mate, and make sure your W is on the same page as you
 
#166 ·
See_Listen_Love - I am now reading a book about female tantra and it is blowing my mind. I have done my share of personal rituals with natural psychedelic medicines (san pedro, psilocybin, etc.) but I don't know that anything has blown my mind more than not thinking about cumming. I don't even know what to think about, so I think about not cumming and read more about tantra. It hits everything right on the head. The problem is not about monogamy, but relaxation. That is the problem with our whole world, we can't relax. We can't enjoy sex because we just want to "get off." We can't enjoy work because we just want to get home. We can't enjoy home because...and on and on. This restless spirit comes from the two triangles, which are the mark of the beast. (In my opinion) It is a double male energy. Takes 6 dots to make two triangles, or the sign for two males. Male - Male - Male....fire fire fire...no balance. That is the problem here. But now as I read, I'm realizing my wife has the same issue with sex. She can't relax either, and treats it from the masculine approach mostly...
 
#167 ·
somethingelse - appreciate the kinder words. I talked to my wife about tantra last night and she read a few pages and basically laughed it off. I think I'm pretty much on my own, but the beauty of tantra is realizing that is the case anyhow, and we can reach ecstasy on our own - even without ejaculation. I feel like my whole perspective is shifting into the softness. I had a stretch 13 years ago where I felt the same but did not understand the relationship with cumming. Everything scientific I read, said it is good for the body and brain, yadda yadda. However, we can orgasm in other ways and changing the focus off of that pretty much changes the entire game in sex, life everything. Like I could still see possibility of 3 some or group sex or dates with wife involved but now I won't press for it because I don't care about getting off. Not wanting to cum has put me more in the moment than ever...it almost feels like limbo...but creativity is there. I like the idea of softness in perspective and absorbing into mate like you said. I still have a long ways to go, but I think I see the path now...
 
#169 ·
I already can have lots of orgasms in a row. Tantra is not bologna. Anything spiritual is bologna to people who choose to ignore it. Idea originality and patent are capitalist obsessions. There are not any completely original ideas, it is mathematically and semiotically impossible. Our very language we think with is given to us. However, an idea applied, no matter how old it is, can change you...maybe even becoming wisdom. Getting off four times in a row, well that is just American as apple pie. Winning???
 
#171 ·
I'm not surprised his reaction to the wife cheating, many many many times, is just to improve his skills in bed. Because, after all that's her latest excuse and he buys it. She's not going to stay with you for very long friend, you know this to be true. You just don't want to believe it yourself because that would mean giving up on a disfunctional relationship you find too thrilling fighting for. I mean any slight affection she gives you, any night she sleeps with you instead of someone else, is going to get you that domapine high you crave.

But seeing your actions after 12 pages, you two deserve each other.
 
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