I'm new and I don't know how my perfect life fell apart
In 2014 I got engaged and married my long time sweetheart. We were blissful and happy. Like the kind of mushy stuff everyone envies and says makes them sick, but really they are just jealous of the happiness they perceive. While we were engaged he lost his job, started drinking too much, but found another job and the wedding went on beautifully. We both drank a lot. Then he lost another job and started drinking even more. Then he cheated on me. Lied about it.
In desperation I took him to his parents and said "please help us - he's lying, cheating and drinking and I need your help to save our marriage."
All he did was continue to communicate with the other woman even after he promised he wouldn't. Didn't bother to hide it, in fact told me about and acted surprised I would be pissed. He continued to see other people I had told him I no longer approved of because they were either heavy drinkers or otherwise a bad influence on our lives. He did it all anyway even though he said he wanted to fix things, make his wrongs right. He said he'd quit drinking but instead just started hiding it and lying about it. Then he waled out on me. Left and stayed at the lake house giving me the full silent treatment for about 2 weeks all the while talking **** about me, telling lies about me to anyone who would listen. Told people I was bipolar, that I has suicidal, that I had said things I never said.
He came back home after a couple of weeks claiming he wanted to fix things, saying he was sorry, that he had stopped drinking, but I kept finding whisky bottles around, even found him passed out on the couch one night with a bottle in his hand. He ludicrously said "I wasn't drinking that."
He invited a ***** to spend the weekend with him at the beach while he was supposedly having a fishing trip 2 weeks before out first anniversary. I caught him trading nudey pics and sext messages with my female friends while drunk in the middle of the night. Some of my girl friends even showed them to me asking "what the heck is your husband doing? Look what he sent me in the middle of the night."
And I found all this out because he left his iPad unlocked. I saw all his text messages.
When I confronted him about it he claimed he didn't remember but was embarrassed and blamed the whisky. So he stopped drinking whisky. And it really seems that he has stopped all liquor this time and things have gotten much better.
I already had lingering PTSD from old traumas and child abuse, but now I have renewed triggers. About half my hair fell out. I had to take leave from work for several months to get my symptoms under control. We started going to therapy and counseling and both have quit drinking liquor altogether - I still have occasional beer or wine, and he has has beer almost daily but not to the extremes it used to be. Things are sorta getting back to normal and I have made sure he has blocked all the offending bad influences from his phone. He deleted his Facebook account. Things seem to be slowly healing. My hair is growing back. I'm managing to go to work without as many nerve pills now. I am not finding hidden bottles or troubling lies anymore.
I just don't understand how things went from so perfect - we shared everything, woke up every morning in heaven - to such utter nightmareland for no reason over night. I don't know what I did to deserve it. And I don't know if we can ever get back to that happy place now.