I thought I answered this same question before but here we go again.
If both people are healthy, and his job isn't that physically demanding and he is working 40 hours a week he should be doing about 16 hours around the house (including outside) and spending atleast 14 hours a week with his child/ren.
I'm not a man but my husband helps around the house without me asking him. If I cook he washes the dishes, he takes out the trash always and his favorite chore is vacuming don't ask me why? Everything else is pretty much me, but I don't mind, because he contributes in other ways, financially, helps my son with homework etc. You have to pick and choose your battles and see if this is worth figthing about. Some men are stuck in that old fashion way of women doing all the house work and they may never change, but if it really bothers you, stop picking up after him and only pick up after you and the kids for a week and see what his reaction is. Maybe he will learn his lesson then.
Hello all, my opinion is just that of an observer because both I and my Wife have to work, but if a guy works hard to make it so that the Wife doesn't have to work, hell yeah he should have the right to come home and just sit back and relax. After all it is a "HOUSE WIFE'S" job to take care of the "HOUSE" work.
Of coarse a woman would like to have her cake and eat it too, but if we are talking fairness, then it's only fair. Especially if there are no kids, that's just a selfish lazy woman with a princess complex.
I mean seriously if there are no kids and the woman has no 9 to 5 then all the work should be done by the time he gets home right.
Now if there are kids that a different story, children are a job in of them selves and in that case the man still has work to do when he gets home.
One thing that seams to be going on here is keeping score. I did this much so you should do that much. I think keeping score is a fast track to a divorce. A relationship is based on two people giving and getting. I've never seen one work that had set ground rules such as I did this, this and this so you have to do that, that and that.
My thought is if it is a healthy and good relationship then both people are more then willing to help out were needed with out being asked. You do it out of love and respect. If one party is not doing anything then it is time to sit down together or with a counsler and find out why.
I think allot will depend on the age of the children. If the kids are young & need allot of time then I think it's reasonable to expect the husband to take a share of the household work.
What wouldn't be fair though is if the wife spent her days at the gym, drinking coffee with friends & shopping, then came home & expected her husband to do stuff that she could have got done during the day.
Obviously you aren't happy with your arrangement, which is the problem in and of itself. It doesn't matter what WE say because that won't apply to you. I could say that if I earn the money (irrelevant of how "hard" I work) and you are at home not bringing in money, that I should not be handed a laundry basket and spatula when I get home because thats what your job is.
Let me point out that I have the utmost respect for the stay at home (those who are lucky enough to be able to do it -- around here you need 2 incomes to scrape by) and I understand that staying at home can be HARDER than working.
So unless you want to spill all the details for the jury here, so we can decide whether his job is hard enough/long enough/high paying enough to exempt him from housework, you really just have to communicate with him.
Did he grow up with "June Cleaver"? Did mom do everything while Dad worked? Does he expect the same? Would HE be a stay at home?
Instead of asking us to judge who is "right", figure out what you want and compromise with him.
My wife and I both work full time jobs, 40 hours each a week and have three small children, keeping our house in order is tough and can be very frustrating.
Now we have a good friend who has 4 children and the mother is a stay at home mom, there house is just as messy or messier then ours. I listen to him complain and whine about how she does nothing....which he has a valid argument.
Now, as in every marriage, as said above it's team work. Yes, he probably works a ton of hours and is exhausted when he comes home and wants a beer. I know I do, but nothing drives me more crazy then when I walk in the door after working then being "told" to take out the Garbage, do this do that...etc.
Rule of thumb...Feed him first, let him relax, let him ahve abeer or a drink....Then politely ask him to take out the garbage or see if he will do it himself.
After Diner I usually will take the garbage out, I also assign jobs to my children...10, 8, and 5. To do certain tasks, like cleaning the dishes, Vacum, take the trash tot he curb on trash day...etc.
Bottom line it is team work, no one is exempt from house work.
But if my wife was home, I would expect her to do more then she currently does....and to never tell me to "do" anything, asking politely or even sexy works better.
Boy, truer words have never been said. All my wife has to do is tilt her head a certain way and flash me that innocent smile when handing me a bill, a dirty dish, or whatever else she doesn't wish to deal with at the moment. It is totally dissarming and all I can do is take care of it for her... within reason.
I know it's been a while since the original post. But sneaking behind your husband, wrapping your arms around him, giving him a nuzzle on the neck and wispering in his ear how it woiuld mean the world to you if he would use his big, strong arms to save you from hauling out that nasty, heavy trash... Well, it certainly works on me. It takes me back to when we were dating and would do anything for each other.
If he is making all the money and there are still enough chores for both husband and wife, he needs to make more money so you can hire a housekeeper....
bwaaa haaa haaa
oh, i see it was a question for the men. sorry. just a little loopy this friday afternoon....
For me, if there's an argument over it, then someone is feeling overworked and/or under-appreciated...DanO was right on...in my case we both work full-time but I don't have a commute and work from home so I do laundry, etc. when I stop for a break but he gets up early and always cleans up the kids' morning mess so I don't walk into a disaster...so I think we both feel it's a good balance and if I feel overwhelmed it's usually because I'm not asking for help when I should....but I'm getting better.
My poor hubby works so hard but still comes home and helps out. We have 2 kids and he knows how I am. I figure, I will always have dishes and laundry, but my kids will not always be there for me to spend time with, so they come first. If the dishes didn't get done b/c I was playing Barbie or Cops and Robbers, or the park lasted all day, he doesn't fuss much. He knows I will get to them.
He helps b/c we have kids and I appreciate it more than I say sometimes. If we were childless, I'd...well, I'd have a job!