Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites? - Page 3
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Old 06-27-2013, 04:09 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?

I have often advocated saying something like this:

When you know that I need sex to feel loved, and when you deny that to me, and yet tell me that you love me, it is hard for me to believe you. When you know what I need to be happy and you consistently deny me that, it is unreasonable for you to expect me to be faithful.

Now I suppose that is an awful, scumbagish thing to say. Almost as bad as I'm getting a divorce because you won't have sex with me.

The fact is you are sex starved. The old saying is true A relationship with sex and no marriage will last longer than a relationship with marriage and no sex. So unless there is some reasonable reason that you can't enjoy sex together, it really is time to consider ultimatums like filing for divorce.

About the affair websites. Like you I am by nature a faithful guy. To me (and I expect you) Sex is a part of my relationship with my Wife. Fling, or no strings sex would not be able to replace emotionally connected in a trusting relationship sex. I know that this is not true for many people, I just don't understand it.

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Old 06-27-2013, 04:35 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?

I think it is much more respectable to say, "Sweetheart, we don't have sex enough. The lack of sex makes me feel [x, y, z]. I have recently begun to think seriously about cheating because my needs aren't being met. We either need to fix it, or I need to move on because I can't do it anymore" than to willfully deceive your partner. Will it hurt to hear? YES! But not as much as having your trust completely shattered by discovering your spouse cheated on you.

Again, JMO. I tend to favor honesty.
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Old 06-27-2013, 04:51 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?

Very good advice from all of you. It is greatly and sincerely appreciated.

Agree that being honest with my wife is far more respectful of her, and I do think she deserves that. She is in many ways a great wife but her lack of sexual interest in me makes me sad and jealous of all those people (married or not) having all sorts of great, passionate sex.
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Old 06-27-2013, 05:04 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?

4thand11, I apologize if my tone was harsh in my prior post. The truth is, I don't judge you for thinking about cheating. But what I said would absolutely apply if you took it a step further. I don't expect you to care much about the opinion of an internet stranger, but my goal is simply to show you that cheating is weak, repulsive, and the choice a coward makes.

Please don't sink to that level.
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Old 06-28-2013, 08:08 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?

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I got this from Amp. I couldn't help it.
Man this pic sooooo reminds me of my childhood!
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Old 06-29-2013, 01:21 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?

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4thand11, I apologize if my tone was harsh in my prior post. The truth is, I don't judge you for thinking about cheating. But what I said would absolutely apply if you took it a step further. I don't expect you to care much about the opinion of an internet stranger, but my goal is simply to show you that cheating is weak, repulsive, and the choice a coward makes.

Please don't sink to that level.
I agree. I'd rather have the most sour truth than to be told the sweetest lie.
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Old 06-29-2013, 08:11 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?

4th, you didn't answer the question, how was your wife's desire before marriage? Was she always LD?
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Old 06-29-2013, 09:27 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?

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I am talking about sites where people can post profiles looking for a partner to have a no-strings-attached physical affair with another married person...

I hate to admit it but sometimes I've thought about it (have never done it). My wife is a sweetheart and I would hate to hurt her (or leave her), but she is so shy and reserved sexually and is perfectly fine with having sex 1-2 times per month. When we do have it it is almost always the same (lazy doggy style) and she is completely resistant to trying anything new. She likes sex when we have it (I think) but doesn't want/need it often and seems very embarrassed about even being naked in front of her own husband. I've been trying but it hasn't gotten much better although I've managed to up the frequency of our sex somewhat (still not nearly enough for me and still very vanilla though).

So my mind has been wandering and sometimes I even find myself looking at the sites (I've never even set up a profile or anything like that). Some of the women look quite attractive in the photos, and the fact that they just want sex is a turn-on to me.

I know these sites are probably full of fake profiles, escorts, and like a thousand men to every legit woman. But am still thinking about it. Is this a really dumb idea? I sometimes think if I could get some uninhibited sex with another woman, it might save my marriage long-term. Maybe I am just being delusional?
I'm all for Radical honesty... this is RESPECTFUL...

If I ever felt this way... I'll let him know.. I wouldn't even begin to be able to contain that sort of irritation within a marriage...

A spouse -because of a commitment we made.. has a right to know what they are up against..that (in this case) her actions ....or rejections... hang ups... lack of enthusiasm -no interest in shaking it up, exploring together.... is contributing to this nasty temptation...which will only complicate your life, and destroy others...even their ability to ever trust again...

Also...never know what taking such a path will invite... remember that movie ..."Fatal Attraction"... trusting another cheating on their spouse... would you really want to go there. Emotions do get involved, some women are crazy too.

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Converser said : I agree. I'd rather have the most sour truth than to be told the sweetest lie.

Sex, Lies and Secrets: Is Secrecy Destroying Your Marriage?
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Old 06-29-2013, 09:38 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Very good advice from all of you. It is greatly and sincerely appreciated.

Agree that being honest with my wife is far more respectful of her, and I do think she deserves that. She is in many ways a great wife but her lack of sexual interest in me makes me sad and jealous of all those people (married or not) having all sorts of great, passionate sex.
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You know 4thand11 your wife might just surprise you. I wish my husband had opted to talk with me when we were young about his issues with porn and sexual desires. We were both raised very conservatively and I really didn't understand until it was to late...he didn't have that conversation with me...he just went for the affair. It nearly ended our marriage, but once I sat down and understood what he needed from me I went and bought books (no internet back then) about forplay and pleasuring men and learned how to please him. You know sometimes you have to tell people what you want for them to know how to please you. I know ladies now days are more educated than we were back then, but she may just not understand that she is not meeting your basic needs.
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Old 06-30-2013, 09:02 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?

l thought about it awhile back for some company and fun.
Not really my thing though and now since all my sitch began , seeing all the hurt, messed up marriages, lives , that'll probably be who l wound up playin with.
Not messing with other peoples lives now that l've seen and lived through what that does and you couldn't believe a word anyone on one of those sites told you so you'd never know.
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Old 06-30-2013, 04:32 PM   #41 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?

I am surprised sites like AM actually work.

Bear you got how many non hooker responses in what time period and are you good looking?

No not gonna cheat. i woulda thought the m/f ratio would be like 10 to 1 male so unless you are a model or rich...
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Old 06-30-2013, 04:48 PM   #42 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?

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Originally Posted by 4thand11 View Post
Not every person who ever cheated on their spouse is a "scumbag". It may have been a big mistake, maybe one they deeply regret even, but sex outside of marriage does not define a person. There are plenty of good, caring wives who go looking for sex I bet, because their husband hardly notices them anymore. They are not horrible people necessarily.
But this wouldn't be an accidental mistake, it would be a deliberate mistake, and yes that would make you a scumbag.

I can't speak for all women, but I don't get enough sex from my LD husband and I would not ever consider looking for 'casual' sex from other men. Not only because I continue to love my husband, but also because I have too much self respect and that would be gone in a flash if I started screwing around with other men.
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Old 06-30-2013, 05:08 PM   #43 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?

I think what I find the scummiest about this idea is that you'll have sex with God knows who and still take the once or twice a month your wife gives, and have no problem exposing her to who knows what. And make no mistake, anyone you find on such a site WILL have been exposed to STD's, you won't be their first ride, and on top of that it's unlikely the person you actually meet will even look like the pics you see. If your wife ever finds out you will look like a disgusting piece of trash on her eyes and even if your stay together that won't change. It won't be worth it. I agree with everyone else, talk to your wife and if you can't solve this issue with at least a compromise be honest with her about wanting to look elsewhere. She deserves the chance to make her own decisions.
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Old 06-30-2013, 05:35 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?

You want more out of her have you ever tried getting romantic, telling her you love her, flowers. Or do you just want to have sex? Do you always look at porn before you approach her? Ever said something to make her feel like you don't find her attractive as you do other women?

She could just have a low sex drive. Could be a hormone problem.

If you do have an affair are you going to be okay with her doing the same. I've heard doctors say women don't have orgasms with men that cheat and I never could.
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Old 06-30-2013, 05:36 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?

One more thing, condoms are only about 50% effective against getting herpes. If you cheat you will be running a risk of getting it.
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