I am a retire 39 year old with three children, been married nineteen years. I live in a large house with white picket fence out in the country within a resort town, I've been retired four years ago and have no debt.
I have a problem
My wife does not like being around me, she engulfs her time with activities outside of the home all day, she leave at 8 in the morning and come home at 7 at night, knowing that I’m at home feeling neglected, bored and dying for some adult time. Why does she do this? Because after nineteen years of marriage she does not like me, I bring her down and she does not have the energy after dealing with the kids and volunteering everywhere to entertain my needs, she resents me for leaving the church, for leaving her with our middle child while starting my business…she resent feeling like being a single mother, hates me drinking, hates my business life, hates talking about money or talking about business and most of all she hates seeing me being unhappy while I sit at home for weeks waiting for her or something to happen.
On my side, I was going out all the time with the guys to fill in that void of adult time. I never cheated on my wife but I did start to notice there were women out there who would like to be with me, I knew it was just a matter of time until I meet a woman who will fill in these voids in my life. So last year I stopped going out with the guys, I’ve slow down the drinking, I help with the kids more, I encourage my wife to go to Yoga every Wedsnday while I watch the kids, I encourage her to do kick boxing on Saturday, I take the kids out every Sunday for movies and dinner, I buy her flowers, cleaning the dishes, clean the kitchen… I stay home while they play on the weekends.
I can list the physical changes in my daily life, yet she does not appreciate or acknowledge these efforts. Worst is these efforts of mine are viewed by her as manipulation to get what I want, which is to be part of her life, to have a husband and wife relationship with her. To view my efforts in this negtive matter only increase the distance beween us which makes my wants more unachivable.
For four years my youngest has been sleeping in my bed while I have been sleeping in the guess room, husband and wife only alone time is in the shower, I’ve gone out on a date no more then 15 time in the last nine years.
I’m normally am a private person, never talk to other about my problems but I’m totally lost on what to do. I’ve shared my problems with my natural dad who tells me “Life is too short to be unhappy” and “if she does not want a relationship with you then I should find someone who does”… my step dad says “these things don’t have answers, that they either work out on their own or not”
Right now at 11 am she sleeping while my youngest is watching the TV.. she is depressed, and with all her friends she has nobody to talk to, I just explain to her that this is un healthy and she need to find a counselor to talk with, now this is effecting my kids who are asking about divorce.
Over all…. Who knows what is going on or what the answers are.