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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships »The Men's Clubhouse » Young, Married and bored with sex...

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Old 03-13-2013, 02:19 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Young, Married and bored with sex...

So I am only 22 and have been married for a little over a year to a girl i have been dating for awhile. I am in the military, so i do travel quite a bit. When I am out I do find other women attractive. But for some reason I do not find my wife sexually attractive anymore. She is beautiful. I do love her. But i feel myself thinking about who I could have. Is my mind just too messed up, always wanting something better? Is there a way i could change it. Is there something i could do, something she could do?
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Old 03-13-2013, 02:29 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Young, Married and bored with sex...

You got married too soon.

But you are married now. Keep it in your pants.

Are there children?

If not decide whether you are going to stay married or not. If not then divorce her and F your brains out. But do not screw around on her.

If you decide you want to work on the marriage you need to actually spend time with your wife and when you are away you need to keep what you do marriage friendly. It is normal to be attracted to other women. But this is all in the head. The head on your shoulders.

I was in the military for eight years myself.

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Old 03-13-2013, 02:31 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Young, Married and bored with sex...

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You got married too soon.

But you are married now. Keep in your pants. Decide whether you are going to stay married or not. if not then divorce here and F your brains out. But do not screw around on her.
Listen to the word of Entropy.
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Old 03-13-2013, 09:33 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Young, Married and bored with sex...

I think a lot of married guys have your thoughts and wonder how it would be to screw other girls. Since you are young, you might not have given yourself time to have those experiences and mess around, to get it out of your system.

At this point, if you don't have kids, if it really bothers you that much, divorce and do what you want.
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Old 03-14-2013, 02:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Young, Married and bored with sex...

"Too Soon" is what i hear a lot. But I have had my fun. I have slept around and even that got boring. That is why i decided to settle down. I am not regretting it at all. There are no kids involved. She does see that there is a problem but divorce isn't even on her mind. But she does not put in the work to fix, or even find out what the problem is.
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Old 03-14-2013, 03:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Young, Married and bored with sex...

I too got married at about the same age. It lasted 10 years. I also was the type to have a lot of fun with other women.

I am now divorced and 34 - those thoughts never go away as a guy. You will always look at other women like that - it is a natural instinct.

You have to talk to her and communicate about your sex life. Why is it boring? I agree do not run around on her. That isn't fair to her.

Our sex life got the same way and so did many of my friends. The trouble was we thought we knew all about deep meaningful stuff like that in our early 20's but we really didn't. It should be fantastic with your wife.

And when did the thoughts start to change? I did that as well when i first got married - but my thinking was backwards.

You have some things to consider and dig down and figure out what has caused these thoughts/issues.

Good luck

Joe
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Old 03-14-2013, 05:31 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Young, Married and bored with sex...

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Originally Posted by troubledmind View Post
So I am only 22 and have been married for a little over a year to a girl i have been dating for awhile. I am in the military, so i do travel quite a bit. When I am out I do find other women attractive. But for some reason I do not find my wife sexually attractive anymore. She is beautiful. I do love her. But i feel myself thinking about who I could have. Is my mind just too messed up, always wanting something better? Is there a way i could change it. Is there something i could do, something she could do?
You haven't had enough time together. You need to spend time together doing things weekly to bond. As you do things together that will help with maturing together. Travelling is not helping that. There are more needs that both of you need to be fulfilled too.

Read what a marriage looks like, see if you can do this. It's an easy manual to read.

His Needs, Her Needs : Willard F. Jr. Harley

I also agree with E3, don't cheat and complicate things. If you can't stay married, D.
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Last edited by anchorwatch; 03-14-2013 at 05:36 PM. Reason: big fingers, small tablet
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Old 03-14-2013, 08:09 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Young, Married and bored with sex...

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Is my mind just too messed up, always wanting something better? Is there a way i could change it. Is there something i could do, something she could do?
Well these are the million dollar questions.


To help work through them, I'll start with one of my favorite quotes:

The foremost of all illusions is that anything can ever satisfy anybody. That illusion stands behind all that is unendurable in life and in front of all progress, and it is one of the most difficult things to overcome.

We must recognize that we are not wired to feel 'lasting' contentment. Because that would be a very dangerous thing in Nature...think about it.

Thirst is 'discontentment'...and it motivates you to search for water.

Hunger is 'discontentment'...and it makes you 'hunt' for food.

Sexual Desire is 'discontentment'...and it makes you seek a mate and perpetuate the species.

These 'discontentments' all result in motivating you to extend some type of effort that will bring you temporary relief. But temporary is the key word. If these urges were permanently satisfied you would die.

Alas, in our comfortable modern society all of our primal drives are satisfied so easily (well, except maybe the last one)...that we're left with this feeling of 'longing'...this 'void'...and a bunch of free time to sit around thinking about it...and trying to find things to 'fill' it.

In general, if one can recognize that this permanent underlying sense of dissatisfaction is just ' a part of being a living creature'...hopefully we don't have to continue treating it like a curable problem...and going through drugs, careers, women, stuff and whatever else in a futile attempt to secure lasting satisfaction.


So...there's that.


So what you've got to decide is if that is your issue...or if it's a fixable, solvable "real" issue at play here.

Hopefully, you can do this on your own. I'd need more details about your marriage and its dynamics to form an opinion.

But regardless of what's causing your lack of satisfaction in this marriage...a general awareness of what I've mentioned will hopefully be beneficial going forward in life.

(kinda wish I had discovered that earlier myself)
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Old 03-14-2013, 08:17 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Young, Married and bored with sex...

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Originally Posted by troubledmind View Post
"Too Soon" is what i hear a lot. But I have had my fun. I have slept around and even that got boring. That is why i decided to settle down. I am not regretting it at all. There are no kids involved. She does see that there is a problem but divorce isn't even on her mind. But she does not put in the work to fix, or even find out what the problem is.
Have you?

Have you put in the work to fix?
Have you tried to find out what the problem is?

You're the one wondering what else you could have. What else do you want, besides other women? Are you bored with the military? Are you bored with yourself? Are you bored with your life?
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Old 03-14-2013, 08:26 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Young, Married and bored with sex...

She doesn't need to "find out" what the problem is, you need to TELL her. This is not 20 questions, its your marriage. Does she know there is a problem? What needs to be fixed on her part. Is she looking at other men?

You have not told us why you are bored, just that other women are exciting. The initial lust has worn off, and now you are bored? Trying to understand. does she not want to be intimate with you? Tell us more, tell us more.
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Old 03-14-2013, 08:51 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Young, Married and bored with sex...

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Originally Posted by troubledmind View Post
So I am only 22 and have been married for a little over a year to a girl i have been dating for awhile. I am in the military, so i do travel quite a bit. When I am out I do find other women attractive. But for some reason I do not find my wife sexually attractive anymore. She is beautiful. I do love her. But i feel myself thinking about who I could have. Is my mind just too messed up, always wanting something better? Is there a way i could change it. Is there something i could do, something she could do?
Well, it's time to be a man. For your wife.
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