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Old 03-12-2013, 09:57 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Looking at women

Dear married men, I am an unmarried man trying to understand my own feelings as I contemplate how to handle a proposal ultimatum from my girlfriend.

When a woman passes by who I find at least somewhat attractive, I follow her with my gaze. Hoping, I think, to make eye contact, or maybe just to see whether she is as attractive as I thought she was at first glance. Not inspecting her butt or anything, but I want to know if she has a pretty face.

Sometimes, I find myself doing this even when I am with my girlfriend.

Is this a bad sign? Or is this a "reflex" you experience in spite of your happy marriage, and just part of being a warm-blooded man?
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Old 03-12-2013, 10:07 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Every straight man, ever, in the history of everything.
You'll learn to be more subtle but you'll never stop. Blame God.
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Old 03-12-2013, 10:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I agree with SoWhat. It's normal but if you don't want to catch hell for it, be less obvious. Seems like you're doing it quite often if your GF has mentioned an "ultimatum"... Which was???
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Old 03-12-2013, 10:27 PM   #4 (permalink)
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It's totally normal to look at an attractive woman, but following her with your gaze, hoping to make eye contact, is pretty disrespectful if you're doing this whilst with your GF.
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Old 03-12-2013, 10:40 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Looking at women

Every man i know does this. H3ll, when a hot guy is walking by, i check him out too.
The difference, i dont STARE, i continue a conversation without pausing mid sentance, i dont slobber down my chin (usually) and my mouth doesnt drop open.

Just be discreet.
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Old 03-12-2013, 10:47 PM   #6 (permalink)
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The trick for us is that the wife picks the girls.

"On your left at the meat department"

"Coming down the stairs with the red hot pants"

And what both of us found really funny is that Dr. Phil's wife does the same thing. That's a pretty good recommendation.


I don't slink and hide. I smile at them and might even say hello. She picks the best looking check-out girl at the grocery store and we almost always make some joke out of it.

I'll tell my wife in front of the check-out girl "She's flirting with me" or some other silly thing and it never fails to make them smile or offer a joke in return.
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Old 03-12-2013, 10:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
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The pair of you have a problem. You stare in order to make eye contact, what the heck for? You have a GF why do you need this sort of connection with other women?

She has given you an ultimatum. OK IMO ultimatums are a form of control, better to compromise.

My partner checks out other women, it is all good by me because I want a hot blooded man by my side. If he were to follow them with his gaze and try and make eye contact with them I would find that very off putting.
I check out other guys, it is no big deal but some respect goes along way. Gazing for eye contact, nope not a good thing.
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Old 03-12-2013, 10:54 PM   #8 (permalink)
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IMHO it sounds like you may have poor boundaries because you instinctively try to make eye contact. Please don't have a bachelor party.
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Old 03-12-2013, 10:58 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I get wanting to see if she checks you out too or gives you 'a look'.

But this smacks of neediness. I know. I used to be that way.

What I did was start to work on myself in confidence and in physical attractiveness to BE looked at and approached...and I no longer needed to pray that she would want me.

Be subtle. Desire their reaction less. Be confident. Appreciated the fact that you have someone who wants you enough to be a bit controlling.

But don't knuckle under without careful consideration.
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Old 03-12-2013, 11:01 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Looking is fine/normal/healthy...trying to get eye contact and prolonging the stare is disrespectful to your GF and I doubt the other woman will enjoy it either. I know that kind of thing is unwelcome in my world and I'd think you were an absolute and complete cad if your GF was sitting next you.

It's really humiliating to be with a man who does this... makes your women feeling like cr*p.
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Old 03-12-2013, 11:24 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Thanks for your responses. Sounds like the symptoms fit the diagnosis of being male!

@Wiserforit: what a fun way for you two to manage this instinct :-)

I am covert about this when I am with my girlfriend. But the urge to look is something fierce.

The ultimatum in question is that in the next few months I must propose or ship out. But that is a whole other story. I am just trying to "notice" things about my behavior that might help me understand my feelings. Apparently this one is non-diagnostic.
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Old 03-12-2013, 11:32 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by magnus View Post
Thanks for your responses. Sounds like the symptoms fit the diagnosis of being male!

@Wiserforit: what a fun way for you two to manage this instinct :-)

I am covert about this when I am with my girlfriend. But the urge to look is something fierce.

The ultimatum in question is that in the next few months I must propose or ship out. But that is a whole other story. I am just trying to "notice" things about my behavior that might help me understand my feelings. Apparently this one is non-diagnostic.
I would be thinking seriously about shipping out. Don't ever let someone force you into marriage.
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Old 03-12-2013, 11:34 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by magnus View Post
Thanks for your responses. Sounds like the symptoms fit the diagnosis of being male!
Or female. Women notice the attractiveness of other men, too, Magnus, but most of us know better than to be obvious about it

I doubt that many men would be happy with his partner trying to catch the eye of other men when they are out. If she did, and the other man returned her gaze and smiled back, it's my guess that most men would be livid.

Discretion is all that's needed
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Old 03-12-2013, 11:50 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Reading these responses further, it seems I may have focused only on the ones consistent with what I wanted to believe. So then, it is equally possible I am having trouble closing off the idea of other women as potential partners, as FalconKing might suggest. My concern is that part of me is saying "I am not ready for this" or "you are looking for your true partner".

Don't worry, I am not doing this in a manner disrespectful to my girlfriend or the women in question. It is the origin of this behavior within me of this behavior I feel is of biggest concern. Or not of concern.

Thanks again for your responses.

@Holland, I am giving that thought, but I don't hold this against her. For various reasons I won't go into here, I feel her need for commitment is reasonable.
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Old 03-13-2013, 09:52 AM   #15 (permalink)
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invest in sunglasses
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