Originally Posted by knortoh
Wait until he;s not around and scream in the shower - I find the car works really well -
When you are in control
then you talk
Thats me! You need to scream at some point. It feels good to let it out, but stay calm and in charge when you are with him... Even though you may not realize it, you may be making him clam up when he is with you, because of all the emotions that are welling up inside you.
Men tend to shut up and shut us out when they don't know how to deal with all the emotional stuff.
I agree with shelleyv... arrange for the kids to be gone so there are no interruptions... then force yourself to stay calm, focus ont he fact that you are in control and take as long as it takes till he talks.
ONCE HE STARTS talking , DO NOT interrupt, no matter what he says.
Here are a few phrases that work WONDERS in getting him to dig deeper to tell you more without him realizing what you are doing.
"Okay, so whad'you mean by that?"
"wow, tell me more about that" (this works especially well for those comments that make you want to SHOUT in defense)
"really, so why do you feel that way..."
These are just a few phrases that will help you force him to keep telling you what is on the inside.... he needs to get it out, and it may surprise you what comes out.
Be ready for ANYTHING.