Situational Insanity
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Old 03-13-2013, 08:59 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Question Situational Insanity

Hello guys! I come to you to ask for advice, opinions, thoughts, etc... I am in a relationship that has lasted for 13 yrs. Throughout these 13 years, he has had problems with ED and premature ejaculation. We are talking less than 30 seconds here. Frequency of sex doesn't seem to help. He's been on testosterone replacement, viagra, cialis, prozac, zoloft. All of these helped some, little or none. Where I get confused is he only ejaculates quickly if he is inside me. A hand job or oral does not do it (and I know it isn't due to my lack of skill). He also does not masturbate, EVER. Says he has no interest, and when he tried, ONCE, it didn't work. I have worked with him and been understanding for all these years. I have never been rude or critical. But I'm now at the point that I just feel like shutting down. It's like, after a long day, what's the point for 30 seconds. I never feel satisfied afterwards, Never! Not once! In 13 yrs. I love him and I know he loves me, but this lack of intimacy is taking a horrible toll. Also, I asked him to touch my face when he kisses me because that feels intimate to me. His response was "I don't see the face as seductive" In a weird way that kinda sums up our sex life. We are never on the same page. What do you guys think of this situation? What can I do to help things? Thank you for any and all input.
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Old 03-13-2013, 12:57 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Situational Insanity

Does he get you off manually or orally? If not, then YOU are the problem for not insisting on getting pleasure before him.

If he doesn't and refuses to, it's time to tell him he isn't cutting it and maybe it's time to move on.
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Old 03-18-2013, 08:21 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Situational Insanity

I'm with Chris. Your man needs to step up and deal with this. Its not fair to you (or himself). If he won't deal with his issue and won't make sure you're getting taken care of then you allowing this to go one is on....you.

Last edited by Shoto1984; 03-19-2013 at 07:35 AM.
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Old 03-19-2013, 02:28 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Situational Insanity

Life is what you make it.

How about a quickie before he leaves for work and then attack him upon his return? And yes I know he'll be quick the first time but may have a bit more staying power on the second.
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Old 03-19-2013, 08:46 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Situational Insanity

That seems a bit strange that the ED is only situational. That he doesn't have "staying power" issues when it's non PIV sex. I mean, generally, when one has a problem - it's a problem no matter what.

So - the problem here potentially mental rather than physical? Rather than medical professionals, has he ever gone to talk to a sex therapist? The fact that he doesn't masturbate might be a sign of some kind of repression or hang-up he needs to let go of.
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Old 03-19-2013, 09:37 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Situational Insanity

Not to be totally unhelpful but I am amazed that you've been able to go for 13 years on 30 seconds at a time. I would be squirming on the floor in a corner somewhere. Hats off to you for your patience.
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Old 03-20-2013, 02:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Situational Insanity

Quote:
Originally Posted by BelladonnaRN View Post
Hello guys! I come to you to ask for advice, opinions, thoughts, etc... I am in a relationship that has lasted for 13 yrs. Throughout these 13 years, he has had problems with ED and premature ejaculation. We are talking less than 30 seconds here. Frequency of sex doesn't seem to help. He's been on testosterone replacement, viagra, cialis, prozac, zoloft. All of these helped some, little or none. Where I get confused is he only ejaculates quickly if he is inside me. A hand job or oral does not do it (and I know it isn't due to my lack of skill). He also does not masturbate, EVER. Says he has no interest, and when he tried, ONCE, it didn't work. I have worked with him and been understanding for all these years. I have never been rude or critical. But I'm now at the point that I just feel like shutting down. It's like, after a long day, what's the point for 30 seconds. I never feel satisfied afterwards, Never! Not once! In 13 yrs. I love him and I know he loves me, but this lack of intimacy is taking a horrible toll. Also, I asked him to touch my face when he kisses me because that feels intimate to me. His response was "I don't see the face as seductive" In a weird way that kinda sums up our sex life. We are never on the same page. What do you guys think of this situation? What can I do to help things? Thank you for any and all input.
Wow. Sorry to hear about your situation. I applaud you for toughing things out so far. Based on your comments, it seems as though he has tried to address the issue with medication. But his comment about not finding the face as seductive seems to indicate a lack of sensitivity and a bit of selfishness in trying to provide you with sexual fulfillment.
Have you ever had a serious conversation with him about the issue? Not in a condemning or accusing way, just a conversation to try and dig into the possible causes. Obviously, there is something about PIV sex that sends him over the edge way too easily. I do know that there are behavioral methods that can be used (stop and squeeze) as part of counseling that has had some success. Have you guys ever considered counseling? A certified therapist can likely offer some suggestions to help.
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