Is my mind just too messed up, always wanting something better? Is there a way i could change it. Is there something i could do, something she could do?
Well these are the million dollar questions.
To help work through them, I'll start with one of my favorite quotes: The foremost of all illusions is that anything can ever satisfy anybody. That illusion stands behind all that is unendurable in life and in front of all progress, and it is one of the most difficult things to overcome.
We must recognize that we are not wired to feel 'lasting' contentment. Because that would be a very dangerous thing in Nature...think about it.
Thirst is 'discontentment'...and it motivates you to search for water.
Hunger is 'discontentment'...and it makes you 'hunt' for food.
Sexual Desire is 'discontentment'...and it makes you seek a mate and perpetuate the species.
These 'discontentments' all result in motivating you to extend some type of effort that will bring you temporary relief. But temporary is the key word.
If these urges were permanently satisfied you would die.
Alas, in our comfortable modern society all of our primal drives are satisfied so easily (well, except maybe the last one)...that we're left with this feeling of 'longing'...this 'void'...and a bunch of free time to sit around thinking about it...and trying to find things to 'fill' it.
In general, if one can recognize that this permanent underlying sense of dissatisfaction is just ' a part of being a living creature'...hopefully we don't have to continue treating it like a curable problem...and going through drugs, careers, women, stuff and whatever else in a futile attempt to secure lasting satisfaction.
So what you've got to decide is if that
is your issue...or if it's a fixable, solvable "real" issue at play here.
Hopefully, you can do this on your own. I'd need more details about your marriage and its dynamics to form an opinion.
But regardless of what's causing your lack of satisfaction in this marriage...a general awareness of what I've mentioned will hopefully be beneficial going forward in life.
(kinda wish I had discovered that earlier myself)