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Old 03-12-2008, 04:17 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Wife does not Like Me

James-son - are the marriage weekend, cruise and vacation what you want or are they what she needs? Take my advice for what it is worth but I would be careful not to put your wants before her needs right now. This is especially true if there are further issues that aren't in the open just yet. I hope her counseling gives you both some more information as to what the issues are. Read the book you ordered. It will help give you some perspective. Don't expect miracles in a month or two. Best of luck and take care.

Blind
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Old 03-13-2008, 12:35 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by blind View Post
James-son - are the marriage weekend, cruise and vacation what you want or are they what she needs? Take my advice for what it is worth but I would be careful not to put your wants before her needs right now. This is especially true if there are further issues that aren't in the open just yet. I hope her counseling gives you both some more information as to what the issues are. Read the book you ordered. It will help give you some perspective. Don't expect miracles in a month or two. Best of luck and take care.

Blind

Blind,

When do you stop compromising our dreams and goals to make your spouse happy? A year, maybe three years, or twenty years? Should marriage feel like you made a deal with the devil and now you have to live with ever changing terms? At what point do you acknowledge the breech on contract and say I married you for these reasons, and you’re not like that anymore!

YOU SAY “give her time” “meet her needs and over time she will find it in her heart to meet yours” is that when the blue birds come down with flowers and place them gently in her hair.

How many married couples do we all know, where the husband has settled for less and took that secured job at post office and worked there for twenty years to finance a 2000 squire foot home for his wife and kids. Buying the used mini van….now after twenty years of marriage he is bald and fat with high blood pressure, never smiles, and his only retreat is work that he hates being at. He looks in the mirror everyday and ask “what happen to you?” This man compromised his life for his wife “yes dear, yeas dear” to make her happy.

Every day his wife nags him, with age she is more like a mother then a wife to him, complains about him not making enough money, she want to enroll the kids into this or that and has his weekends planned at for him a month in advance. “yes dear, yeas dear”

We all know these married couples and I watch then men in those marriages compromise themselves right into a joyless life. Eat, Sleep and **** is what they look forward to in life.

Life is to short to be unhappy …how long is too long to compromise a human’s life

Are we as men, that insecure of ourselves that we need a secretly blanket beside us, no matter what the cost is? My experience of loneliness is not having someone to love, it’s when that person of twenty years stops loving you back, and that is loneliness.
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Old 03-13-2008, 01:03 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I suppose I assumed you posted her for some different perspectives and maybe even a little advice. If you don't like my advice or thoughts, just ignore them. It just sounded to me like you thought there were some additional issues your wife was dealing with that weren't out in the open yet. I think it may be hard to help resolve the problems without knowing what they are. It can be easy to do more harm than good until the issues are in the open. What you may find is you don't really need to make any of the changes you sarcastically pointed out. Only you can decide what you are willing to do and what you aren't. What may be right for one person could be wrong for the other. I think most people that are tying to save a marriage are trying to get back what they once had, not roll over and accept it. Maybe I wasn't clear.

Best of luck and I'll leave you alone now.

Blind
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Old 03-13-2008, 01:14 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Blind,

When do you stop compromising our dreams and goals to make your spouse happy? A year, maybe three years, or twenty years? Should marriage feel like you made a deal with the devil and now you have to live with ever changing terms? At what point do you acknowledge the breech on contract and say I married you for these reasons, and you’re not like that anymore!

YOU SAY “give her time” “meet her needs and over time she will find it in her heart to meet yours” is that when the blue birds come down with flowers and place them gently in her hair.

How many married couples do we all know, where the husband has settled for less and took that secured job at post office and worked there for twenty years to finance a 2000 squire foot home for his wife and kids. Buying the used mini van….now after twenty years of marriage he is bald and fat with high blood pressure, never smiles, and his only retreat is work that he hates being at. He looks in the mirror everyday and ask “what happen to you?” This man compromised his life for his wife “yes dear, yeas dear” to make her happy.

Every day his wife nags him, with age she is more like a mother then a wife to him, complains about him not making enough money, she want to enroll the kids into this or that and has his weekends planned at for him a month in advance. “yes dear, yeas dear”

We all know these married couples and I watch then men in those marriages compromise themselves right into a joyless life. Eat, Sleep and **** is what they look forward to in life.

Life is to short to be unhappy …how long is too long to compromise a human’s life

Are we as men, that insecure of ourselves that we need a secretly blanket beside us, no matter what the cost is? My experience of loneliness is not having someone to love, it’s when that person of twenty years stops loving you back, and that is loneliness.
Funny I met my wife's needs and she continues to meet each and every one of mine and my kids.

Going to work and making money doesn't equal meeting needs, and if you think that you missed a much larger picture.

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Old 03-13-2008, 01:27 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I suppose I assumed you posted her for some different perspectives and maybe even a little advice. If you don't like my advice or thoughts, just ignore them. It just sounded to me like you thought there were some additional issues your wife was dealing with that weren't out in the open yet. I think it may be hard to help resolve the problems without knowing what they are. It can be easy to do more harm than good until the issues are in the open. What you may find is you don't really need to make any of the changes you sarcastically pointed out. Only you can decide what you are willing to do and what you aren't. What may be right for one person could be wrong for the other. I think most people that are tying to save a marriage are trying to get back what they once had, not roll over and accept it. Maybe I wasn't clear.

Best of luck and I'll leave you alone now.

Blind

Blind,

I’m not pushing you away, I’m having a conversation with you. I asked you a question, how far is a man suppose to compromise his life?

How healthy is it when those compromises are no longer done out of love but fear! We have the fear of not seeing our children again, “yes dear, yes dear” we are scared of losing half of our assets “yes dear, yes dear” we are scared of paying monthly child support for children we only see on the weekend “yes dear, yes dear”
Basically you stop compromising for her love and now compromise not to get yelled at…. In twenty years of doing that you get to wear a name tag that says We have been married for twenty years…ohhh good for you.

Again the question is, how far is a man suppose to compromise his life? Is life about “yes dear, yes dear ?
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Old 03-14-2008, 01:01 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Wife does not Like Me

One of the things I love most about being married is to have someone there to pick you up when you don't feel you can stand on your own and to do that in return, because you love and care for them so much. People go through times of self-reflection and as couples, it's important to be there for each other. It almost sounds that since your early retirement, you are both questioning where your lives are at. Did your business give you focus whereas now there may be a void that you need to fill? As a mother of 3 myself, the thought of frequent traveling and/or moving to another country would just add to the chaos of life with kids, so I can understand your wife being resistant to the idea. It sounds as though you are both in the same place right now and unhappy with the relationship, and that is a scary place to be because neither of you seem mentally in a place where you can pick the other up while they are feeling down. Compromise needs to happen on both ends and sometimes it's weighted one way or the other because one or the other is going through a rough patch, but those times should be temporary. Through counseling and the marriage weekend, I hope you both are able to reconnect and come up with a compromise that works for you both. Good luck.
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Old 03-15-2008, 02:41 AM   #22 (permalink)
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there are just times when we dont really understand our spouse, but then all we need is time to talk to each other, maybe have an intimate time where both of you can talk and just express each others feelings and im sure there will come the time where both of you will be able to live a good life and love will fill your lives again
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Old 03-24-2008, 09:50 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Sorry i am jumping into this late...

So you are 39 and been retired since you were 35? You must have made some really great investments to live that kind of lifestyle, and frankly I am jealous.

I have almost the same profile, 38, been with my wife 18 years, 3 kids, etc.

Our main difference....we both work full time jobs, both professionals.

To me it sounds like you just have to much time on your hands, it's over kill.

JUst get a job to have some fun, same for her, Work out together, play tennis together...something more then just being around each other. Start a small company together, etc. think outside of the box.

I simply know that if my wife and I were around each other all day long we would drive each other nuts, everyone needs space.

I worked the night tour for 5 years at my company, we were like "ships in the night" passing each other, grabbing a "quickie" here and there. then I switched to days, we had to get used to sleeping in bed together, and I had to kick my kids out of our bed.

Plus spice things up a little....arrange a babysitter and take her out for a wild night of dinner and dancing.

my wife and I realized that we did not go on a "date" for 5 years, so one day we decided to go....we had a great time and it made things fun for us, we decided we needed to do this more often. We gone on more dates and gotten a little wilder as we gotten older.

She is your wife, you know what she enjoys....stop feeling sorry for yourself and make it happen.
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