Should we "act" happy?

mea_3 · 09-20-2009, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D8zed

Wife and I both attended a few sessions of individual counseling first. We then had a session planned where both counselors would be present, however, her counselor had to pull out due to a family emergency.

During the session with the both of us, the counselor asked my wife where she was emotionally with the marriage. My wife went into a diatribe about how she was done, how she has waited long enough for me to see *my* problems, blah, blah, blah. The session ended shortly thereafter.

Two hours later my wife announces to me she has changed her mind because she doesn't believe in divorce and will not be the one who initiates it. (This all happened this past spring.)

Today, there's talk of seeing a new MC but no one ever does anything about it.

Well, Honestly it sounds to me like she's a touch confused.

So, I think it's a great idea for you both to seek a new Marriage Conselor.. perhaps a new perspective will help. Good luck to you.

D8zed · 09-21-2009, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zengoddess

Mmmm...I wonder if that's true. My husband once said: "how can I have sex with you when I don't feel close to you?" That was usually after an argument. Sometimes I wonder, which of us was the woman in this relationship. Mind you he is a strong, handsome, athletic, "macho" kind of man. Very masculine. And I'm a feminine type (granted, I am much more sexual than him).

We didn't have make-up sex like most couples because of it.

Is he normal?

I don't doubt for one minute that the majority of husbands/wives feel that way:

Husbands: I need to have sex in order to feel close to you.
Wives: I need to feel close to you in order to have sex with you.

The book "The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship" uses the acronymn CREATE (Chemistry, Respect, Enjoyment, Acceptance, Trust, Empathy) to define the 'pillars' of a successful relationship.

The first pillar (Chemistry) touches on the sexual aspect. It talks a little about what some people refer to as "duty sex". In other words, the author recognizes that sex should be present in a relationship to (re)build strong chemistry.

I couldn't agree more.