Need some advice from the fellas
First time poster. I need some advice and I apologize for this being so long. I'm hoping someone can give me some pearls of wisdom. I've been married almost 3 years (first marriage for both), together almost 5. My wife was 3 months pregnant when I met her. The first time I talked to her, I didn't know she was pregnant, but I could tell she was going to change my life. Everything was great the first year of our marriage (companionship, intimacy, sex, communication). Then, my mom passed away 14 months into our marriage. When something terribly tragic happens, I do what I've always done: stay extremely busy and somewhat withdraw. My wife was supportive and "checked up" on me for all of 3 weeks. I'm not a wuss, but gradually I began to build resentment for her lack of even asking me how I was doing. I went as far to point this out to her and tell her I needed her support. But, nothing. Then, about 18 months into our marriage, intercourse came to a screeching halt. As did communication. I tried to communicate, but got nowhere. We still had oral sex once in a while, but that was usually after much frustration has mounted. Then, due to our lack of communication issues, I didn't find a whole lot to celebrate for our 2nd wedding anniversary. That really pissed her off and she resented me for that. All of this time, I was sporadically being critical and an a-hole (however, I would always turn around and apologize and comfort her). I was frustrated that this is what our marriage had come to. We had never been this way toward each other and I felt like we were waging a lengthy battle towards one another. I continuously got worse about not wanting to do anything together (date night, vacation, etc.) and her resentment continued to build. I tried several times to talk to her. Then, August of last year, she wanted to separate because she no longer had feelings for me. I talked her into giving me another chance, so she stayed. Then, this past November, separation came up again. I tried once to talk her out of it, but after that, I told her to go. She stayed at her mom's till the middle of February.
During separation, I tried to use my time wisely and work on myself. I found a balance between work and home. I went to a psychiatrist to help me get a handle on my anger/criticism outbursts. I had never been like that in my life, so I was frustrated with myself. Dr. told me I had bpd. Normally, I'm an upbeat, happy dude, so this came as a surprise. I got medicated and found that I don't have the anger outbursts anymore. My wife stated that she saw the change in me and wanted to give our marriage another try, so I guess that was my valentines gift.
I am happy to have her and my daughter home. We get along like we did before my mom passed away. We have date night, go do things, etc. But, alas, the intercourse issue is rearing it's ugly head again. She has claimed that she has no desire for sex. But, I feel that I'm giving up. I have encouraged her to go to a therapist (I'd go with her if she'd like), to not make sex complicated, not feel pressure, etc.
But, I feel that she doesn't make any effort at all do anything about this issue. I get the same old excuses. I'm somewhat depressed over this. I might add that I'm beginning to see that the only time she shows any enthusiasm about life is when we buy something new...we're getting a new dog, so she's riding that wave of excitement currently. But the new will become the old, right?
I don't mean for this to be a rant and I'm sure my thoughts are all over the place. I just need some advice about: a. should I try to hang in there and keep this marriage or b. come to an understanding that it's not working.
I appreciate any advice or criticism.