Men- How do you run your family?
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships »The Men's Clubhouse » Men- How do you run your family?

The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

Like Tree32Likes

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 06-29-2013, 12:40 AM   #1 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 68
Default Men- How do you run your family?

Do you have it where you involve your wife in decisions, take and listen to her opinions, treat her like she's your equal and not your subordinate...or do you just say to heck with that I'm the boss screw you?

Reason I ask is this is basically what my husband does. Our marriage is a tyranny and that's how he likes it and he sees no problem with it. He grew up in a family where his dad was absent a lot due to work (understandable to a point) and when he was home it was all about him and he was extremely selfish, somewhat lazy and extremely dictator like. I grew up where yes my dad had the final say but he involved my mom in decisions, he treated her like his equal and not his doormat and he respected her.

I get that men are the head of the household but I don't feel like they should take it to their head and treat their wives like their doormats. My husband is so extremely dictator like and he frequently says if I don't like it, I can leave and cares nothing about trying to change. He always brings up the excuse (least that's what I call it) of well that's all I know because that's all I saw growing up. He claims at if a family isn't run in that fashion then the kids will end up in jail and into all kinds of trouble. I don't think that's true at all. I wasn't raised that way and I've never been in jail, never drank or done drugs and have never been in trouble in the way that he states would happen.

I just don't get how he thinks this is right. Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys
TinyGirl is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 06-29-2013, 12:50 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: U.S.
Posts: 273
Default Re: Men- How do you run your family?

My husband and I are equals at my house. Having a penis does not make anyone the "head of the household" in my book. Sorry. Works just fine for us.

This is a convenient line used by insecure controlling men. I'm sorry you're living with this. Would he become violent if you challenged him? The old " might makes right" thing?

If you don't have a job, get one. That's my advice. Having your own money that YOU made is powerful. And necessary if things fall apart.

And another thing-- what's with your user name? You are not a tiny girl, you're a grown woman. Believe it, stand up for yourself and your rights. He has no right to dictate to you. If he gets violent, get help and get out of it.

Last edited by TeaLeaves4; 06-29-2013 at 12:56 AM.
TeaLeaves4 is offline  
Old 06-29-2013, 12:53 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,540
Default Re: Men- How do you run your family?

Was he or is he in the military? I met guys like this while I served...mostly the officers.
Decisions should be made together. He sounds very controlling.
Posted via Mobile Device
richie33 is offline  
Old 06-29-2013, 12:55 AM   #4 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 68
Default Men- How do you run your family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TeaLeaves4 View Post
My husband and I are equals at my house. Having a penis does not make anyone the "head of the household" in my book. Sorry. Works just fine for us.

This is a convenient line used by insecure controlling men. I'm sorry you're living with this. Would he become violent if you challenged him? The old " might makes right" thing?

If you don't have a job, get one. That's my advice. Having your own money that YOU made is powerful. And necessary if thing fall apart.
He does get violent. He yells right in my face, throws things of mine at me and around the house....sometimes breaking them, calls me horrible names and says I've contributed nothing to society or our marriage, and many other things. We have two kids and I've actually been trying to find a job that I'm qualified for that would pay enough for child care and then some but I either can't find any that I wouldn't be miserable at, or I have applied and never hear back despite how hard I try.
TinyGirl is offline  
Old 06-29-2013, 12:56 AM   #5 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 68
Default Men- How do you run your family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by richie33 View Post
Was he or is he in the military? I met guys like this while I served...mostly the officers.
Decisions should be made together. He sounds very controlling.
Posted via Mobile Device
He is active duty military yes.
TinyGirl is offline  
Old 06-29-2013, 12:58 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,540
Default Re: Men- How do you run your family?

He doesn't respect you or consider you his equal. You didn't notice any of this before marriage?
Posted via Mobile Device
richie33 is offline  
Old 06-29-2013, 01:00 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: U.S.
Posts: 273
Unhappy Re: Men- How do you run your family?

Oh, I'm so sorry. Can you get help on the base? Maybe counseling for him? Are there babysitting co-ops?
TeaLeaves4 is offline  
Old 06-29-2013, 01:09 AM   #8 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 68
Default Men- How do you run your family?

He wasn't like this at all before we were married although he claims he was. I'm occasionally able to have friends watch the kids but of course it is whenever they're able to. I've gone to the AFRC on base for advice and I even had him arrested by the MPs last summer because he was being more physically abusive and stepped on my foot purposefully and left a bruise. Of course they didn't find him guilty of anything and it was basically dropped.

I've tried to get him to go to individual counseling and I've said that we should both go but of course he says that he doesn't have a problem and all I will do is throw him under the bus so what's the point?
TinyGirl is offline  
Old 06-29-2013, 01:50 AM   #9 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 68
Default Re: Men- How do you run your family?

So you agree with him being abusive amd controlling? Do you not believe in marriage equality?
TinyGirl is offline  
Old 06-29-2013, 02:52 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
whitehawk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,093
Default Re: Men- How do you run your family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TinyGirl View Post
So you agree with him being abusive amd controlling? Do you not believe in marriage equality?

Don't be ridiculous. But hey , might be next years fad !
whitehawk is offline  
Old 06-29-2013, 03:28 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,268
Default Re: Men- How do you run your family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TinyGirl View Post
I get that men are the head of the household
Why do you think that? Men have no more right to rule than women do. Marriage is a partnership, men who try to assert some archaic right to be the 'head of the household' are weak and insecure. In the eyes of the law, and all right-thinking people, adult men and women are equal.

Your husband is nothing but a bully.
__________________
"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are c0cksure and the intelligent are full of doubt."

- Bertrand Russel

Last edited by johnnycomelately; 06-29-2013 at 04:10 AM.
johnnycomelately is offline  
Old 06-29-2013, 05:54 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
*LittleDeer*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: At home
Posts: 1,247
Default Re: Men- How do you run your family?

Studies actually show when parents ate too strict that children are just as likely to go off the rails and get into trouble as if their parents are way too lenient. There has to be a happy medium.

When your husband threatens you and tells you to leave, I honestly think you should do just that. He needs a wake up call.

The only way I see a traditional marraige working out well long term, is one where the husband values his wife above others and puts the marraige first. A selfish wife or husband who don't put their marriages first make the other feel unloved and builds resentment which often leads to divorce.

I would tell him that you aren't sure you want to remain married to him, that you both need counselling. Let him know that he and the marraige are important to you and in order for your marraige to survive that drastic changes need to be made.

Last edited by *LittleDeer*; 06-30-2013 at 04:47 AM.
*LittleDeer* is offline  
Old 06-29-2013, 06:07 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
john_lord_b3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Jakarta, Indonesia
Posts: 1,035
Default Re: Men- How do you run your family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by johnnycomelately View Post
Why do you think that? Men have no more right to rule than women do. Marriage is a partnership, men who try to assert some archaic right to be the 'head of the household' are weak and insecure. In the eyes of the law, and all right-thinking people, adult men and women are equal.

Your husband is nothing but a bully.
john_lord_b3 is offline  
Old 06-29-2013, 06:12 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 2,369
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TinyGirl View Post
So you agree with him being abusive amd controlling? Do you not believe in marriage equality?

Well apparently you do because you're still there. He told you if you don't like it then leave. My ex was military and thought like that and I left him. What else can I tell you? He views the world differently than you and it won't change.
Posted via Mobile Device
lifeistooshort is offline  
Old 06-29-2013, 06:31 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
I'mInLoveWithMyHubby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,907
Default Men- How do you run your family?

My husband is the sole provider of our home and he treats me as an equal. He's always asking my opinion on things and always wants to hear my point of view.

It's nice being respected this way. My ex h treated me like I was his slave. I was the breadwinner in that marriage and all he could do was tell me how worthless I was. This didn't last long at all. I am an adult and I refuse to be told what to do. I left the marriage after a year of putting up with his arrogance.

Last edited by I'mInLoveWithMyHubby; 06-29-2013 at 06:35 AM.
I'mInLoveWithMyHubby is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Closed Thread

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Does Cheating run in your family? Rugs Coping with Infidelity 16 06-23-2013 12:30 PM
Does Infidelity run in the family mswren7 Coping with Infidelity 32 05-20-2011 12:55 AM
Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away... stillINshock Coping with Infidelity 13 03-31-2010 09:31 PM
Why do men run when they find out their woman is pregnant?? HYM The Men's Clubhouse 6 04-20-2008 07:30 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:25 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage