You have children, and a spouse with an obvious addictive personality. She is incapable of delivering what you need from her. But I don't doubt that she is capable of lying to you in an effort to make you believe she will deliver them.
You value the marriage. She values the security of the marriage.
Ultimately, it is going to fall to you to make a decision - because she cannot, or will not. So, given the extent and depth of her betrayal, why are you hanging on?
I love her!! All of our dreams are about to be washed down the toilet. Everything that i've tried to accomplish, gone. My family, my house, my marriage, everything!! This is the hardest decision i have ever had to make. It will change the rest of my life, my kids life??
Sounds like,unfortunately,she was testing the waters with the "One night stand" affair to see how you would react.I would bet good money she is having sex with any and everything that comes along to feed her Coke habit.
If she is still doing the coke
You love her,you love your kids.Do the right thing for the kids and put your foot down.She is unremorseful and strung out on the coke.She is not the same woman you fell for.
Lines need to be drawn (not coke lines),she needs help to get sober and stay that way.Then you could fix the marriage.
Best of luck to you
We have counseling tonight. I hope this will get her to be honest with her self!! She needs to be honest with her self before she can start bieng honest with me. She has said some pretty hurtful things recently. I think she is trying to drive me away?? I am making every effort that I can to make things right. I hope the counseler can convince her to be true to us!! I am really scared for all of us. I don't know what she really wants?? It hurts so bad!! Thanks for everyones input, it helps to talk about it.
Let us know how it goes. It sounds like there is also a lot of Frustration there for you? Is this right?
If it is, what difference might it make to speak of the Frustration in the counselling session?
I think its over. She said that she loves me, but shes not in love with me?? She continually finds ways to break my heart? I dont need this ****!! I tired of trying. This explains alot. She wont try to please me, or make it right. I wake up this morning and my truck is egged?? Her brother at it again?? Im sure that she wont stand up for me again!! I guess that it is time I stood up for myself!! I hope this thread helped someone. But it is almost at its end. I never wanted a divorce, but now, I think I do. For my own piece of mind.
I am amazed that despite of what your wife done to you, you do still love her. I believe that Love can change. I know she loves or maybe loved you but the problem is she was under of the influence of drugs. Maybe that is the reason why she don't appreciate you. If you love her, let her be treated in a rehabilitation center.
How is Loving Someone different to Being in Love with someone?
What does the difference mean to a marriage?
If you managed to stand up for yourself, what might we see you doing?
I'm trying to save this relationship, but I'm getting no effort on her part?? I am at my wits end!! My counseler told me to back off, and not try so hard?? This is very difficult for me!! I really love me wife, even after all of her failings!! But if she does not start to show something, anything towards me and our relationship, than I honestly think its over. I'm tired of being the floor mat for her emotions!! I've been reading books to try and help me understand, but it only makes me feel worse. She isn't doing anything that the counseler asked her to do, she is not doing anything that I asked her to do?? I don't know how much more I can take. I would like to suggest a book for anyone who wants to save their marriage, "the five love languages". This book is so simple, I only wished that I had found it earlier in our marriage, so I could have used this to show her that I am there for her. Now it is all but too late!! Sorry everyone, I don't think this story ends in a happy ending. Thanks for everyone advice. I appreciate that there are nice people out there willing to help out strangers!! Thanks again!!
dan - As hard as this is, look at her actions, not her words. If she's not trying, despite saying she will, it's an indication she wants out. Five love languages isn't going to help at this stage because she's not invested in you. Your best, and only real play here, is to do a 180, become much less available, work on creating happiness for yourself and she'll either follow or leave.
Thanks, even that hurts me. I want to be with her, but, I can't for my own good. She doesn't do anything that I or the counseler ask of her. She just says that she doesn't have time, or I'll do it later?? It just sucks that I am trying so hard, and she just don't care?? I'm devoted to my kids now, thats whats important to me!! I'm not going to leave my house. If anything, I'll ask her to leave, after all, she is the one that caused the problem in the first place. I think this will look better when we get attorneys also?? I didn't just abandon them.
If you are deciding what to do based on what might look better for when the attorneys get involved, you should seek your own legal advice first. If your actions could affect the outcome of any litigation it may be better for you to be informed prior to taking any course of action.
I just got back from my counseler. I feel real good. Talking about it helps me alot. I dont know if this will save our marriage?? But at least I'm trying to heal myself. If she wants to share this "new and improved" me, then great. But if that is not what she wants??? I will get over it, and be a better man!!
Re: Betrayal and depression??
