Home Owners?.....
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Old 03-11-2013, 09:08 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Question Home Owners?.....

I have a complicated issue.

My GF and I have been dating for almost two years now. We do not live together. I'm currently in the market to buy a house. I'm tired of renting and want to invest in my first home. We have talked about marriage. We both want to take that next step,BUT I feel we both agree we aren't quite "ready" yet I guess. Maybe just more me for that matter. I just cannot see spending x amount of $$$ on an engagement ring right now when I'm trying to purchase my first home. The complication enlies in that we are both Christian. Therefore we are both aware of the beliefs within our religion about living in the some household and not being married. More so, the dissaproval that would come of her parents if we were to do so. My parents, a bit more understanding if you will. Her's do not condone it whatsoever. Her lease is up within the next couple months. So I'm lost on the next move she/I should make. Should she look for a 6 month lease somewhere to give me time to find the home,purchase and close? Do I solely put the home in my name or do we jointly purchase? I'm sure there is some law anyways that even if the home is in my name by common law if anything were to happen she would be entitled to something. I just want to do this the right way. A way that the least issues and problems will come up on the road ahead. Sorry for the long and drawn out paragraph. Cliffs below...

Cliffs
-2 yr relationship(Christian)
-not living together
-end of lease approaching
-talk of marriage but timeline isn't right yet
-purchase home now,marriage later?
-marriage first,purchase home after?
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Old 03-11-2013, 09:19 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Home Owners?.....

If you aren't ready to get married, then you aren't ready to have joint ownership of a house.

I was going to suggest buying the house in your name, and then having a will drawn up leaving her the house, but again--if you're not ready to get married then she shouldn't be the beneficiary in your will.

As far as living together. Guys see it as a try out period (let's see how things work out). Women see it as a step--a commitment--toward getting married. Again, if you're not ready to get married, you're not ready to "commit" to getting married.

Quit trying to "sort of" commit to her. You are either committed enough to her to get married NOW, or your not. This wishy-washy stuff will just lead to problems (like the grape in the middle of the road analogy from Karate Kid).
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Old 03-11-2013, 09:30 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Home Owners?.....

BigEasy,

We all know that renting will never make you any money; the building owner will be making the capital gain not you.

If you are ready to take your first step on the home owning ladder then good for you.
If you and your SO have decided that you do not wish to live together before you marry for whatever reason (parental pressure / religious convention / personal morals) then your choices should reflect this.

I can only tell you what I would do in your situation.

Buy something that you can afford on your own in your own name but large enough that you’re SO could move in at a later date. Do not worry about spending massive sums on an engagement ring as you will both be better off if you use the “ring money” to increase your deposit / reduce the amount you have to borrow. If you love each other you do not need to make the jeweler / taxman a gift of your money to prove it.
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Old 03-11-2013, 09:54 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Home Owners?.....

Buying a house is a wise financial move. Getting married when you're not ready isn't. Agreeing to a 30 year mortgage with someone you aren't ready to marry isn't a wise financial move. If you can afford a house, buy one....with your own money and your credit. If you can't afford a house, you can't afford a wife. I'd be more inclined to start saving money (both of you) with the idea of buying a house at some future date. Sit down with her and work out a reasonable budget and then you both, living separately, get to work on saving money. Agree to marry or bail in 12 months. Sit down and go over the budget every month. At the end of 12 months, you both should have some bread saved for a down payment and you'll have some experience in jointly making financial decisions. You'll have a better idea of what sort of financial partner she'll make and how she handles conflict. End of 12 months, you either marry her with confidence or you bail with each of you having some money saved. Maybe some marriage prep counseling during this time wouldn't hurt. Do not marry anyone EVER for financial benefit.
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Old 03-11-2013, 10:09 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Home Owners?.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Firefly View Post
If you aren't ready to get married, then you aren't ready to have joint ownership of a house.

I was going to suggest buying the house in your name, and then having a will drawn up leaving her the house, but again--if you're not ready to get married then she shouldn't be the beneficiary in your will.

As far as living together. Guys see it as a try out period (let's see how things work out). Women see it as a step--a commitment--toward getting married. Again, if you're not ready to get married, you're not ready to "commit" to getting married.

Quit trying to "sort of" commit to her. You are either committed enough to her to get married NOW, or your not. This wishy-washy stuff will just lead to problems (like the grape in the middle of the road analogy from Karate Kid).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wiltshireman View Post
BigEasy,

We all know that renting will never make you any money; the building owner will be making the capital gain not you.

If you are ready to take your first step on the home owning ladder then good for you.
If you and your SO have decided that you do not wish to live together before you marry for whatever reason (parental pressure / religious convention / personal morals) then your choices should reflect this.

I can only tell you what I would do in your situation.

Buy something that you can afford on your own in your own name but large enough that you’re SO could move in at a later date. Do not worry about spending massive sums on an engagement ring as you will both be better off if you use the “ring money” to increase your deposit / reduce the amount you have to borrow. If you love each other you do not need to make the jeweler / taxman a gift of your money to prove it.

Thanks for all your input guys. I feel like i'm ready to commit as I have been for a while now. I just wanted to be able to get a decent ring which honestly isn't that important to me of course. It's just overwhelming when i'm about to place a large sum down on a home. All the advice is really appreciated.
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Old 03-11-2013, 10:25 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Home Owners?.....

Is the cost/size of the ring important to her?
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Old 03-11-2013, 11:11 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigEasy View Post
I just wanted to be able to get a decent ring which honestly isn't that important to me of course.
It's pretty common for couples to start with a ring with a small, modest stone and then replace it with a larger one years down the road. Or, agree to get a ring with a larger fake diamond now, and then replace it with a real diamond in a few years when your financially better off.

Going deep into financial debt right off the bat is stupid. If she insists on having a $10,000 wedding ring immediately, then you should question whether she is mature enough to get married at this point.
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Old 03-11-2013, 12:31 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Home Owners?.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Firefly View Post
It's pretty common for couples to start with a ring with a small, modest stone and then replace it with a larger one years down the road. Or, agree to get a ring with a larger fake diamond now, and then replace it with a real diamond in a few years when your financially better off.

Going deep into financial debt right off the bat is stupid. If she insists on having a $10,000 wedding ring immediately, then you should question whether she is mature enough to get married at this point.
I definetely agree. She's mentioned the "type" of ring she would like to have. Never the amount. Her friends boast about their rings in front of each other. When it's just her and I though, she makes it seem as if the size or cost of the ring doesnt really matter to her.
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Old 03-11-2013, 03:01 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Home Owners?.....

Three separate issues...

1 - Buy the house in your name. It can always be changed to include her later.

2 - Propose when you feel it's right. Nothing to do with the house.

3 - Buy a ring that you can afford... AFTER accounting for the house purchase. If she feels the ring is too small, that may tell you something about her.
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Old 03-11-2013, 03:21 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Lightbulb Re: Home Owners?.....

Howdy BigEasy:

Let me buck the trend of the response you’re getting to give you something to think about. Buying a house simply because you can or feel you're ready isn’t always the best thing to do.

Pragmatically you need to sit on the place 5—7 years for the deal to “wash out” and make purchase a better call over renting. Are you there yet? Hard to say.

I point this out because what I see with a lot of young (single/no children) individuals/couples is they want to get into homeownership, their budget is constrained and they wind up purchasing a one or two bedroom townhome/condo that fits their lifestyle (at the time) and then in one or two years they’re married, they want to (or do have a kid) and suddenly they realize – “hey, we need a bedroom for the kids, or a yard to play in or this isn’t such a good school district”.

Frankly, they loose money transitioning into a bigger home – notwithstanding the market of course, you’re going to need that 5—7 year cushion to at least break even.

I’d really evaluate where you’re going and what the goals are. My recommendation for someone looking to start a family is a 3-bedroom starter that is in as good a public school district as you can swing and which is also convenient with work. If you can swing that as a single man – it may be a good move. Keeping in mind spouses (present and future; husbands or wives) have specific ideas in what they are looking for in home as well.

I say “you” presently because I’m generally not a fan of joint ownership arrangements (even where/if you can) when you got people in a “non-business relationship”. There are exceptions of course, e.g., non-traditional relationships but by-and-large the relationship goes sour and what have you got? Two people that hate each other but own a house together. Also it’ll make the deal a whole lot more difficult to finance.

Speaking of which, be mindful the current national average credit score for home financing is 749 (more or less) which is totally crazy IMHO but it is what it is. I’d suggest going in to your banker, credit union, or friendly mortgage broker and having a look-see to what you can qualify for right now. And also see if you can get an estimate to what that picture would look like together and together as husband and wife.

And finally:
  1. I am a strong believer (especially when you undertake a note) in having an emergency fund of 3-6 months non-discretionary funds available – just in case you get laid off you’ve got some “wiggle-room” in getting a cash flow going again.
  2. I’ve always been a big believer (and since the mortgage crisis banks have again too) in the rule of 28% and 36% -- that is add up your mortgage payment (principal, interest, taxes and impounds) and any recurring debt payments (student loans, car notes, etc) divide that by your gross income and it should be no higher than 36% and ideally below 28%.

My opinions only. Your mileage may vary. Tax, title and license extra.
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Old 03-11-2013, 06:32 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Home Owners?.....

Put the house in your name. You can add her name to the house in the future. It's much easier to add her name then it is to take it off if things don't work out in the end.

My husband has his name on almost everything we own. The only thing I have in my name is the house. I really didn't care either way whether the house we built together was in my name or not, but hubby insisted. I did not move in with my husband in our last house before we married. I wasn't ready. He did ask me to move in once we engaged, but I declined.
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Old 03-11-2013, 09:20 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Home Owners?.....

The good thing about buying a house in your name alone before you get married is that if you divorce, she is not entitled to and portion of that house even in a community property state. What you purchase before marriage remains yours.

My advice is to buy before you get married.
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Old 03-11-2013, 09:32 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Home Owners?.....

Quote:
Her lease is up within the next couple months.
This is not a good enough reason to move someone into your house, and certainly not a good reason to propose.

Her parents not wanting her to "live in sin" is also not a good enough reason to propose.

You propose when you are ready and willing to make a lifetime commitment to someone. If that means waiting until you are on your feet financially after buying a house, then you wait. I'm sure if you discuss it with her, she will understand why you want to get things squared away and settled correctly, both financially and in your mind, before taking additional steps in your relationship.

Making a lot of big decisions at one time all in a rush when your head is spinning is generally not the best idea. Take it one thing at a time. Real love lasts, so there is no hurry to make a commitment.
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Old 03-13-2013, 10:27 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Home Owners?.....

friend at the gym was building a house,his girlfriend at the time was pestering him to put her name on the deed..funny how when he wouldn't do it, she dumped his azz
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