11-10-2009, 03:01 AM
Join Date: Nov 2009
| | Dont know how to fix this - Lost, lonely.
I dont know how to fix this. My husband and I have always had a rocky relationship (together 5 years, married 3.5) and now we are steadily falling apart. He criticizes me a lot and whenever there is an issue he will blame it on me "This would be better if you didnt...", or "this wouldnt happen if you...", etc. Its demoralising and infuriating. It's difficult to respect him when he doesnt even allow me to have my own opinion without him finding fault with it. He said I had a drinking problem - I stopped drinking. He said I have a smoking problem (weed) - I stopped smoking. Never mind his and his mates love affair with cocaine. THATS ok. But because he just doesnt like weed, its definitely not ok for me to smoke it. A control freak - thats what he is. We dont spend any time together and this may sound childish but I have to watch him lavish attention on our dogs while I am dying for it. The other morning we were still in bed and he was cuddling our female, I said "I'd love some of that", or words to that effect and his reply was "The dog smells better". He said he was joking but it cut me really deeply. He lost close to 3/4 of a million on his business recently and now has had to go out and get another job so we are in the throes of a financial crsis as well.
He likes to blame everything wrong with us on me due to the fact that he thinks I had 'an affair' at the beginning of our relationship. I didnt and we werent even married. And if he believed that and it was such a fcuking issue then, why the fcuk did he say he wanted to work things out, if only to make me pay for it every single day of the rest of my life?? I have begged forgiveness for something I didnt do wrong!
In all fairness, he has had a bad year, his mom was killed in a car accident, he lost his job overseas (and now the business as well) but it seems like the marriage is something he either doesnt want to or know how to work on. It's like, if he's earning money I should be happy and if he's not, then I need to shut up and wait until he is. How much am I supposed to put up with? He likes to blame it all on me but cant he see how he is affecting me with HIS attitude? How can I smile and act adoring when there is nothing to smile about? He comes home and watches tv. We have nothing to talk about. I cant handle being given the cold shoulder for three days in a row when he is upset with me for whatever reason. I never get to have my say without him becoming angry and defensive and freezing me out. There is no more spontaneity, no more fun, no communication, we snap at one another almost every day. I am so tired, so sad. Does someone have any advice for me please?