I Have Ruined My Marriage and Hurt My Wife
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Old 09-01-2009, 12:05 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I Have Ruined My Marriage and Hurt My Wife

I have been with my Wife for the past 20 years and have been married for the past 15 years as of Sept 24th of this year.
I Love my Wife and Children more than anything in the world but over the past three years I became obsessed with becoming a successful Real Estate Guru and then a successful Internet Guru.

I spent a lot of money on the Real Estate and drove us into a large amount of debt I then spent two years trying to make that money back by trying my luck at Internet Marketing.

Last week I had some things happen that led to my Wife and I having a long talk on Wedensday night that felt like a MAC truck hitting me head on. She told me she was tired of me spending all my time trying to make a success at different things and that I needed to either focus on my Family or on my Business. She still loved me but did not like me anymore.

I have a problem with conflict and have been avoiding a lot of bills and other things in my life she has told me that I need to get past these things and we will see what happens. She is very disapointed in me as I am in myself as well for not being a man and taking responsibility for these issues long before now.

What can I do to show my wife that I am changing for her. I Love her and my Kids more than anything to live without them in my life is unimaginable, I can't believe I have managed to take what was a wonderful marriage and run it into the ground with greed for money.

I was already successful with a Wonderful Wife and Kids and a good job, I was just to Damn obsessed with the want of money to see that what I had was already more than what most will ever have.

I hope I can regain her Love and Like and trust and that she still wants to be with me. I Love her more than anything. Any ideas on what I can do other than the ones that I am already doing or any input from those who have been here would be great.

I have given up on my businesses and we may be filing for Chapter 7 in a few weeks but I feel that my make her like me even less and cause more damage.
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Old 09-01-2009, 06:47 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Have Ruined My Marriage and Hurt My Wife

Family is FIRST!! You have to always do that. Nothing means anything in this world without them.. As you can see how your world crumples when your pillars crumble?? I hope you can dedicate it to them..
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Old 09-01-2009, 06:52 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Have Ruined My Marriage and Hurt My Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by sad1968 View Post
I Love my Wife and Children more than anything in the world but over the past three years I became obsessed with becoming a successful Real Estate Guru and then a successful Internet Guru.
Do you know, in your own head, what drove this obsession to be a guru? If you don't have a handle on that, then it won't be easy to get past it.
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Old 09-01-2009, 08:07 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Have Ruined My Marriage and Hurt My Wife

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Originally Posted by sad1968 View Post
I was already successful with a Wonderful Wife and Kids and a good job, I was just to Damn obsessed with the want of money to see that what I had was already more than what most will ever have.
Do you still have a steady job/pay ie were the other endeavors 'on the side'?

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Originally Posted by sad1968 View Post
What can I do to show my wife that I am changing for her. I Love her and my Kids more than anything to live without them in my life is unimaginable, I can't believe I have managed to take what was a wonderful marriage and run it into the ground with greed for money.
I would think a steady job/income and working on straightening out whatever debt you have. Even if it is chapter 7, keep your wife in the loop so there are no surprises. Make financial decisions as a team.
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Old 09-02-2009, 12:47 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Maybe your love for them made you crazy to give them what you were made to believe was what they 'needed'.
You wanted to 'show' them your love.

They just want you, guy. You are enough.
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Old 01-31-2010, 08:42 PM   #6 (permalink)
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While family first is a good foundation for your marriage... My prospective is... It could be worse. I am attempting to recover from my husband also spending endless time on the computer (but not for the purpose to build a good life for his family) etc, and then using loneliness as his excuse to cheat!
While you are man enough to say, "I did the wrong thing", and work toward fixing the issue. I personally would swap places with your wife any day. We all make mistakes..yeah!
Stay true to your heart!
Chin up, keep trying. If your love is meant to be.. then you will be just fine!
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Old 02-01-2010, 08:11 AM   #7 (permalink)
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balance, find it. its a tough world, we are success driven society and money is what alot of people use to measure success. but it ususally causes more problems than not.

talk to her, confess what you have here, tell her you are determined to change and recover the marriage. spend time with your kids, as much as possible. it doesnt sound as if it is too late.
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Old 02-01-2010, 07:55 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Not to split hairs, but is it really the money you are after? In my experience (self included) for most truly driven people money is not really at the core - it is the challenge of success and accompishing something. In many cases this results in good money but it is not really what drives you. Money was not in Michael Phelps head when he jumped in the pool every morning; his mission was to swim fast - it 'just worked out' that sponsorships make him a fortune.
My point is that if you address a new challenge as your real goal - happy marriage, maximize family time, if that is what you want, you can likely pursue that with the same obsession.
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Old 02-01-2010, 10:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Wow, deja vu. My dad was the 'idea' man. Never stopped coming up with schemes. I think the last one was selling microcloths...before every store in America sold them. We had my mom's funeral service yesterday, and my brother brought up the 'club' she and my dad started back in the 60s. Which was a great idea and would have succeeded...if someone with a business degree had done it.

That drive of his...to always find the next great deal...is what ruined his marriage to my mom.
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Old 02-02-2010, 01:35 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Have Ruined My Marriage and Hurt My Wife

Come up with a plan to fix the financial mess and then start executing it. Your wife now has a lot of financial stress that you need to help take away.

And act in a confident manner around her - show that you are going to fix this. If she asks how show her a budget - for real - and let her know YOU are not spending any money on YOU, for the next - well you pick the time period - but make it so she knows you are totally owning your mistakes....


Quote:
Originally Posted by sad1968 View Post
I have been with my Wife for the past 20 years and have been married for the past 15 years as of Sept 24th of this year.
I Love my Wife and Children more than anything in the world but over the past three years I became obsessed with becoming a successful Real Estate Guru and then a successful Internet Guru.

I spent a lot of money on the Real Estate and drove us into a large amount of debt I then spent two years trying to make that money back by trying my luck at Internet Marketing.

Last week I had some things happen that led to my Wife and I having a long talk on Wedensday night that felt like a MAC truck hitting me head on. She told me she was tired of me spending all my time trying to make a success at different things and that I needed to either focus on my Family or on my Business. She still loved me but did not like me anymore.

I have a problem with conflict and have been avoiding a lot of bills and other things in my life she has told me that I need to get past these things and we will see what happens. She is very disapointed in me as I am in myself as well for not being a man and taking responsibility for these issues long before now.

What can I do to show my wife that I am changing for her. I Love her and my Kids more than anything to live without them in my life is unimaginable, I can't believe I have managed to take what was a wonderful marriage and run it into the ground with greed for money.

I was already successful with a Wonderful Wife and Kids and a good job, I was just to Damn obsessed with the want of money to see that what I had was already more than what most will ever have.

I hope I can regain her Love and Like and trust and that she still wants to be with me. I Love her more than anything. Any ideas on what I can do other than the ones that I am already doing or any input from those who have been here would be great.

I have given up on my businesses and we may be filing for Chapter 7 in a few weeks but I feel that my make her like me even less and cause more damage.
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Old 02-02-2010, 08:06 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Have Ruined My Marriage and Hurt My Wife

You [i[could[/i] also hand all your finances over to a professional. It might be worth paying a CPA to save your marriage.
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