I'm going to assume that reasonable communication and other peaceful solutions have been attempted and failed. I'll also assume that she is refusing to communicate. Keeping that in mind consider the following:
Sadclown said: "To the person that sais quit doing his wife's laundry, do you know what kind of hell and wrath that will bring to him?"
I used to believe this, and now I believe that its total loser talk. If you've already given up mentally, how are you going to win physically?
The reason you are in this predicament is because SHE KNOWS that YOU BELIEVE that the consequences for disobedience will be more severe than doing the work.
Continuing down this road will lead you to a bad place. Suddenly you will never be allowed to eat meat, watch sports, buy toys, or see friends without her express approval.
First off, you need to break that cycle IMMEDIATELY. Its tough at first because she will go above and beyond to outlast you. She'll throw tantrums, withhold sex, pout, silent treatment... so on trying to crack you. If she succeeds and you fold, you just undermined yourself for life and she'll know she can outlast you.
She needs to believe, through YOU demonstrating as fact, that her tantrums, pouting, and passive attitude will NOT be acceptable. DO NOT under ANY circumstances be a jerk about it because your message will be lost.
Just calmly but ASSERTIVELY
say that you do not feel the situation is fair, and if she
is still unwilling
, that you will no longer be the butler.
This is a superb, but non-confrontational phrasing of your sentiment. It is not blaming her, and it is not limiting the solution. It is merely saying that you feel things are unfair, that communication is necessary, and that you will no longer be the lackey.
Then your ACTIONS
must support your words.
The trick to dealing with selfish and lazy people is to ensure that the consequences for non-compliance are immediate, direct, and severe.
The laundry is a good start. Here's another one just for an example: lets say you had kids and it was her job to put them to bed. If she rushes through it, short story, no lullaby... then the kids are back down bugging her.
What does she value that you currently do? What do you value that she currently avoids? Know what is going to drive your point home in a manner that she can't deal with. Some more ideas:
- If she never helps with cooking/cleaning, then start making frozen pizza and buffalo wings and eating off paper plates. If she doesn't feel that dinner is up to her standards, she can make her own and clean up after it.
- Stop vacuuming, Period.
- Rub a little catnip in some of her clothes. The cats will go nuts
Then memorize the following phrases:
- If I had some help with <Chore 1> then I'd have had time to do <Chore 2>
- <Chore> just isn't important to me.
And constantly ask her for help with this and that. Ask her the night before, very nicely, if she could <chore> while you are at work because you <excuse>.
Take care to memorize EXACTLY what excuses she uses when you ask her to help and use those against her.
Its really true sometimes: once you say "I do" they say "I don't".