Is porn okay in a marriage?
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Old 03-15-2013, 08:41 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Is porn okay in a marriage?

Hello,

I need advice. My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years. We've been married for 3 1/2 years and we have two young children.

Our sex life has never been great. For the most part we always have sex in the living room or bedroom. The worst part is my husband doesnt do much, he lays on his back and expects me to do every. I enjoy sex and I like to have fun, but my husband doesnt really do much. Not sure how much I can say on here, but I do everytrhing to please my husband and he doesnt even try to please me.

I caught my husband looking at porn when we first started dating. I did not like him looking at porn. I felt it lead to problems in the relationship. However, I learned to look past it and allow my husband to view porn and not say anything. I believe he was looking at porn once a week. It wasnt everyday.

However, a year ago just after I had our 2nd baby my husband cheated on me for a year until I found out. He tells me there was no connection to the girl and it was only sex. Im working on healing from the pain, but it's taking a long time. I do not trust him!!! My husband went to a therapist for a little while and he was told he had a sex addition. My husband denied it and stopped going.

So, now I'm trying to be more open about porn. I told my husband we could watch it together every now and then. My husband could look at porn EVERY night and now ask me to look at porn every night. I told him I'm open to watching porn, but not every night maybe once a week or every other week. I believe porn has damaged my husbands brain. My husband likes very large breast and porn is the only thing that pleases him. The only thing that truly pleases my husband is me watching porn with him, he lays back and I do everything.

How do I handle this? Am I wrong? Should I be more open about porn?

I'm at the point I dont know what to do. I want to fix the problem, but honestly I feel it is my husband that has the problem and does not see it as a problem. I'm debating whether to continue to try or tell him to go to therapy or we get divorced.

Confused Girl
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Old 03-15-2013, 08:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is porn okay in a marriage?

You seem more upset about him looking at porn than him cheating on you.
Stop watching it if you dont like it. Watching it every day and night will warp his mind. I can't imagine this is great on your self esteem. He sounds like he has a problem and needs to continue therapy.
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Old 03-15-2013, 10:38 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is porn okay in a marriage?

Porn isn't OK if it interferes with your marital sex life.

The fact that he likes big breast porn means nothing. Different people like different porn styles.

However it sounds like your sex like took a hit way before. If he never does anything, that's YOUR fault. Insist that he does... insist that he takes care of you. Get your orgasm before he gets his.

Take some control over the bedroom situation. I don't think porn is the issue here.
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Old 03-15-2013, 11:26 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is porn okay in a marriage?

While porn is now a problem in your relationship I don't think it's the underlying issue. It seems he's conditioned to being serviced by you without any expectation he needs to consider making you feel good. I would think that is the main issue here.
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Old 03-15-2013, 06:21 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is porn okay in a marriage?

Thank you everyone! I appreciate the honest feedback. I've tried to take control and tell him what i want and need. However, he puts it back on me that I'm trying to control him. I am not a controling person, but I feel like I need to be.

PS.... I got breast implants years ago and now he wants them to be larger.... size DD-E.
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Old 03-15-2013, 06:28 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is porn okay in a marriage?

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Originally Posted by mountaingirl00 View Post
Thank you everyone! I appreciate the honest feedback. I've tried to take control and tell him what i want and need. However, he puts it back on me that I'm trying to control him. I am not a controling person, but I feel like I need to be.

PS.... I got breast implants years ago and now he wants them to be larger.... size DD-E.
Don't get bigger implants unless YOU want them.

It may be time to re-evaluate what you both want.. it seems clear he has an issue if porn is a must in your relationship.
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Old 03-23-2013, 06:13 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Is porn okay in a marriage?

Don't get bigger implants and if he doesn't take care of you and refuses it, has cheated on you, and might have a sex addiction, I'd start getting ready to leave. You deserve a man who at least tries to please you in bed. Sex isn't everything in marriage but it's a big part. So is fidelity. I personally don't enjoy porn as it's too much for me, but have been open to it in our marriage. In 7 years we saw it like 10 times. I dunno, I'm being judgmental, but your husband sounds like a selfish ass. Start reevaluating your relationship as a whole. Don't settle.
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Old 03-23-2013, 06:30 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is porn okay in a marriage?

Judgmental? You were being kind... OP you deserve respect for who you are. Think of the climate and values for your kids.
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Old 03-23-2013, 06:47 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is porn okay in a marriage?

Just an observation.
You seem to be making quite a lot of concessions for this man.

1] You were not ok with porn before marriage, but you still married him.
2]During the marriage you both tacitly agreed to once a week, and he broke it.
3]During your pregnancy , he cheated with another woman , and you forgave him, even though you are still dealing with the hurt an pain.
4]Now his porn usage is every night ,and he wants you to " do everything " during sex.
5] You are considering getting breast implants in order to try to please his taste in porn. What if after the implants his taste in porn changes to young 18 yr old girls?

My dear,
you need to sit back and take a good , hard , look at your marriage and your dear husband's lack of respect , for you.
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Old 03-30-2013, 02:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is porn okay in a marriage?

Depends so much on how the woman sees porn.

When we first started dating my wife had a few adult movies and sometimes we'd watch them, laugh and get busy!

Porn has never been an issue for her but for some women it's tantamount to cheating.
Different strokes....
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Old 03-30-2013, 02:40 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is porn okay in a marriage?

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Originally Posted by mountaingirl00 View Post
I'm debating whether to continue to try or tell him to go to therapy or we get divorced.

Confused Girl
No need to debate hon. Case closed. Therapy or divorce.

He's going to resist therapy. Because he knows he is abusing you. This isn't about porn.

For future reference, I was not looking at porn after my wife and I moved in together. She is the one who started it, and so long as she is in control of it, it is a big turn-on for her. But if I ever look at something alone without her explicit permission, she gets very jealous - and she checks my internet history. That may be an approach that will work for you with a different guy.
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