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Old 03-13-2013, 12:35 PM   #91 (permalink)
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Default Re: Make all or most of the decisions to become the alpha

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And ****, Riker pulled Troi. Mmmhmmm.
I like red headed doctors better....

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you'd think a Klingon would be alpha, but whenever they ask Worf his opinion they almost always ignore it
Contrary to Klingon mythology, not everyday is a good day to die..
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Old 03-13-2013, 12:38 PM   #92 (permalink)
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Default Re: Make all or most of the decisions to become the alpha

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If this man's definition of 'Alpha' were 100% true...I'd proudly and loudly proclaim my esteem for my Beta self..

In fact...I don't give a sh!t what these 'alphas' think......

I'm Beta and proud of it!!!! I'll cook your girl dinner, fix her computer, hold her all night and cry when she cries....when you are out doing the manly alpha decision thing...
Im that man too, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's when I do more..and more...... and after awhile not seeing it appreciated to my liking. Then the resentment and doormatting comes in. THAT'S where I need to put the alpha into high gear, to get my reciprocation. Not by ceasing to be the shoulder for her, the cook, the listener, the empathizer...truly nice guy I am. It's a balance of knowing how to act, and when.
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Old 03-13-2013, 12:41 PM   #93 (permalink)
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Default Re: Make all or most of the decisions to become the alpha

I agree Mothugsta....I reached that point where I just didn't want to do any of that anymore...felt used and abused...I should have gotten the alpha out of his cage and let him run a muck...but I didn't..
I just shut down like she did years before...

Maybe we should start a "Beta and better for it" thread to off-set all these chest beating faux alpha threads..
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Old 03-13-2013, 12:45 PM   #94 (permalink)
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Default Re: Make all or most of the decisions to become the alpha

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I get the heart of his point too, and the heart of yours. I have quite a bit less sympathy for Adex for reasons Gaia pointed out, but I still read the threads (rarely comment though) for good reason: research. I think Adex is definitely trying something out here and I don't wish ill on his relationship but refusing to see the blind spots in your actions and actually calling other ways inferior or "beta" is pretty much the downfall of any alpha who is partnered with someone who isn't 100% compliant...which I believe is a very large percentage of people.

As Wiserforit wisely (lol) pointed out, and as I am learning in my marriage and what Adex keeps missing out on is that without balance and humanity in yourself and your approach to your spouse, the more you "try" to be something (in this case more alpha) the more susceptible you are towards manipulation. So while I am married to a man who definitely thinks he make all of the decisions, from studying these threads and attitudes of the men who are trying to play this part...I still get my way because I know how to talk/manipulate my husband into it.

This isn't something I do all the time, but game playing leads to game playing and I can always tell when my husband has read or heard something to put him on an power-trip...and I not being naturally submissive and now armed with a whole bunch of insider info (Thanks Adex!) can direct him just as easily as he feels he can direct me.

My husband isn't blind or stupid though and eventually feels the negative effects of his power games and stops them (much more quickly these days) and as soon as we return to more equal footing and honestly, to our more natural states of being, the better our relationship is. That's what it comes down to.

So, don't assume all is good and easy on the other side of the fence either sinnister, for you could be as Alpha as you want and still be married to a woman like me who will use your alpha induced blind spots to her own greater advantage.
FF, very nice post.

I can see where some of you are coming from now with the comments about manipulation and game playing. What helps IS the backdrop of what Adex is pushing. It is blatant there.

There is a level of a man upping his game that is NOT a manipulation or a control or a trick or any of that. I see it is getting his act together in a positive way. He is being a better man. More in tune with his wifes needs. Not a power game but a lovers game.
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Old 03-13-2013, 12:47 PM   #95 (permalink)
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Default Re: Make all or most of the decisions to become the alpha

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I like Kay's description of Captain and First officer.

A woman likes a strong decisive and confident captain, but the first officer does have the power to over rule the captain if the captain's judgement is off.

Here is the key IMO:

DON'T BE A DOORMAT
This is my marriage. Long before Athol had any pubes.
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Old 03-13-2013, 12:48 PM   #96 (permalink)
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Default Re: Make all or most of the decisions to become the alpha

So last night my GF is out with a friend and texts me "I am trying to get rid of my friend so I can come home to you"

I said "I'm not sure that's a good idea, you've been drinking and it'd probably be safer if you stay at your home tonight".

She texts "Well I'll call you when my friend leaves and you can make the decision then".

LOVE IT, and so does she!
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Old 03-13-2013, 12:51 PM   #97 (permalink)
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Entropy...what is with that picture? Just curious.
Just another example of Entropy.



It is part of the Avatar contest.

TAM New Avatar Contest

Just some fun.
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Old 03-13-2013, 12:53 PM   #98 (permalink)
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Default Re: Make all or most of the decisions to become the alpha

OK, to totally trek-out for a minute (and still be on topic)

My marriage is more like Dax and Worf's, including the bone-breaking sex.
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Old 03-13-2013, 12:57 PM   #99 (permalink)
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Default Re: Make all or most of the decisions to become the alpha

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So last night my GF is out with a friend and texts me "I am trying to get rid of my friend so I can come home to you"

I said "I'm not sure that's a good idea, you've been drinking and it'd probably be safer if you stay at your home tonight".

She texts "Well I'll call you when my friend leaves and you can make the decision then".

LOVE IT, and so does she!
There IS something to this.

For most of my marriage I have not ordered for my wife at restaurants. However I have discovered she enjoys me ordering for her. Not sure this was always the case. Maybe she read an article on how to make a Beta think he is an Alpha. Hmmmm. I think this is part of being romanced.

She also likes it when I am so into her that I am on the verge of losing control. Think passion here.

Saturday we were coming out of the shower to get back into bed and she asked me if we should close the windows. As it turned out the answer was yes.
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Old 03-13-2013, 01:04 PM   #100 (permalink)
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Default Re: Make all or most of the decisions to become the alpha

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Right, I'm the Captain and he's the first officer.


I understand how his description works for a lot of couples, just not in mine. I constantly question my husband's judgment as I expect him to question mine. We work better this way, rather than my automatic/unspoken deferral (unless his judgment is off.)

But neither of us are doormats anymore...I just have to work harder at it than he does.
Look, does anyone walk the plank or get thrown in the brig with chains on or not?

My wife has a great pirate outfit.
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Old 03-13-2013, 01:20 PM   #101 (permalink)
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Default Re: Make all or most of the decisions to become the alpha

Hah!

If I get thrown in the brig with chains by the Captain, I always have a hidden key to wiggle my way out, and by the time I do so he's usually already walked off the plank out of his own volition.

He doesn't lock me up so he doesn't have to walk off the plank and have me be free anyway.
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Old 03-13-2013, 02:00 PM   #102 (permalink)
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Adex is only trying to play the Alpha role in being assertive.
In some environments this type of behavior is rewarded as people get tired of the dance.

You see this with dogs. One dog will get in anothers space and expect the other to back down. It is a game of domination. Not a game of having the best idea.

At the other extreme is conflict avoidance.

His strategy will dominate conflict avoiders.

I have seen new managers come into an organization and them rid the organization of very competent people and leave only folks who they can intimidate and dominate. They keep the yes people. The fact that the oganization is less capable is not their concern. All that matters is that they are in charge.


This I think is what Adex is calling leadership. Indeed a leader leads. But the leaders who standout and get things done are much more than this.


I've come across people like this, too, on my journey through life. They tend to reach the positions they have through bully-boy/girl tactics and back-stabbing, rather than any real skill or leadership.

Their main skill is managing to hone in on and weed out any opposition, thus keeping themselves surrounded by people who they can manipulate and who make them look good. To them, image is more important than the pursuit of excellence, and they'll hide behind it at the expense of all else...

Such people rarely reach the top of the pile, however, because whilst upper management has turned a blind eye to their antics, they actually know what this sort of character is like and, whilst he might get the job done, they actually despise him and don't want him in their lofty ranks.

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Old 03-13-2013, 08:16 PM   #103 (permalink)
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I think the rotten feeling in peoples stomach's is distracting them from the point Adex is trying to make.

Just reading between the lines here - based on his posts it seems he's trying to relay that being the primary decision maker and leader of a household is what gets a mans needs met for the most part.

I simply can't argue with that logic. Not only history, but I'm sure each and every one of us has multiple stories of situations where women (I'm using male=alpha, female = beta for this example) will pretty much do ANYTHING for that "alpha" male. Sometimes he's ugly as F but has more alpha qualities. Sometimes he's attractive but dumb as dirt, yet still has more alpha qualities on balance. These men typically aren't the ones in my situation for example. On a message board with pink backround complaining like a little B about how infrequent intimacy is. So I get the heart of his point. And I get that he pretty much eliminates the rosey sweetness and just posts bluntly for effect. But try to see it for what it is. I think he's a dude just as lost as the rest of us "hoping" that this theory will provide sustained results.

I'm too jaded to think any one simplistic theory will ever solve the female equation. You all are just too facsinating and down right complex....but if you can stick to a plan that works more often than not, then as a man you're golden. I believe that's what Adex is trying to do.
Thanks sinnister. Yes you said it eloquently. For whatever reason, lots of women are attracted to alphas aka the bad boys. I think the key is to channel the good qualities of alphas and forget about the bad qualities of a pure alpha.

People are getting too caught up in the term of alpha. I could use the term leader and I'm sure not everyone will be jumping on my back.
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Old 03-13-2013, 08:31 PM   #104 (permalink)
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I watched a lot of Star Trek TNG. Picard was an alpha because he made the decisions and didn't hesitate. In fact, I remember one episode where he was explaining to one of his crewmembers that he makes decisions confidently, because if he didn't, then his crew wouldn't believe in or follow him.

Even though Riker was his first officer, I would consider him an alpha too based on his personality but beta professionally because there's an organization he was a part of and he had to follow orders. Worf also appeared more beta to me as did Data, even though he was smart.

I suppose it has to do with how a person comes off. At any rate, I believe being more alpha can be learned.
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Old 03-13-2013, 08:50 PM   #105 (permalink)
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I watched a lot of Star Trek TNG. Picard was an alpha because he made the decisions and didn't hesitate. In fact, I remember one episode where he was explaining to one of his crewmembers that he makes decisions confidently, because if he didn't, then his crew wouldn't believe in or follow him.

First Contact...Capt'n Ahab HAD to have his white whale....

He didn't seem so decisive when he called Worf a coward and retreated to the staff room only to blow up and smash his little ships....

self-destruct..don't self-destruct...worf is a coward...worf is the most courageous man ever...blow the ship!!!

yes...VERY decisive...VERY alpha...

Bazingo B!tch!!
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