03-20-2013, 02:52 PM
Join Date: Mar 2012
| | Re: Situational Insanity
Originally Posted by BelladonnaRN
Hello guys! I come to you to ask for advice, opinions, thoughts, etc... I am in a relationship that has lasted for 13 yrs. Throughout these 13 years, he has had problems with ED and premature ejaculation. We are talking less than 30 seconds here. Frequency of sex doesn't seem to help. He's been on testosterone replacement, viagra, cialis, prozac, zoloft. All of these helped some, little or none. Where I get confused is he only ejaculates quickly if he is inside me. A hand job or oral does not do it (and I know it isn't due to my lack of skill). He also does not masturbate, EVER. Says he has no interest, and when he tried, ONCE, it didn't work. I have worked with him and been understanding for all these years. I have never been rude or critical. But I'm now at the point that I just feel like shutting down. It's like, after a long day, what's the point for 30 seconds. I never feel satisfied afterwards, Never! Not once! In 13 yrs. I love him and I know he loves me, but this lack of intimacy is taking a horrible toll. Also, I asked him to touch my face when he kisses me because that feels intimate to me. His response was "I don't see the face as seductive" In a weird way that kinda sums up our sex life. We are never on the same page. What do you guys think of this situation? What can I do to help things? Thank you for any and all input.
Wow. Sorry to hear about your situation. I applaud you for toughing things out so far. Based on your comments, it seems as though he has tried to address the issue with medication. But his comment about not finding the face as seductive seems to indicate a lack of sensitivity and a bit of selfishness in trying to provide you with sexual fulfillment.
Have you ever had a serious conversation with him about the issue? Not in a condemning or accusing way, just a conversation to try and dig into the possible causes. Obviously, there is something about PIV sex that sends him over the edge way too easily. I do know that there are behavioral methods that can be used (stop and squeeze) as part of counseling that has had some success. Have you guys ever considered counseling? A certified therapist can likely offer some suggestions to help.
"Merely falling short of your ideals is not hypocrisy, it's humanity. We are all fallen. We are all sinners. We are all carved from the crooked timber of humanity." - Jonah Goldberg
"Fallacies do not cease being fallacies when they become fashions". - G.K. Chesterton