jaked418

Ok, newbie here. I have been having some problems with my wife. We have recently been married and are having some social problems with other people.

When my wife and I go to other couples houses/parties, she many times does not talk to other people. Just sits there so quietly. Then when we leave, she pratically bites my head off for "ditching" her. I had no idea going to where the guys are and talking was ditching her. I can't make her talk to the other wives. She always says they are mean to her/rude/don't like her. Also, she is constantly telling me I see too much good in people. What does this mean?

I am also a social butterfly. I could talk to a bum on the street. But her. NO! She seems to hate you before she likes you.

She will take every expression as a bad one. (ie. "what was that look for," "What's that supposta to mean," "he/she is a ass/***** for saying that.") And I never take those comments that way. It is starting to annoy me at social events when I have to have her hang to me like a lost puppy when the men and women are in separate conversations/rooms.

Hopefully I didn't ramble too much. Is she paranoid? Does she think the world is out to get her? (I think so) I am finding myself less and less able to join other couples because she doesn't like them. We are down to like two couples we can hang with. I think that is completely unacceptable. What do I do??? HELP!

jivey

I take it these are your friends and not hers. Did you ever introduce her to any of these people. Help her start a conversation w/ someone.
Its sucks being around people you do not know. My wife is rude like that too and does not introduce me to her friends and other people she talks to. I can tell you its a ****ed up feeling. You can see the eyes of other people looking at you wondering who you are.
I am a social person to and always say someday i will put my wife on the spot and say how rude she is and intro my self. but, i rather just ***** at her for it. Make her change

martino

She sounds pessimistic and self centered. Not good..

1nurse

Jivey,
Make her change??? Yeah,good luck with that one! You can't MAKE someone change. They have to want to do that on their own. I really don't know what to say about your wife's behaviour other than it's immature and childish. Does she have jealous, controlling issues?? I can totally see why you feel embarrassed and ashamed of her when you're out in public. Not sure if talking to her will solve the problem.

Maybe come to some understanding before an event. Like if she gets bored or doesn't want to be there she can take a taxi home or leave early? That attitude would really wear on me. Good Luck.

Sandy55

She is insecure.

Did you two never go out socially with your friends before?

Mommybean

She definitely sounds insecure socially, but also, is it possible that she experiences a bit of anxiety when she is in a social situation and she does not know anyone but you? Anxiety like that can cause her to exhibit the exact type of behavior she has...maybe she talks down about them because she is AFRAID to get to know them, and therefore, if she gets it in her head that they are jerks to begin with, then she won't feel as bad for not being able to be social.
Have you talked to her before you are going to expose her to the situation? Maybe you can agree on some time frame for you to stick with her, make a point of getting her introduced around and then go talk to the guys.Then, try coming up with some sort of subtle signal that she can give you, if she is feeling overwhelmed, so you can excuse yourself graciously and go back to her.
Don't just write her off as being a b**** just to be a b**** until you really talk to her about it (and not after a party, when you are ticked off at each other to begin with).

michzz

Some people really have a social anxiety problem the likes of which you do not understand.

You owe it to your wife to at the very least include her in conversations and introduce her everyone there. And if you want to go off and talk to the guys, just don't leave her hanging! Deliberately in a light and joking manner do some kind of hand off to the ladies to smooth over her awkwardness.

And come back from time to time to check on her. Be light and airy in the conversations.

She is not you, she is not comfortable.

She takes offense easily and is sensitive and defensive.

Some day she might turn around. However you can't expect someone such as your wife to sink or swim. She will sink.

Sandy55