Is he cheating - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 12:50 AM Thread Starter
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Is he cheating

I have been married 15 years. I was looking at my husbands phone and there was a text to another woman. It read like this. My husband - are you still as beautiful as ever? The woman- I hope so . My husband- its been way too long. I would die to see you. Just talking to you puts a smile on my face. Woman- yes.
When I confronted my husband he said he texted her that because we had a fight that day and he was pissed at me and wanted attention from another woman. This woman is married by the way as well. he said he was sitting at Starbucks back in January and she sat down flirted with him and they exchanged phone numbers but he swears they never ever once sawor texted each other after except for that last text. I do not believe him and I really do not know what to do. Please give me your opinion and why.

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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 01:11 AM
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Re: Is he cheating

He chose poorly, very poorly.

High probability he is not truthful but possible, to talk like that after a single exchange is troubling.

Let him know where your boundaries lie and that his next text like that will lead him down the path of sleeping in his car in said Starbucks parking lot.

Oh, and have a mod move this to the CWI section...

Last edited by Emerging Buddhist; 06-15-2016 at 01:17 AM.
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 01:18 AM
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Re: Is he cheating

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Originally Posted by Emerging Buddhist View Post
He chose poorly, very poorly.

High probability he is not truthful but possible, to talk like that after a single exchange is troubling.

Let him know where your boundaries lie and that his next text like that will lead him down the path of sleeping in his car in said Starbucks parking lot.

Oh, and have a mod move this to the CWI section...
Ditto, my first thought was that he had contacted a high school sweetheart.
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 01:20 AM
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Re: Is he cheating

Yes, he is cheating. Your vows didn't say have emotional affair with another woman because you are pissed at your wife. He broke his vow to forsake all others.

Expose their inappropriate texts to the woman's partner. Get your husband and yourself into marriage counseling. Read not just friends by Dr. Shirley Glass.

Request all passwords to his emails and phones! It's a must. If he is not willing to be transparent, he is hiding much more than what he is admitting too.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 01:23 AM
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Re: Is he cheating

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Originally Posted by NextTimeAround View Post
Ditto, my first thought was that he had contacted a high school sweetheart.
Yes... way too familiar and uncool for a random follow-up, sounds like a catch-up meet and cheat.
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 01:28 AM
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Re: Is he cheating

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Originally Posted by Bibi1031 View Post
Yes, he is cheating. Your vows didn't say have emotional affair with another woman because you are pissed at your wife. He broke his vow to forsake all others.

Expose their inappropriate texts to the woman's partner. Get your husband and yourself into marriage counseling. Read not just friends by Dr. Shirley Glass.

Request all passwords to his emails and phones! It's a must. If he is not willing to be transparent, he is hiding much more than what he is admitting too.
Agreed.... transparency while you push, pull or drag to MC.

Any hesitation will validate your feelings Lollipop2... courage.
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 01:32 AM
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Re: Is he cheating

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Originally Posted by Emerging Buddhist View Post
Yes... way too familiar and uncool for a random follow-up, sounds like a catch-up meet and cheat.
Sorry lollipop2, but the above quote is right. Please look up the standard evidence post and start finding proof of his cheating. He is using trickle truth on you. You will need to expose him or he will take the emotional affair underground. Please, don't hesitate. You are not invading his privacy. There is no privacy between husband and wife!

He only has permission to privacy in the John to do his business. Trust has been broken. He needs to come clean in order to repair the damage his stupidity has caused. I hope it is just an emotional affair and it hasn't gone physical.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 02:19 AM
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Re: Is he cheating

Your husband is full of crap. He is a married man what is doing exchanging numbers with a woman at Starbucks? Yes he is cheating and I bet there is a lot more down the rabbit hole. You better get to investigating. Start with the phone bill. Don't say anything if you find something just post back here
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 03:02 AM
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Re: Is he cheating

This is a major Red Flag. Honor the threat. Read the standard of evidence post Standard Evidence Post.

Stay calm, do what you can to appear trusting and strive to be a little more cheerful and helpful at all times. Few serial cheaters get caught by a rookie mistake like this one. But boy do the first time WS learn quick. So keep him off guard. This is a genetic list of red flags, and to be honest learns more towards WW then WH but see if any applies


Red flags*

Sex life dropped off noticeably
Passwords on phone and computer
Much more time on line...fakebook.
More GNOs...staying out later.
Less eye contact and holding hands...much less physical contact.
Less communication.
Staying up late on computer.
Dressing more provocative
More shopping-spending...clothes.
3 hour groceries shopping trips
Gasoline use and mileage went up
Generally disconnected from family.
New friends that I wasn't introduced to
Cell/text usage went up...way up.
New hair style and attention to makeup
Started exercising more.
Secretive about whereabouts during contact
She would become annoyed easily with me.
Household responsibilities dropped way off.
ecame more forgetful in general
A noticable distancing from her family.
Much more waxing...trimming...shaving....not for me.

Hat tip @chapparlal*
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 06:03 AM
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Re: Is he cheating

UGH! Sorry you are here. Have this moved to the Coping with infidelity section. You will gget lots of advice an support.
Sounds like he's looking for some ego stroking and he's had it in the past from her.
Go to MC. Start snooping. Stay quiet about your suspicions and findings for now.
Good luck

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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 04:02 PM
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Re: Is he cheating

He's either cheating or looking to cheat.

"I was mad at you so I sought the attention of another woman..." ...?

What a freaking baby.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 04:16 PM
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Re: Is he cheating

Yup.

The red flag for me surprisingly isn't that he texted another woman about how beautiful she is. I mean, that's a pretty big red flag, but not the biggest.

The biggest red flag for me is that he blamed it on you.

Classic cheater's script.
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 04:58 PM
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Re: Is he cheating

Marduk is correct.

Yes, he is cheating.
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-16-2016, 06:17 PM
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 06-17-2016, 04:25 PM
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Re: Is he cheating

Yep he is.

So what are you going to do about it?
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