Please..some perspective? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-16-2009, 11:44 AM Thread Starter
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Please..some perspective?

I have been married to the same woman for 23 years. I had an affair a few years ago and thought we had moved past it, although there are occasional issues. Recently, she had become more distant and continued requests to talk about what was going on went unanswered. In fact, she said we had no problem. I was desperate to find out what was going on and hatched a scheme to contact her via email as someone she had known in the past. No relationship or sexual experience with this person, only an attraction years ago. The first email was just typical of someone catching up. Next, I wrote (as the guy) that I had always been attracted to her. She wrote back that she and her husband (me) had been having problems of late and if he could set aside his friendship with me, she would like to talk about it.
So far, so good. It looked as though I had found a way in. I wrote back that I was no expert but I would try to help. Her reply was bumped up a notch. She replied she had always been attracted to me and was disappointed nothing had ever happened. I then raised the stakes and basically said I always thought I (the guy) could have had her. Was I right and what about now? Her reply? Nothing has changed and she is very hot now. His (my) reply? I need to see see (sex) you now or tomorrow. Her reply? It would take some planning but she was on vacation next week...wish it could be now.

Well, this all took place in one hour of the first reply. After her last response, I rush home and went in the house where she knew as soon as she saw me. She was furious...said I set her up.

We are trying but she acts like she did almost nothing wrong and that I am the cause of it all. I remember how I hurt when I betrayed her and I see none of that in her. What gives? A little help would be good, because I am hurting.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-16-2009, 04:08 PM
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Re: Please..some perspective?

See, you have no moral high ground. The bond you broke was never really repaired by you.

So now you press her seemingly to you as that other guy into admitting she wants sex with him?

My guess is she knew it was you all along or no longer feels connected to you since you cheated and wiped away that bond between you.

You really have no right to be angry with her at all.
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-16-2009, 09:49 PM
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Re: Please..some perspective?

Your first mistake was having an affair. Your second was thinking you had grown past it. never grow past it. Ever. She may "forgive" you..but she will never forget the pain you caused. Third : setting her up. How ironic to be set up to cheat by a cheater. Obviously she had grown distant from you because she had not forgiven you for you cheating. It appears she thought she could work through it and found out she couldnt. All of this is your fault. All is on you. Welcome to the world of being a cheater. Keep your seatbelt buckled and your arms and legs inside the ride at all times.

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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-17-2009, 09:11 AM
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Re: Please..some perspective?

Originally Posted by alphaorange View Post
I have been married to the same woman for 23 years. I had an affair a few years ago and thought we had moved past it,.
apparently you have moved past it but she hasn't.

Amazing to me she stayed in the marriage after that.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-17-2009, 09:20 AM
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Re: Please..some perspective?

Was what she said to "him" bad/wrong/ Sure

Was what you did by setting her up just as bad? Yup.

Sorry man, sounds like someone has some jealousy issues since they cheated. You sound like you think since you cheated that she will cheat "back" and you conjured up a scheme to find out.

She was wrong for saying the stuff she did to "him", but you are just as wrong, if not more, for setting her up...ESPECIALLY with your past infidelity already.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-18-2009, 01:08 PM
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Re: Please..some perspective?

i agree with the rest, if you were truly trying to reconcile after YOU cheated, you have a funny way of showing it
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-19-2009, 08:05 AM
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Re: Please..some perspective?

Dude, you are in so much kak now. You should never have lied and set her up. How cruel. Fact is, she might have considered cheating on you but she didnt, you did. She will never get over you cheating - us woman never get over that kind of thing. She might have wanted to do it to spite you because you hurt her so much. I doubt very much she would have had the same reaction if you didnt cheat on her in the first place. Its like some kind of revenge. She is not a cheater. You are. And you need to work on your marriage - not try sabatage it silly! Good luck.
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