We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships »The Men's Clubhouse » We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.

The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

Like Tree93Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 03-12-2013, 07:44 AM   #1 (permalink)
MrK
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,853
Default We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.

That's a well kept ladies secret. I just hope the women teach their daughters. They will be marrying our son's.

Let me start by saying I hate that term. I give credit to Oprah for starting the conversation, but it unfortunately went away when (name your celebrity) adopted a new (name your favorite African adoption nationality) baby and we moved on to other concerns.

Plus, the name was bad. First, it implies that the wife actually left, "walked away", when the whole premise is that she left emotionally but physically stayed. Second, it implied that the wife had a choice and she DECIDED to leave the marriage. Nothing could be further from the truth.

So enough about the walk-away wife. We men need to teach our son's about push-away-husbands. I have said MANY times: nearly 100% of walk-away-wives will say they have told their husbands until they "are blue in the face" that their behavior was inappropriate. And nearly 100% of push-away-husbands are blindsided by "I don't love you any more because of it".

I am respectfully going to ask the ladies to stay away from this thread for a few days. We men need to figure out how to deal with this ourselves. PLEASE spare us the "how can you be such an idiot?" replies for a while. You might learn something by actually listening to us for a bit. Plus, this is the men's clubhouse. It's not an unfair request.

I had (yes, HAD) an explosive, scary temper. 99+% of my waking hours I was a happy, fun loving guy that was great to be around. But every so often I would explode. Add a few minutes to absorb the lingering effects, and it was over in 5 minutes. The blink of an eye in out collective waking hours. Surely my wife and kids KNEW that was not the real me and they forgave me, right?

I would say mean things to my wife. I have NO IDEA why I would put her down. I loved her with all of my heart. It is my one flaw that causes me to truly hate myself. My eyes are tearing up as I type this. How could I DO THAT to her? Degrading your wife takes 2 seconds. Not even a rounding error for what I did in that past HOUR, let alone my collective waking hours. Surely she knows that's not me. Surely she knows I really love her with all of my heart.

What we push-aways don't understand is that our loved ones DON'T know our minds. They don't know what's in our heads. All they see is the outward negativity. They don't know that we don't mean it. But mainly what we don't realize is that they walk around all day in fear of that couple of minutes of minutes of temper. My wife knows I am going to say something mean. It is a blink of an eye to us. It is the entire world to those we abuse. They live with that fear 24-7.

Son. If you ever, even ONCE, say to yourself "that was bad, but she'll forgive me because she loves me", take that as a MASSIVE warning flag that you are in for the ride of your life if you don't change. She WILL forgive you because she loves you. But what happens when that behavior causes her to not love you any more? Then she doesn't forgive you. Then the intimacy stops. The warmth stops. Then you try to fix it and realize she hasn't loved you for a long, long time. Then you realize it's too late...

Men. Please share what you've learned about yourself once your wife left. Tell us how you pushed her away. Tell us how you could have done it differently. Tell us how you changed. Tell us how you realized the importance of REALLY listening to your wife. Let's collectively learn how to teach our children.

For the record, I didn't need to change. My wife said something that made all the pieces fit together. Made me realize that the love and intimacy I had lost years ago and was desperately in the middle of trying to reclaim was gone FOREVER. And it was MY FAULT. My DNA changed. I was not ever going to engage in the behavior that caused my world to crash. NEVER. But it was too late.

We need to fix this. We need to teach our sons about it. I don't want ANY man to go through what I went through. What I CONTINUE to go through. Especially my boys and I am going to do everything in my power to prevent it.
MrK is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 03-12-2013, 10:05 AM   #2 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,385
Default Re: We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.

I will teach my son that no matter how well he treats a woman, she will sh!t all over him if he is not confident and assertive in his relationship. If he does not understand basic human sex drive and what attracts a woman (which is far from what she will admit attracts her) he will wind up like the multitudes of other betas, standing alone in the wind wondering how the hell he let this happen to him

Having kids shouldn't mean getting neutered, but that's what happened to me and my wife "walked away" from the most devoted spineless beta there ever was.
Disenchanted is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 10:29 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
tacoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,252
Default Re: We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.

I can't possibly disagree more with the huge generalizations in the OP
Posted via Mobile Device
tacoma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 11:01 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 1,043
Default Re: We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.

MrK

Your story sounds pretty much identical to mine. I can relate to what you're saying.

One observation is what we say to our sons and daughters has far less impact on them then the example we set. We have live what we say.
MaritimeGuy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 11:29 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2,860
Default Re: We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.

We also need to teach our sons that unless there is abuse or adultry, that the breakup of a marriage is never one sides complete fault...no matter what the woman says.
samyeagar is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 12:15 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
whatslovegottodowithit?'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 270
Default Re: We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.

Call me crazy, but why not just encourage our young men to come here and read the forums? Nothing is filtered and any naivety they may have will be shown in print full of emotion in one central place.
whatslovegottodowithit? is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 12:33 PM   #7 (permalink)
MrK
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,853
Default Re: We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
I can't possibly disagree more with the huge generalizations in the OP
Posted via Mobile Device
Please explain.
MrK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 12:58 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 419
Default Re: We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Disenchanted View Post
I will teach my son that no matter how well he treats a woman, she will sh!t all over him if he is not confident and assertive in his relationship. If he does not understand basic human sex drive and what attracts a woman (which is far from what she will admit attracts her) he will wind up like the multitudes of other betas, standing alone in the wind wondering how the hell he let this happen to him

.
This.
I won't even phrase it in a way specific to dealing with women, probably. Just something along the lines of: "Never, ever, ever compromise your ideals. Stay firm in your beliefs. Be a man of faith - in yourself and in something higher. Set a course in life and follow it."
SoWhat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 02:50 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 222
Default Re: We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrK View Post
We men need to teach our son's about push-away-husbands.

I am respectfully going to ask the ladies to stay away from this thread for a few days.
Great subject and one in which I have experience, alas I am a woman so let me know when I am allowed to post on this thread.
Red Sonja is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 03:44 PM   #10 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,385
Default Re: We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Sonja View Post
let me know when I am allowed
exactly
Disenchanted is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 10:15 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,839
Default Re: We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.

So MRK, how did your marriage turn out? Are y'all still together? If so, did she go back to being affectionet?
Thound is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-13-2013, 10:09 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 139
Default Re: We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.

Waiting for the girls to get the green light to join in.

No bashing from me!!!!
bailingout is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-13-2013, 10:22 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,839
Default Re: We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.

My son will be taught lessons about the walk aways,the users,the crazies in disguise,the borderlines,the narcissists,the daddy issue gals,the golddigger crowd,the wannabe princesses,the I know I just met you but let's have a baby group,the "he's just a friend" crew,and the many other forms of rotten females.
That will be in addition to pointing out traits of the keepers
ScarletBegonias is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-13-2013, 10:28 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,839
Default Re: We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.

oops.I'm a lady,I'll delete my comment if you want
ScarletBegonias is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-13-2013, 10:30 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,394
Default Re: We can't teach our son's about walk-away-wives.

I am going to teach my sons to love themselves more than they love another. That respect is not a negotiation.
Posted via Mobile Device
richie33 is online now   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Walk Away Wives-Would you care if he started dating? MrK General Relationship Discussion 39 12-14-2013 08:27 AM
Walk away wife will not walk away? Shootables Considering Divorce or Separation 38 07-02-2012 01:43 PM
Someone teach me how to be a man. Please Cleanshave General Relationship Discussion 10 01-05-2012 05:39 PM
Wayward vs. Walk-a-way Wives marksaysay Coping with Infidelity 32 04-26-2011 07:08 AM
How to teach a child to... LaBella The Family & Parenting Forums 18 07-21-2009 09:06 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:28 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage