Well, I stayed in a marriage for 20 years (my first husband was bipolar) that made me very unhappy indeed. I was recently told by my son that he was very aware from an extremely young age that things werent right and that he was much happier after I and his father split.
His father and I worked hard at both being there for our son and in letting him know that it was in no way his fault. My son has grown up now knowing that both his parents loved him very much and he adapted quickly to our new situations.
So I guess I'm just saying that you shouldn't underestimate your kids. They probably can see right through the act and may even be happier if it wasn't going on for "their sake"
So are you saying that she expects you to act happy, while the sexlessness continues?
I am going on 4 months I think but it could be a little less, I'm bad about keeping track. But I don't even care anymore and am disgusted by her even touching me. Now I don't want her and treat her like garbage sometimes because I see her as a waist of space to be around and a waist of time to even talk to.
I hate her for doing this to me over and over, purposely. Plus the more she does it the more I notice that she ain't worth all that hassle.
Oh man, I hate hearing that this is "NORMAL". I want to hear that it is equally normal and acceptable for us men to frequent prostitutes or flat out cheat, right.
I hate women sometimes, I swear, too bad I ain't gay, yet.
I feel for you......6 years sexless. My husband and I are on our 28th year of marriage...with all of the ups and downs that relationship brings. Right now we're stuck....I'm stuck in the "I need emotional connection" and "he feels everything can just instantly be ok, with a little kinky sex". Don't take that wrongly...I love sex and wish that our life could include more. (We have 5 children and both work full time.....saving this for the next post that I want to originate....I seem to post/erase/post/erase but so badly need to hear from the other "old marriages" how to get that spark back) I WANT THOSE BUTTERFLIES AGAIN....I want to feel special....I want communication....so on a woman's side....yes, emotional connection is HUGE....but 6 years my friend is unheard of. She just must not be "into you" like you're not "into her"..... I think I'd "move on".....forget the "acting" happy....and find someone who wants to share an intimate life with me on every level.
Sorry D8zed, I don't wish to hi-jack this thread with my issues, but the "This" and "it" is the withholding of sex and the total disregard of my needs.
Yes, we (men) need to romance and keep the woman emotionally happy in order to make the environment suitable for a possible sexual desire to blossom but at the same time women have to realize that us men "need" sexual release and it has little to nothing to do with emotions. Meet us half way and just bite the bullet and pleasure us "the way we want it" from time to time and you in turn either will get all that you want and need or at least have a good reason to b_tch if you, it turn do not get what you want out of the relationship.
no, its not a catch 22 unless the woman doesnt like sex at all. in most cases it seems that women like sex and get pleasure from it but they dont want to "give in" to their husbands who arent meeting their needs. both people like sex, women need more so nobody gets sex
This sounds very immature to me..."I'm not having sex with you because I don't feel close" "I don't feel close to you because I'm not getting any sex"
I think you need to pick up the book The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and BOTH you and your wife read it. If things go well with that book, try and get your wife to read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
Your marriage will go no where if you're both not willing to take the time and fulfill each others' needs.
No! Why act happy if your not? The best way to deal with this is to get to the root of your unhappiness. Have you tired couples counseling?
Wife and I both attended a few sessions of individual counseling first. We then had a session planned where both counselors would be present, however, her counselor had to pull out due to a family emergency.
During the session with the both of us, the counselor asked my wife where she was emotionally with the marriage. My wife went into a diatribe about how she was done, how she has waited long enough for me to see *my* problems, blah, blah, blah. The session ended shortly thereafter.
Two hours later my wife announces to me she has changed her mind because she doesn't believe in divorce and will not be the one who initiates it. (This all happened this past spring.)
Today, there's talk of seeing a new MC but no one ever does anything about it.
They should be OK.. if you separate.. they are old enough to understand.. if you're both good parents.. the damage shouldn't be as big.. it depends how you handle the separation.
The hard part is that my wife gets the kids involved in our marital difficulties. My wife is a drama queen and LOVES sympathy and attention. She plays the victim role very well. However, I believe strongly in *not* getting children involved so I don't say a word to them. I believe this has backfired on me because it appears the kids think "dad is being selfish and trying to leave US".
No way! Going on 6 sexless years now. It's the dilema of:
- Women need to feel close to have sex
- Men need to have sex to feel close
Mmmm...I wonder if that's true. My husband once said: "how can I have sex with you when I don't feel close to you?" That was usually after an argument. Sometimes I wonder, which of us was the woman in this relationship. Mind you he is a strong, handsome, athletic, "macho" kind of man. Very masculine. And I'm a feminine type (granted, I am much more sexual than him).
We didn't have make-up sex like most couples because of it.
My question is this: Do you think I should act happy if we're trying to work on our marital problems?
Yes, how can you work on your marriage when you act sullen all the time and while your wife is trying to put the effort?
It's great when both want to work on it.
And remember you can only change yourself, so start with yourself....always.
But I also believe both of you need to work on each of your resentment. Try to overcome it. As long as it's there it will always pop up every time you perceive a slight. It's not conducive to reconciliation.